Alone in the Ashes
by ThisIsReallyHappening
Summary: There's a difference between living and surviving. Edward Cullen? He chose to do neither. ExB. Rated M.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

There are 86,400 seconds in any given day.

That's not enough time to count the billons of stars in the universe. No matter how hard I try, there'll be this infinite period where I stop and think I should've tried harder.

That possibility doesn't exist for some. For them, they spend each second hating who they are disguising it as repulsion for you.

There's one such person on this earth. Trust me. I'd attempted the unattainable. I'd stretched my arms as far as they could reach ‒ pointing, naming, and counting each individual speck in the sky. I figured eventually ‒ someday ‒ they would see the light. Instead, they preferred to fall captivity to the darkness.

86,400 seconds isn't enough time to count the stars.

But when they're channeling pain masked as hollowness…

When they keep this reservoir of anguish just for me…

When they have a sheer will to mutilate every damned thing I ever loved about them…

For people like Edward Cullen…

It's plenty.

* * *

**Thanks for reading.**

**Drabbesque writing. Frequent updates.**

**2 more to go...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

**November 2002**

**5 years old**

"The wheels on the bus go wound and wound, wound and wound, wound and wound. The wheels on the bus go wound and wound, all thwew the towwwwwn!"

"Shut up, Bewwa! You not even singing it wight!"

"Am too!"

"Awe not!"

"Am too!"

"Alright, children. I think that's enough circle time." Mrs. Mallory clapped her hands loudly and told everyone to go back to their seats. We scuffled from our crisscross applesauce position and ran to our assigned tables. Edward shoved me just as we scooted in our chairs.

"Stop it!" I told him as I poked him in his belly. I did it 'cause I knew he hated it. I didn't care. He was chunky and had weird hair, and his eyes were the color of my shamrock Crayola crayon.

It was a stupid color.

"For math time," Mrs. Mallory began. "We are going to learn about symmetry. Can anyone tell me what that means?"

I knew this one. I raised my hand up high and waved it from side to side. _Pick me! Pick me! Pretty please, pick me!_

Seeing as Mrs. Mallory had no choice and I was the only one raising my hand, she called my name. "Okay, Bella. Can you tell the class what symmetry means?"

I cleared my voice so everyone could hear. "A sym-mah-tee is music that people pway in a big room. My mommy and daddy go to them awe the time."

Mrs. Mallory chuckled. "Such a great answer, Bella, but I think you're thinking of a _symphony_. Very nice try."

Edward snickered and stuck his tongue out at me.

It was green, just like his stupid eyes. I bet his mommy made him eat peas for breakfast. I know I would if I were his mommy. I'd make him eat them every single day for being so bad.

"A symmetry means two parts that are exactly the same. In front of you are several sheets of construction paper and different colors of paint. First, I want you to fold the paper in half, just like this." Mrs. Mallory bent a sheet of white paper and then opened it again.

"Next, I want you to paint only one side of the paper. Use just one color if you'd like or all of them. When you're finished, we're going to all fold our papers again altogether. Okay, kids, you may start. Just remember not to spill paint everywhere. Jasper, no! We are not to eat the paint!"

Edward and I grabbed our own paintbrushes and began painting on our papers.

"Don't use pink!" Edward said, pushing my color away.

"How come?"

"It's dumb. Use blue and gween and wed, like me." Edward showed me his paper and grinned. He was missing two of his front teeth. I wish I could stuff my paintbrush in the gap.

"But I don't wanna use those," I whined.

"You have to." I don't remember Mrs. Mallory giving us those directions, but I didn't want to get in trouble either. She probably put all the pretty purples and pinks on the table to see who was using their listening ears.

I pouted and tried to make my picture just like Edward's. When we were finished, Mrs. Mallory dinged her bell.

"Okay, class. Now that you're all finished, I want everyone to fold their papers again and then open them."

We all opened our papers, and oh! It was so cool looking! I glanced at the other papers around the table. They all looked like funny bugs and butterflies.

"What do you notice about both sides?"

"They look the same!" the class yelled in unison.

Mrs. Mallory smiled, proud that we were so smart. "Great job, kids. Today, you learned about symmetry. You can use symmetry for all sorts of things, but we'll learn more about that tomorrow. For now, I want you to switch your paper with the person beside you."

_Huh? All of my hard work and I don't even get to take it home to show Daddy?_

Edward and I stared at each other before slowly trading papers.

"Just like the art you made, where both halves are the same, so is the person beside you. You may look different or like different things, but inside, we're all alike. I want you to take your classmate's picture home. Look at it every day and say to yourself, 'I am special and unique, but my friend is too.' We have to be nice to each other, respect our differences, and treat each other with kindness. And why is that class?"

"Because we're all the same!" This time, we shouted it loudly, and Mrs. Mallory beamed.

"That's right. Okay, it's time for lunch. Emmett, since you're our line leader, you may line up first…"

"Awe, you weally gonna keep my buttafly?" I turned to Edward with water in my eyes.

I was close to crying. I loved my picture, and I didn't want him to throw it away.

Mr. Turtles was the last thing Edward tossed in the trashcan, and we never saw him again.

"Awe, you gonna keep mine?" Edward asked.

I nodded. "I pwomise."

"Me, too."

That's the thing about promises. They've been so delicately conditioned to break, you never even see the cracks along the way.

* * *

**One more...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

**June 2007**

**10 years old**

"Hut one, hut two, hut three…"

"Damn it, Edward. This isn't football!" I complained. "You can't go huttin' around with a hut this and a hut that! Just throw the dang ball already."

Edward smirked and paused momentarily… right before he hurled the dodgeball so hard it knocked me right in the gut.

I screamed and held on to my stomach, hopping around like an idiot until I curled over in pain.

"And she's down!" Edward cheered, tipping his hat before running over. He kneeled on the ground, patting me on the back. "Score one for me!"

"Score one for you? I'm dying here and all you can say is _score one_? Fuck you, Cullen." I sucked in my breath and hobbled onto my feet with no assistance from my best friend. I didn't even care that I cursed to his face. I'd do it again, even if he told my parents.

Okay, maybe not really, but still…

"Aww, c'mon! Don't be like that! I'm sorry, Bella." He pouted and put his head down in shame. I took one look at his forlorn expression and grungy football jersey and sighed. Edward had a way of making you feel sorry for him, even when he was to blame.

Did he honestly think he could give me some sad ass pout and suddenly all would be right in the world?

He did.

And he was right.

I groaned and manned up. If I didn't forgive him, he'd get all upset, and then I'd never get a watermelon popsicle. A girl had to keep her priorities in order.

"Apology accepted. On one condition…" I let the bait dangle until he finally gave in.

"What is it?" he replied wearily.

"Last one inside has to do the other's homework. Ready… set…"

I giggled and sprinted toward the house, beating him by a long shot.

Edward let me win.

He always did.

* * *

"Give me some of yours. This orange one is gross." Edward automatically reached for my popsicle and savored the watermelon flavor for all it was worth. "Mmmm… So good."

"Cut it out! You're sucking out all of the juice!" I snatched my cold treat back and basked in the summer sun, enjoying the feel of the grass beneath us.

"You know, you're starting to look different." Edward's gaze lingered on me before turning away shyly.

"Whaddya mean?" I frowned and tried to think if I had done anything out of the ordinary to my hair. It was thrown up into a messy ponytail, as usual. I had on my frayed denim shorts and my favorite yellow t-shirt that I always wore. Maybe Edward was losing it.

"I don't know," he answered, shrugging. "I used to always be taller than you, and now you're almost my height. Your face looks different. And… other stuff."

Suddenly I was aware of Edward's observation and blushed. Mom had finally bought me my first bra the week before. It was uncomfortable as hell, and I hated it. Plus, I'd finally started my period last month, way before the other girls in my class. I felt like a woman ‒ a gross, sticky, disgusting woman.

_"__You're growing up!"_ Mom had said. "_Think of it as your rite of passage into adulthood."_

Shameful advice given by a shameless parent.

"Can I…" Edward's voice was so low I could barely hear him. "Can I see them?"

My eyes widened at my best friend wanting to look at my boobs. What was I supposed to say? Mom, even through all of her blabbering, never prepared me for this.

"I won't touch, em. I swear! I just wanna look."

Edward and I used to take baths together when we were younger, when our parents would force us to spend the night after playdates. This would be the same thing, right? I mean, he just wanted a peep. No harm done.

"Fine. One peek and that's it!"

Edward grabbed my arm and jerked me up so fast the remainder of my popsicle fell to the ground. He dragged me to the side of his house and stood in front of me. "Do it now!"

He spoke with an enthusiasm no boy should ever have for his girl best friend. "I do this and I don't wanna hear any jokes about it, 'kay? No making fun of me or telling Emmett or anything. Got it?"

Shaking his head in agreement, Edward's eyes remained fixated on my chest. I slowly lifted my shirt to reveal my light pink training bra with the little rosebud flowers. Edward's breathing hitched, but he prompted me with his hands.

Grumbling, I shifted my clothing until I had my bra curled under my fingers, as well. With a swift movement, I jerked it up high until my bare chest was out for Edward to ogle.

After counting to ten, I figured that was enough, and put my shirt and bra back down. "So?"

Edward remained silent, and I could hear him swallow a lump in his throat. When he didn't say anything, I was caught between wanting to cry and wanting to run away.

I stared at my red Converse tennis shoes as my bottom lip trembled. Without any warning, Edward grabbed me roughly and gave me a kiss on my lips.

It was wet and slobbery, and he tasted like a combination of orange and watermelon. He moved his head from side to side, but all it did was spread his saliva all over my mouth.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" he breathed, keeping his eyes locked on mine. I nodded, and we spent the rest of the evening exchanging spit under a willow tree.

Edward and I had a rocky relationship; we broke up many times that summer.

Once, when he stole my journal and refused to give it back.

And again when Emmett asked me to go to the park to play soccer. In my defense, we had invited Edward, but then he started acting all weird and refused to go.

But no matter how mad we were at each other, we always found a way to make up.

He'd apologize with a goofy smile on his face and bring me a watermelon flavored popsicle.

He always ate half.

* * *

**If you made it this far, I'm shocked. Thank you very much. **

**Readers: This story is beyond angsty. I'm apologizing well before hand. You'll be reading along, smiling like a buffoon, and then BAM! I'm warning you ahead of time. Thanks for checking this story out. I love ya like crazy! (SHORT chapters, DAILY updates, BANNER on profile)**

**~~~ AitA~~~**

**Special thanks to my team:**

**MariahajilE- Beta who works overtime and only gets paid with emoticons. Beta by day, Muffin by night.**

**Blueeyedcherry- Prereader and Title Maker who I owe a ton of kisses to. Also goes by Mistress.**

**Beegurl13- Banner Maker and has fear of hugs. We will attack at dawn. Moonlights as a Secret Superhero.**

**KniNut- Almost Title Maker. "Fruit Loops" never made it past stage one. My Twi-wifey. May or may not be cheating on me.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

**February 2010**

**13 years old**

"Okay, class," Mr. Varner announced. "Today, we'll be working on your narrative essay that we started talking about last week. If you need assistance, check chapters seven through ten on how to structure your paragraphs and provide detailing to your paper. Your outline and rough draft are due by the end of the period. You may begin."

Edward grumbled loudly. English was his worst subject. Out of all of the things the infamous Cullen could do, writing was not one of them.

"Let's trade," I whispered. "I'll do your English assignment if you do my Algebra take-home quiz."

Edward pushed one of my brunette curls out of the way and whispered back. "You're a good woman, Bella. I may just keep you around."

"Oh, please. You wouldn't be able to function without me. Admit it, Cullen. I'm the apple of your eye. The peanut butter to your jelly. The blueberry to your muf-"

"Ahem. Do we have a problem?" Mr. Varner stood at our table, a firm glare upon his face. "I do believe this was an individual assignment."

"No problem here," Edward said. "No problem at all… tomato face."

Mr. Varner's complexion turned a crimson red even more than usual at Edward's insult.

The class oohed.

I giggled.

Detention, despite how it's portrayed in movies, was not fun.

* * *

"Don't you have to get home?"

Edward shrugged and pressed a gazillion buttons on the game controller, killing the character on the screen with a single bullet. I swear, he only used me for my PlayStation 3.

"Mom's acting all weird 'cause she's stressed out over money. I don't feel like going home right now. She knows I'm here."

I told myself to keep quiet, but of course, I couldn't help myself. "My dad got her that receptionist job at the hospital. Isn't that making things better?"

Edward remained silent, dropping the controller until his own character died. "A little. Except she goes and blows it all on the weekends. And she's dating some creepy guy she met at a bar. He looks like a child molester, Bella. I swear, if he lays one hand on Paul or Leah, he's dead."

"This is Forks," I reminded him in a calm voice. "I don't even think they exist here. Besides, you're a great brother. You always take care of them."

"I know, Bella. That's the problem. I'm stuck babysitting an eight and five year old. Jasper invited me to the Superbowl with his family last weekend, and I couldn't even go. It sucked."

"You're forgetting one thing, Edward."

He turned his head towards me. "What's that?"

"You've got me. Anytime you wanna go hang out with your friends, just call me over and I'll babysit. I'm sure Paul, Leah, and I can build a fort and tell scary stories or something."

"You'd do that?" Edward eyes blinked at my generosity.

"Of course. Besides, I kinda need to get back at your brother for putting a spider in my drink last week." I shivered just thinking about it. I almost swallowed the hairy creature. The kid needed some serious payback.

Edward jumped up from the floor and wrapped me in tight hug. "Thanks, Bella."

I was going to tell him it was no problem, how I would do anything for him, but his lips pressed against me before a single word escaped. We'd kissed before, plenty of times, but this was different.

Edward was getting good at it.

I followed his lead, allowing his mouth to mold around mine. And when he stuck his tongue inside, I wasn't even grossed out. I didn't just like it; I _wanted _it.

He tickled me, just a little, when his hands started reaching places no one had ever touched before. He grazed my stomach, feeling my soft skin before bravely searching higher. I knew I could have stopped him, but I couldn't think of a single reason as to why I should. Instead, I let him fumble around, feeling the edges of my cotton bra.

His fingers moved around, anxious to feel skin, until it just got awkward.

"What are you doing?" I breathed, pulling away.

Edward's face turned slightly red. "I… uh… I'm trying to take off your bra."

I laughed nervously. "You have to unhook the back."

"Oh."

He just kind of stood there uncomfortably, until I raised my shirt over my head and turned around. It was getting cold, and I could feel goose bumps appearing on my skin. Edward groped around some more, moving my hair to the side as his fingers shook, trying to figure out the contraption. Finally, I felt my bra snap free.

It took me several seconds to gain the courage to turn around. This was Edward, for goodness sake. What would he think? What if my boobs were too small? What if he'd seen other girls' and theirs were much larger?

"They've grown," he said quietly. _Thanks, you know, for pointing out the joys of puberty._

I felt uneasy, with him just staring at me, so I stepped forward to enjoy another kiss. His pressed his body against mine, the heat of him overwhelming my thoughts. I inhaled as his hands swept over my breasts, exploring. It felt good.

Too good.

He was being super careful. I didn't even flinch when his fingernail accidentally scratched me; I didn't want him to stop. Pressing against me closer, I felt his lower half nudging against my jeans. Walking backwards, Edward guided me to my king size bed. I fell softly against the comforter and wrapped my arms around him, still tasting his warm tongue. We rubbed and grinded against each other, the friction soon becoming too much.

A soft knock on the door interrupted our session, and we froze in our positions. "Bella! Edward! Dinner's ready! Come and eat!"

"Shit!" Edward sprung up quickly and tossed me my bra and shirt, hitting me in the face. "Coming, Mrs. Swan!"

I fumbled like a maniac, rushing to get dressed. We tried to compose ourselves, to appear as normal as possible. I brushed my hair down with my hands and then smiled at Edward. "How do I look?"

Edward tapped his chin, pretending to scrutinize me. "Like you just got dry humped."

I whacked him on his arm and led the way to the dining room.

Later that night, when I was alone in my bed, I could still smell Edward on my skin. My fingers made their way slowly into my panties, pressing against areas I wish Edward had touched.

Frustrated, I jerked my hand out and rolled over, fluffing my pillow. I had a serious problem. I didn't want to touch myself.

I wanted him.

* * *

**Oh Bella. What have you gotten yourself into?**

**I'm kinda partial to these kids. All spunky and whatnot. **

**Got another chapter for you so: Read. Review. Repeat.**

**Or you can just say "Screw you Happening. I ain't reviewing crap."**

**I'm used to it. *weeps all the tears***


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

**October 2013**

**16 years old**

"I'm telling you. It's bear meat. When have you ever had beef that smells like this?" I wrinkled my nose and turned away from the offending meat.

"That's gross, Bella!" Jessica pushed her tray away and grabbed for Alice's apple.

"Hey!" Alice complained, but she let Jess steal her fruit. It wasn't as if she was going to eat it anyway.

"Well, well. I see my services are needed once again. You always come back to papa, don't you?" Mike the Scalper opened his backpack to reveal several containers of his mom's homemade roasted chicken. "12 bucks. I'm not going any lower."

"That's highway robbery," Edward protested. But it didn't stop him from practically drooling on the cafeteria table.

"Take it or leave it, dude. You want the goods, you gotta pay the piper. So what's it gonna be? Mom's delectable chicken? Or some grizzly the cafeteria lady shot in her backyard?"

Edward took one look at the chunks of unidentifiable meat and pulled out his wallet. "Make that two. I'm gonna buy one for the pretty lady."

He winked at me, and I grinned widely. "Thanks, Cullen. You really don't have to do that."

Later that night, when I was throwing up bits of chicken, I realized 12 bucks didn't even begin to cover the amount of damage I was going to impose on Edward.

* * *

"Now listen to me, Bella. I'm the one with the expertise. You've got a forest down there, and despite my plans to use a weed whacker, we can't do anything until it's gone. _Cosmo_ says so." Edward pointed to the article as I lay spread eagle on the bathroom floor.

Out of all the embarrassing things I had done in my life, this was the worst.

"Besides, you know what happened last time."

I groaned at the reminder. Edward and I were getting hot and heavy in his bed when he tried to finger me. He did. It felt great, I saw stars, and then he got stuck.

_My pubic hair ate him alive._

"This is gonna burn a little," Edward warned, holding up the steaming, hot wax on the spatula.

"Wait!" I cried out. "Did you read the directions?"

"Yep, it said to heat it up for 30 minutes."

I grabbed the little sheet of paper and scanned through the instructions. "30 seconds, you nimwad! It says 30 seconds!"

"Gotcha!" Edward laughed and opened my legs wider, ready to apply the wax.

"What if it drips down to my ass?" I exclaimed. "Don't let it drip down my ass!"

Edward smirked. "Out of all things I want going into that ass, Swan, this ain't one of 'em. Now be quiet and lay still."

Edward popped his latex glove like a mad scientist and stirred the wax once more. He pressed down on my inner thigh for support and applied the wax onto my pubic area. I was surprised it wasn't too hot. I could handle it.

With a muslin strip in hand, Edward placed it down over the waxed area. "Are you ready?"

I nodded with my eyes closed shut.

"One… two…"

As most people know, you learn from experience.

After I screamed enough for all of Washington to hear me, Mom came running into my bathroom. Edward, that cowardly bastard, bolted from my window and shimmied down the balcony so fast that Mom never even saw him escape.

There was good news, though.

The doctor in the emergency room said I would be okay and that perhaps the next time I waxed, I needed to pull the strip in the opposite direction. Oh, and that reading the part in the guide about trimming the hair before waxing would be advised.

Experience can kiss my ass.

* * *

I leaned beside Edward, maneuvering an animal cracker up his chest. "Watch as the lamb gallops through the open plain, watching as the lion approaches. With determination in his eyes, the lion stalks his prey. The lamb halts. It is there he faces his most perilous question."

"North… or south," Edward joked, interrupting my impromptu lines from _Armageddon_.

"Actually, I was gonna say nipples or balls, but whatever. You messed it up."

Edward chuckled. "Me? I'm pretty sure the line said gazelle."

Giggling, I positioned myself as Edward climbed over my body, straddling himself between my legs. "You always think you're right."

He paused, murmuring into my ear. "I don't, Bella. I'm not always a good person. I'm wrong about a lot of things in my life. But I was right about one thing. I was right about you."

Closing the space between us, Edward kissed me passionately. I don't think I could ever get use to it, him taking me as his, him choosing me. I rocked against the bulge I felt pressing against me as his hands moved into my jeans. He popped open the button, feeling my now smooth skin under his touch.

Opening my lips, he caressed with his thumb, rubbing gently as I gasped into his mouth. I needed this. I needed him. I needed him to take away the ache, the burn building inside of me. Edward glided his fingers, moving them back and forth, as I floated on a plane of the universe that didn't exist. Whimpers escaped me, too forthcoming to wait for my permission.

I didn't want to be selfish. Trembling, I moved my hand downward also, impeding on the space between fabric and Edward's skin. When I freed him from his clothing and grasped him in my hand, it was pulsating at my touch. He groaned, and with a steady caution, I pumped in a consistent motion.

He alternated between grinding his teeth and moaning, whispering my name in between. "Bella…"

His name on my lips prompted me to speed up, all while trying to hold on to a permanency that was never real. My abdomen tightened at the sensations that dared to reveal themselves.

I cried out as Edward's thrusts rebelled against a wall I had built. He demanded the finality of us. Whimpering my name over and over, he squeezed his eyes shut and came.

We lay there for a while in our sweatiness and damp clothes with heavy breathing, just to do nothing after feeling everything.

* * *

**Bear meat? Wax? Armageddon? Gah, I love these two kids.**

**Alright people. We're getting closer to current events. We'll stop walking through the time machine once MariahajilE and Blueeyedcherry quit pressing all of the buttons. **

**More tomorrow? Nope. I don't think you're ready... **


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

**August 2014**

**17 years old**

"Do you ever wish you could live a different life?"

Edward and I are laying down on my balcony, admiring the full moon.

"I don't know," I replied. "I mean, I have a pretty great life. Why? Do you?"

"Sometimes. I mean, I see Mom struggle, and it's hard for her, ya know?"

Edward's mom, Elizabeth, had to care for all three kids by herself. Edward did his best to look out for Paul and Leah, but for a teenager who just wanted to be 17, it was tough. That's probably why he always hung out at my house. We never had to worry about money or food or lights getting shut off. Edward had a reality most kids never had to struggle with.

"Think about it, Bella. Your dad is the Executive Director of the hospital. Your mom sells all that fancy art to the big-wigs. You never have to work, or worry about what your siblings are gonna eat, or how to make your mom smile 'cause you know she's depressed as hell and there's nothing you can do about it. Dad left us stranded, and we're now paying for his selfishness. You never have to go through what we do. Heck, you've got a room bigger than most people's apartments. Your life is simple. Easy."

I didn't know how to respond. I knew I had it better than most, and I never took it for granted. But I had never put myself in Edward's shoes, either.

"I'm sorry."

Edward sat on his knees and shrugged. "Not your fault. Just life, I guess."

"But, hey," I replied, smiling widely. "If it ever gets too hard, you know you can come stay with us, right? You and your mom and Paul and Leah. We'd take you all in. Then we could stay up all night, and listen to music, and go tickle Dad's mustache when he's asleep in his chair."

"We do that now," Edward grinned. "Besides, you couldn't handle all of this 24/7."

Edward gestured with his hand down his body, and I laughed. "Handle what? You think you're just so perfect, don't you, Cullen? One day you're gonna get old and smelly, and the only thing you'll have for companionship is a three-legged cat named Whiskers."

"You wish! I'm going places, baby. Have you seen this face? Grade A stuff right here!"

I erupted into a fit of giggles. "Grade A? What are you? Some sort of meat? I'm not sizzling your delectable flesh on my George Foreman grill, Cullen!"

"You wouldn't even barbeque me?" he asked, mimicking shock.

"I'd fry you and add a little extra flavor, but that's all. I've got standards, ya know."

We laughed, and I remember how good that felt. How Edward tickled me, and brushed back my hair, and then punched me in the arm because he lost playing Old Maid, the card game.

I wish I had let him win.

Days like this were worth reminiscing over.

Tomorrow was not.

* * *

**No one is going to the next chapter until you take a guess on what's coming. **

**Annnnnd GO: *click, click, type, backspace, click, type again***


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

I wasn't home when it happened.

Mom had me at her business, organizing business cards and sending last minute faxes to clients.

But Betty Cope had told everyone how she'd watched the nine o'clock news after her daughter, Jen, had dropped off a pot roast before leaving for work...

* * *

**9:01 pm**

**Cope Residence**

**Forks, Washington**

All of Forks knew Jen couldn't cook for shit, but that didn't stop Betty and her husband, Arland, from choking it down.

"Mighty fine meal,"Arland had said between bites. He would've said anything for salt, and even though his kidney had been failing him, he'd sprinkled a few shakes just so he could reach death a few days sooner.

Betty had agreed, savoring another mouthful of vegetables. "We raised her good, we did."

The 84 year-old woman had leaned forward and changed the channel to the local news station. She'd turned it up louder, because Arland had refused to wear his hearing aids. She was mid-chew when the images blared on the screen.

"_This is John Steedman, with breaking news on the blaze that is sweeping through a house on Cherry Lane. Neighbors reported the devastating fire about two hours ago, and the Forks Fire Department rushed to the scene quickly."_

Betty had gasped at the pictures on the television. "My God, Arl. That's right across town."

Arland had shushed his wife with a wave of his hand.

"_As you can see behind me, the home is still burning, and the fire department has done all it can to reduce the spread of the flames. Police are unable to give specific details about the cause of the fire, however, it is confirmed that a woman and two of her three children are now dead. A massive house fire, once again, has taken the lives of three people here in Forks, Washington. Crews are here on the scene, looking to recover the bodies of the victims. _

_The fire, we're told, started at approximately 7:00 p.m. and, by the time firemen arrived, was too intense to go inside to rescue anyone. Emergency crews are going to recover the bodies through the rubble of what's left in the home. Luckily, the home is in a relatively remote area, and no other houses were damaged by the flames."_

A woman newscaster from the studio had appeared on the screen, her voice alarmed at the update. _"John, can you tell us anymore about the lone survivor?"_

"_From a paramedic I spoke to, one male teenager survived. He was found outside of a broken bedroom window. We are unsure of how he escaped, but he suffered smoke ventilation and burns so severe he had to be flown to Seattle Medical Hospital to receive care in its trauma center. Authorities are speculating smoke inhalation was the primary cause of death for the family. Among those dead, again, are one woman and two of her three children. We- hold on Leanne. I'm receiving breaking news from one of the neighbors…"_

The house was engulfed in flames as John had disappeared from the screen. Betty had cried silently as Arland had grasped her hand.

"_Leanne, I'm back. The names of the victims have been revealed. Though not confirmed by the police, the alleged victims are as follows: single mother, Elizabeth, aged 42; a son, Paul, aged 12; and a daughter, Leah, aged 9. According to the eyewitness, who also knows the family, the survivor of this terrible fire is the eldest son, aged 17. _

_It's a horrible situation, and as we look, chaos surrounds the entire neighborhood. The home, relatively small, appears to be one level and is thoroughly destroyed. Not a large home to hold four people, and one can only imagine what kind of electrical unit was being used on this unusually sweltering August day in Forks. We do not yet know the cause of the fire, but we will continue to keep you posted on any developments of this tragedy. _

_What a heartbreaking, devastating event to happen. Leanne, back to you…"_

* * *

Betty Cope swore up and down she'd called the hospital. She said since her daughter, Jen, was a doctor, she'd known just how the survivor of the fire was doing, how they'd had IVs hooked up to him, and how they'd had to sedate him because he'd been screaming so much.

That old woman is full of shit.

I didn't find out until the following morning, and by then, I'd vomited three times in the car on the way to Seattle.

Edward hadn't screamed at all.

Death had come a knockin', and Edward had opened that door so wide, not even the Grim Reaper would take him.

* * *

**Readers: This fic is called Alone in the Ashes: Did you really not see this coming? *evil grin***

**MariahajilE: If you're my Muffin and I'm your Cupcake, does that mean we'll make little baby Muffcakes?**

**Blueeyedcherry: Somewhere in the world, a greeneyedcherry is calling your bluff...**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

They set me up. The whole bulletproof glass, no visitors in the room, and seeing him all bandaged up? It was good. I mean, I almost bought it. But see, they made a mistake. The doctor was too calm. They should have picked someone else to portray him. He wasn't convincing enough. Through all of the third-degree burns and skin graphs and surgery talk, he slipped when he said Edward had a 35 percent chance of survival.

That's when I laughed. I knew they were full of it.

"You're funny," I told the doctor. "But you're also a lying sack of shit. Edward's fine. I bet that's not even him in there."

So I banged on the glass. I yelled and screamed and kicked and told Edward to wake the fuck up. That he promised me we'd go to the park today. That he wasn't getting out of this just 'cause he couldn't hang on to the monkey bars as long as I could. That we had to stop by Alice's house on the way 'cause she borrowed my shoes and never returned them. How we only had another week before senior year started, and I wasn't taking Trig without him. And how Mr. Garrett hated me anyway, and he'd probably fail me on purpose. So he needed to get up. Take off the bandages. Rip out the IVs. Stop fucking around 'cause I couldn't take it anymore.

"Do you hear me, Cullen?" I hollered, tears running down my face. "Get your ass out of that bed! I promise I won't even be mad. You win. Best prank ever. But you can't lay there 'cause we have to go. Call your mom and tell her we're on the way. Tell her we'll pick up Paul and Leah. Tell her you're a fucking moron, and you're sorry, and we'll even take the kids to the park with us. Tell her how we'll let Leah go down the slide first 'cause that's her favorite, and we'll make sure Paul doesn't throw his basketball in the tree again, and we'll bring her some ice cream and how none of this is true, and you're fine, and you're gonna wake up and how you're not gonna leave me 'cause I need you… and…"

When my words lost their strength, so did my legs.

Mom caught me before I fell to the floor. She rocked me side to side and whispered lies that everything was going to be all right. Her deception brought red spots to my vision. What did she know? She was no psychic, no clairvoyant with the ability to see the future. Crystal balls could be shattered. It was those who were left to bear the tragedy of misfortunes that were cut the most. I tuned her out. I didn't want to listen to her; I wanted Edward.

I wanted his goofy smile, the one he made when he knew he'd eaten the last bag of potato chips. I wanted his laugh. It was the laugh that made me laugh, and no matter how down I was feeling, it cheered me up. I wanted him to run his fingers through my hair and to tell me how red it was in the sun. I wanted to go home and curl up and watch a movie and sprinkle way too much salt on the popcorn just because I knew he hated it.

But what I wanted was irrelevant.

* * *

"Bella, honey, we're going home now."

Dad shook me awake, stirring me from a slumber I so desperately needed. I rubbed my eyes, feeling the strain on my neck from an uncomfortable chair I never remembered lying on.

"We can't leave," I mumbled, stretching my legs. "What if Edward wakes up?"

Dad's eyes shifted to Mom, then back to me. "He's in a medically-induced coma. He's not going to wake up for a while."

"But he's going to be all alone!" I protested, balling my fists into anger. "We can't leave him here." Why did they insist on abandoning him? Didn't they see he needed us? He had no one. No one at all.

"Police tracked down his family," Mom explained. "They were unable to find Edward's biological father, but he has a brother that lives in Forks. That's Carlisle and his wife, Esme."

I frowned as mom pointed to a couple talking at the nurse's station. "Who are these people? How come I've never heard of them or seen them before?"

Dad sighed and patted my back. "Bella, that's their story to tell, if they decide to. For now, you can go introduce yourself, and then we're going home. It's late."

I looked at my watch. It was almost midnight. We had been at the hospital all day.

It wasn't long enough.

"But-"

Even in the midst of tragedy, Dad never failed to surprise me. The stern look on his face told me I didn't have a choice. I groaned and stood up, following my parents to the strangers. We waited patiently as the nurse had them sign paperwork.

"Carlisle? Esme?" The couple turned around, replacing their sad looks with a fake smile full of pity. I hated them already.

"I'd like you to meet our daughter, Bella," Dad said, pushing me forward. "She's Edward's… Edward's…"

No one in Forks ever knew how to finish that statement. Love of his life seemed too extreme, so I settled on something less dramatic.

"Best friend," I said, filling in the silence.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Carlisle answered.

"Hello, Bella," Esme chipped in.

He and Esme both were wearing dressy clothes, and though they were wrinkled, I knew designer labels when I saw them. The distaste in my mouth grew by the second.

"Where have you been?" I asked bitterly.

"Bella!" Mom gave me a sharp glance, but I ignored her.

"No, I would like to know. I think everyone would like to know. Ms. Lizzie struggled every day of her damn life trying to feed three kids and put a roof over their heads. Now they're all dead and you think you can show up wearing Gucci and a gold Rolex and fix everything? Edward doesn't even know you! And he hates his father for what he's done. So by extension, he'll hate you! So please, give me one good reason why you should be here!"

Esme's red eyes watered, and she stepped forward as if she were trying to soothe a child throwing a tantrum. "Bella, I know you're angry. You have every right to be. Trust me. I wish we could have met under different circumstances. But we didn't even know Edward existed. Billy and Elizabeth ran off and got married, and we hadn't heard from them in almost 19 years. They shut everyone out. We didn't know about the children. If we'd known that… If we knew Elizabeth was even in Forks…"

"Lizzie," I interjected. "She prefers to go by Lizzie."

Esme nodded and continued. "Yes, Lizzie. I'm sorry. What I'm trying to say, Bella, is that we were kept out of the loop. Your dad told us how they divorced after Edward was born, but Billy kept popping back in out of nowhere. Then Lizzie had Paul and then Leah to raise all by herself. Trust me when I say that if we had known, Edward would've never struggled a day in his life. None of them would have. And so for us not trying hard enough, we are sorry."

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks, its weight crushing me to pieces that would never be whole again.

I wanted to hate them, to despise them for the awful life Edward had lived. I wanted to punish them for their ignorance, but I couldn't. I wasn't angry with them. Not even at Edward's dad, Billy, or at Ms. Lizzie for making poor life choices.

I was mad at the fire. I was furious at an entity that I couldn't control.

And that rage, I couldn't let it win.

Otherwise, it would fuel flames not even water could contain.

* * *

**Who else feels bad for Bella? :(**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

I came back the next day. And the day after that. And the day after that.

Dad came by several times to check on Edward's progress. He was in the position to make sure Edward was receiving the best care, so he stayed on top of the doctors and nurses. Though Carlisle and Esme could have afforded Edward's medical bills, dad took care of it. Every penny. No expenses spared. I was proud of him for that, for looking out for Edward like his own son.

Finally, it was Sunday, and though my mind rejected the notion, reality set in. School started the next day. The first day of senior year and I would have to endure it alone. I sat in the waiting area, chewing on stale Skittles from the vending machine when the doctor walked in.

"Edward's condition is improving. If you'd like to go visit him now, you may do so."

Carlisle and Esme stood up at the same time I did, but the doctor held out his hand. "No more than two visitors at a time. You'll also be required to wear a gown and gloves to reduce the possibility of germs and infections."

"Bella, you go ahead. We'll wait," Carlisle offered.

Though we'd spent hours upon hours in the room, with little chats here and there, I was surprised at his generosity. "Really?"

Carlisle nodded, and I followed the doctor down the hall toward Edward's room. He gave me a yellow protective gown and gloves to wear, and I walked timidly to Edward's bedside. Seeing him close up caused a lump in my throat, preventing me from swallowing.

His face and upper body had suffered second degree burns, so they weren't so bad, but the rest of him was covered with gauze and casts and medical tape.

"Can he hear me?" I asked the doctor. I finally looked at his nametag. Dr. Riley Biers. I could finally stop calling him Dr. Stop Standing There You Need to Do Something.

"It's very possible. I know this is hard, Bella, but don't be frightened. To help with Edward's recovery, he needs those around him who love him. And I can tell you love him very, very much."

Dr. Biers winked and left the room.

I stood there awkwardly, too scared to touch anything. He looked so frail, not at all like the Edward I knew. The hair that I loved so much was covered in white, and only parts of his upper body were showing. Medical machines beeped incessantly, and though they were annoying, I was thankful for each individual one.

I walked closer to his bedside and took a deep breath.

"School starts tomorrow. I'm not going to lie. It's gonna suck without you being there. Jasper, Emmett, and Alice said to tell you hi. They came by a few times, too. Emmett stole a nurse's uniform, so they kicked him out. Then we couldn't find Alice for a few hours, but she was on the pediatric floor, trying to kiss all the sick babies. They all miss you, ya know."

I stretched out one arm, letting my fingers dangle over the rail before touching his hand. "You have an aunt and uncle. Did you know that? They still can't find your dad, but they've been here every single day. They aren't too bad. I guess when you get better, you're going to be staying with them. Esme's kind of a crybaby, and Carlisle, well, he's hot. You've got good genes, Cullen."

Not that I expected him to, but Edward remained unresponsive. I did the only thing I could and kept speaking. "Mom is planning the funeral arrangements. I'm not going. I know that's mean and I sound like an ass, but I can't. Ms. Lizzie was like a mom to me, and if I have to watch that… or see two children's caskets… I'll lose it, Edward. You can yell at me later, but I hope you'll understand."

A part of me prayed for some movement from Edward, like the ones you see in a movie. The person is lying there, and then when their loved one says something profound, they move their pinky finger, and then the visitor starts yelling, and everyone comes into the room crying.

This was no motion picture. This was reality, torture in the purest form. Tears escaped from my eyes, dripping onto the plastic I was covered in.

"Fuck, Edward. Do you even know how hard this is?" My bottom lip trembled, and I grasped Edward's hand harder than I should have. "Senior year was supposed to kick ass. We were supposed to pick on all of the little freshman and tell them how the dead janitor's soul lurks on the third floor. We were supposed to go to the Homecoming football game, and I'd cheer you on from the bleachers. We're supposed to start our college applications and get as far away from here as possible, and then that stupid fire happened, and now none of that is going to happen!"

I started blubbering like a baby, losing the battle to stay strong. "How am I supposed to handle this without you, Cullen? How do I stand when everything is collapsing around me? I don't know what to do! I don't know what to do without you. I don't know how to breathe or eat or talk… There is no Bella Swan. I don't fucking exist without you. It was always us. Always together. Always causing mayhem and laughing and eating fucking popsicles and taking walks along the river…"

"You have to get better. You have to fight. Find some will inside of you and just get better. Show that fire who's boss, and no matter how much death is trying to pull you back in, you tell that motherfucker you're not giving up. You tell him you got a girlfriend on the other side who's waiting for you. You tell him you've got a life to live and that he can't have you. That you're already taken. That you're already mine."

A nurse pulled back the dividing curtain. "Sorry to interrupt you, but I need to check his vitals."

I nodded and leaned down, pressing my lips against Edward's cheek.

"You survived, baby. Now you just have to live."

* * *

***sniffle***

**If you're still here, I just wanted to thank you all for supporting/reviewing/tweeting/recommending this story. You're flucking ah-maz-ing and I hope you know that.**

**MariahajilE- Whenever you make it up to Beta heaven, you tell 'em Happenin said you're the best damn Beta that ever lived. And they owe you a shitload of muffins.**

**Blueeyedcherry- When you send back my docs with drops of your tears, I wipe them off with my hands. My heart is too weak to carry all your love. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

They came for me at 10:00am on the dot. There was no forewarning, no prelude ‒ just a volunteer with a simple yellow note and a gesture from Mrs. Uley, my government teacher.

_Bella Swan to the guidance counselor_.

They couldn't have disguised it if they wanted to. Everyone knows the pink slips are from the office, and the yellow are the 'We need to talk. You're emotionally fucked up' slips.

The class looked at me in pity, staring at me as I gathered my backpack and pride. One was heavier than the other.

I followed the volunteer, some geeky kid with acne and an aversion to water down the hall and into the sanctuary of doom. You can walk in, but you may never leave. Rumor is this girl named Angela went there once, and no one ever saw her again.

"Hello, Bella." Ms. Clearwater sat her desk, a plump woman with glasses and little to live for. The guidance counselors were never married. They were unfortunate women trying to give advice to unsuspecting teens and explore any emotional garbage you may be carrying. She wasn't getting anything from me; I'd sent it on a one-way trip to Peru.

"Hi." I slumped into the nearest chair, trying to not mentally organize her chaotic desk. It was the first day of school, for crying out loud.

"I'm Ms. Clearwater. I received a suggestion from your parents to speak with you." I cut my eyes at her. Oh, so the mighty Swans sent you, did they? Of course they did.

Birds liked to hover.

She ignored my exasperated expression and continued. "I'm here to talk about anything you may be feeling regarding the incident with Edward."

I frowned at her choice of words. Incident? An incident is when you get into a fight with the fatass trying to cut in front of you in the lunch line. An incident is getting caught cheating on a test. Having your soulmate get charred alive is not an incident. It's the fucking Holocaust of teenage love.

I crossed my arms in protest. "I have nothing to say. It happened. He's alive. That's all."

"How are you feeling about that? That he's alive?"

_What kind of fucked up question was that?_ I was beyond happy, grateful, and appreciative to be given a second chance with him. I glared at her, refusing to answer.

"Sometimes, Bella," Ms. Clearwater began, folding her hands together. "Even in the midst of a miracle, we find ourselves angry at the situation. While you can be comforted that Edward lived, you can have a range of feelings about the circumstances themselves. I want you to know that it's okay to feel anything you want. You can be happy. You can be sad. You can cry and laugh and mourn all at the same time. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I glared at her. I wasn't some cold-hearted soul. I knew I had the right to feel. That's what I'd been doing all along ‒ feeling and feeling and then feeling some more. I was tired of it. I wanted to not feel. I wanted to not wake up in the middle of the night with sweat pouring down my body. I wanted to not imagine the fear Edward must have had, trying to escape and watching his family die. I wanted to start over and pretend this never happened and have my old Edward back.

Ms. Clearwater sighed and handed me a laminated slip of paper. "This is an excuse to come see me at any time. No matter what class you're in or what time of the day it is, you show this to the teacher and you leave. Even if it's just to escape and sit here and do nothing. Got it?"

I stuffed the pass into my backpack and headed for the exit. She was sadly mistaken if she was expecting me anytime soon.

Reaching for the doorknob, I turned around. "Whatever happened to Angela Weber? You know, the shy girl with braces?"

Ms. Clearwater pushed her glasses up her nose and smiled.

"In my dungeon, of course. Now get back to class Miss Swan."

* * *

I scooted closer to Edward, trying to balance my textbook on my lap and write at the same time. "Homework on the first day. Can you believe this?"

Smiling, I showed him my paper that was only halfway done. "So guess what? Some new girl showed up today, Cullen, and I'm telling you. She's got a nice set of tits. Emmett tried to have first dibs on her in the cafeteria, but she shut him down. Hard. It was embarrassing to watch. Her name's Rosalie. I think you two would get along great. She's a smart aleck, just like you."

I erased the last line of gibberish I'd written and chewed on the edge of my pencil. "At the end of the day, they had some special assembly in your honor. They mostly talked about what a great football player you are and how they're gonna raise money for your medical bills. Dad's paying for everything, so I figure you can just pocket the cash. We'll take a trip to Disney World or something. Oh, and then…. This was so freaking funny. So they asked if anyone wanted to say any kind words, right? I didn't volunteer, if that's what you're wondering. I'd only brag about your cock, and then… Well… Nevermind."

"Anyways, Jasper raises his hand and goes running up the stage." I chuckle at the images in my head. "He flies right up the stairs and steals the microphone from Principal Black. Principal Black just stands there, and Jasper takes a deep breath. This music blares on. You know that song by Christina Perri, "A Thousand Years"? So it starts playing, and it's the saddest fucking song ever. And we're all thinking, 'Oh, this is just great. Now the whole auditorium is gonna flood with our tears.' We all figure he's gonna say something sweet about you and how you're such a good friend, but he points to someone in the back, and suddenly, lights flash and all these images pop up on the screen behind us. Let me tell you. The auditorium starts cracking up laughing."

"He had made some slideshow from that weekend we all went to the beach. Do you remember that? There was that picture of you all drunk and passed out on the sand. And another where you mooned Alice next to the pier. I mean, imagine your ass, only ten times bigger. Principal Black is just standing there, letting the song and pictures play, but his face went so pale… You would have loved it."

I giggled a few more times and then put my book to the side.

"You don't have to do it now, 'cause I know you'd be in a lot of pain, and you have another surgery tomorrow, but I'm going to keep praying that you'll wake up soon. You don't even have to talk. Just wake up, look me in the eye, and let me know you're okay, that you hear me. Can you do that for me, Cullen?"

3 weeks, 18 hours, and 45 minutes later, every star in the universe betrayed me.

I got my wish.

* * *

**Bella is so loving. And so I am. Click on for another chapter... :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

"How did yesterday's hearing go?" I stabbed at the wilted lettuce in my salad, assessing whether to drown it in ranch or to let it wither away. Carlisle and Esme sat across from me in the hospital cafeteria, chewing wistfully on turkey subs. Every day, when I arrived here after school, we'd defy the odds and attempt to eat the hospital's version of food. It was a miracle it hadn't killed us yet. I was certain this expiration date was from last month.

"We've been granted temporary custody, at least until Billy comes back into the picture," Carlisle explained between bites. "Which seems doubtful at this point."

I nodded, having seen firsthand what a jerk Edward's biological father was. The man had zero integrity when it came to family. "I hope he doesn't show up out of nowhere. I know that's your brother, but… I think it would be better if he stayed away. Edward doesn't need that right now."

Carlisle shook his head in agreement. "No offense taken. You're absolutely right. Has anyone ever told you that you are wise beyond your years?"

Blushing, I sipped a drink of water. "Only Edward. Does that count?"

Esme chuckled. "Absolutely. You know, Bella, Dr. Biers told us they are weaning Edward off from his medication. Basically, he could wake up any day now."

I smiled. It was the best news I'd heard all day. "Really? That's great."

I meant it. After several surgeries to the lower portion of his body, one for a broken leg and two for reconstructing skin, Edward was on his way to recovery. I tried to stay positive on that aspect instead of worrying why most of Edward's burns were on his legs: he must have gotten burned from trying to escape out of a window. We mainly worried about Edward's ability to walk; he'd had a lot of muscle and tissue damage from the fire, but Esme explained how rehab would help him get on his feet again. It was a long way down the road, but the possibility of hope lingered for us all.

"Tomorrow's Saturday," Carlisle said slowly. "Are you going to the funeral, Bella?"

The sudden change in conversation startled me. "I don't think so."

"Are you sure? I bet-"

I cut off Carlisle with a dismissal of my hand. "Don't. I've heard enough shit from my dad. I don't need it from you, too."

Carlisle opened his mouth and then shut it again. I knew I was being rude, and I'd probably insulted him, but he deserved it. Whose funeral I did or did not attend was none of his fucking business. He needed to back off. I already had one parent nagging me, I didn't need another adult, who I wasn't even related to, doing the same.

I grabbed my tray and scraped the metal chair across the dingy cafeteria floor. "I'll be upstairs."

* * *

I straightened Edward's blanket and covered him up more securely. "So, then Emmett and Jasper got into this huge argument. I mean, what was Rosalie supposed to do? Honestly, I felt bad for her. It must be hard being so hot. So they kept yelling at each other, and then Jasper swung first. All hell broke out after that. Books went flying, heads got knocked into lockers… It was a complete mess. Principal Black had to come and break up the fight. Truthfully, I think Emmett won, but don't tell Jasper I said that. Alice kept crying and crying, and I don't know what her freaking problem was. She ran down the hall, and nobody saw her for the rest of the day. I wish you could have been there. Jasper had a bloody nose and everything. And to top it off, at the end of the school day, Mike the Scalper walks Rosalie to her car, and she kisses him! I don't think I'd ever laughed so hard in my life. Emmett and Jasper deserve every minute of in-school suspension they got. Two full days. All for nothing."

I pulled out several worksheets out of my backpack and started working on them. "Ms. Clearwater ‒ you know, the weird guidance counselor? ‒ I bribed her to register your classes. She's kind of a pushover. I know, you may not even make it back this year, but I got all of your teachers to give me the classwork you'd normally be doing. I told them I'd make a binder for you. I'm going to go ahead and do these anyway, 'cause I don't want you to be behind or anything. You've already got enough to worry about."

I scratched my head at the second question, shrugged, and circled the third option. When in doubt, go with C. Or was it B? "I'm not making any promises you'll pass, but it's the thought that counts. So don't be pissed when your GPA drops a point."

_Or four_, I thought internally.

I finished several more worksheets in silence, then put away our school work. "Oh! I almost forgot!" Pulling out an iPod, I pressed several buttons and pushed play.

"I figured laying here all day's pretty boring, so I downloaded some of your favorite songs. The nurse told me she'd keep it charged for you."

I slipped the electronic under his hand and let the sounds of Claire de Lune play through the air. "I really don't know why you listen to this crap. There's a Katy Perry song or two on there, as well. I know you hate her, but I figure the sound of her screeching will be enough to wake you up."

I sat there for hours with Edward. Sometimes I chatted, and sometimes I just let the music fill the room. I took several breaks, letting Carlisle and Esme have their time with him. Mom called to check in on me, and I was in the middle of explaining why her addiction to _Game of Thrones _was serious enough for an intervention when the red light outside of Edward's room began blinking.

Esme came running out, and I feared the worst.

_What if his heart stopped?_

_What if he stopped breathing?_

"Bella! He moved! He actually moved! He's waking up!"

I ended the phone call with Mom without even saying goodbye and dashed in the direction of Edward's room. I knew I was breaking the visitor count rule, but I couldn't find it within me to care.

My heartbeat was racing as I brushed past Carlisle and Esme to get a closer glance.

Edward's eyelids fluttered.

Once. Twice.

Then he went completely still again.

A nurse rushed in, but Edward remained paralyzed in his position.

Esme began immediately apologizing. "I'm sorry I hit the call button. I thought he was coming out of his coma. His hands kept jerking, but…"

The nurse patted Esme on the shoulder and pushed a switch to stop the light from flashing. "Coma patients may react reflexively to sounds or stimuli in their environment. It may have just been his muscles flexing or a neurological function of his brain. It doesn't necessarily mean he may wake up right away, but I'll let the doctor know."

Esme nodded as the nurse left, and I glanced down at Edward, grasping his hand. "C'mon, Cullen. I know you're in there. Just wake up. Please."

He didn't budge.

I suddenly noticed the silence in the room. "Who turned off the music?"

"Music?" Carlisle glanced around, apparently looking for a source. _There are no 8-tracks here, old man._

"I brought an iPod for Edward, so he could listen to music when we're not here." I clarified. "But it was still playing when I left to call Mom."

Esme shook her head. "There was no music playing, Bella. We were outside talking to the nurse before we entered, but it was quiet when we came in. Maybe she turned it off."

I shrugged and grabbed the device, to start the music again when I noticed the artist on the screen.

I pressed play, and the songstress belted out her tune.

_I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter  
Dancing through the fire  
'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar  
Louder, louder than a lion  
'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar!  
_

"Oh, my God! Look!" Esme's voice trembled as Edward's fingers tapped lightly on the bed.

They were gradual pats, not in rhythm with the song, but as if they were searching for something.

Tears of joy ran down my face. "He's looking for the iPod I had under his hand! He's trying to turn it off! He's the one that did it! He's the one that stopped the music!"

I laughed and cried simultaneously. "Fuck yeah, Cullen! I knew you could do it!"

I put Edward out of his misery and pressed stop as Carlisle, Esme, and I embraced in some sort of awkward, hop up and down, salty, teary-eyed hug.

It was the best feeling in the world.

And then… it wasn't.

Maybe it's because we weren't paying attention to him and that bastard wanted all eyes on him.

Or it could have been because the music discontinued, and although he'd had a previous repulsion to Katy Perry, it was probable he secretly liked her songs.

Perhaps it's because he had no idea what the hell was going on and this was too much for him.

But whatever the reason, whatever the cause, Edward woke up with a jolt.

The piercing cry that came out of him was so agonizing, so gut-wrenchingly painful, I wish I had never stepped foot into the room.

A cry can mean many things. Often, it's a call for help. Other times, it's to express sorrow or pain.

This was none of the above.

Edward's cry was an excruciating, diabolical, tumultuous question to whomever dared to be in his presence.

_Why the fuck am I still here?_

* * *

**Oh boy.**

**The good news: Edward has woken up. The bad news: It's all downhill from here.**

**TY to MariahajilE and Blueeyedcherry for being ninjas. Don't worry your secrets are safe with me! ;)**


	12. Chapter 12

**Sorry I'm late everyone! Its Mr. Happenin's 30th birthday! *pops balloons everywhere***

* * *

**Chapter Twelve**

Dr. Biers rushed into the room, startled at Edward's awakening.

"Edward! Edward!" The doctor held Edward's trembling, shaking body still, fearful of the blood pressure that was rising too speedily. "Edward, you're at Seattle Medical Hospital. I need you to look at me. My name is Dr. Biers, and I'm here to help you. It's alright, son. You're okay."

Edward's breathing hitched, his eyes gathering in the environment surrounding him. My hands covered my mouth in shock, quivering as Edward tried to grasp reality. It was heartbreaking to watch, to witness him come back from whatever depths of darkness had swallowed him whole. I froze, hiding myself behind Esme, battling between standing and grabbing him into a desperate embrace.

"Edward, I need you to look at me." Dr. Biers' voice was a pacifying calm, an attempt to soothe Edward's distress. "Very good. Can you talk? Can you tell me your full name?"

A guttural, inaudible sound escaped as Edward opened his mouth, then closed it again. The doctor waited patiently, keeping his eyes locked on him.

"E-edw-ward Cu-uul-len." His vocal cords strained to articulate his words.

"Good work, Edward. You're doing great. Are you in any pain?"

Edward's hands clawed at the bed sheets, his nails sinking into the fabric. I felt helpless during his state of frenzy, his face contorting into several expressions before he shook his head.

"Okay, then. If you start to feel any pain whatsoever, you push this green button right here, okay?" Dr. Biers held up a medical device connected to his IV. "You've got some wonderful people in here with you. They've been here the entire time. Carlisle, your uncle, and Esme, your aunt. And there's a special little lady who's been waiting for you. Bella?"

The doctor gestured for me to step forward. I made note of his calculated words not to use the word 'family' in describing Esme and Carlisle. He didn't want to trigger Edward's reaction again. Esme squeezed my hand, encouraging me. I kept my head down, too frightful to make eye contact. Walking at an agonizing pace, I moved beside Dr. Biers at Edward's bedside.

"Bella's here for you, Edward. I'm going to leave now, but I'll be right outside if you need me." Dr. Biers patted the space beside Edward's leg and gave us a tight-lipped smile on his way out. He was leaving us to do the hard part.

For reasons unknown, the florescent lights above me buzzed directly into my ear. I could actually hear the hum of the coils above me. It was safer to focus on those lights, to watch as they dimmed and then brightened again.

Anything was better than admitting Edward didn't even acknowledge me. Not a rasping noise escaping from his throat, not a single blink.

Nothing.

"Edward?" I choked on the syllable, as if saying his name caused me actual physical pain. "I… uh… I'm glad to see you awake."

Inhaling a deep breath, I continued with an encouraging nod from Carlisle. Uncertain on what to say next, I shoved my hands into my jean pockets and shuffled my feet. "We all miss you. And, um, the gang said to tell you hi. Been kind of a bore at school without you."

Damn it. This was so hard. Why was I acting like this, like I had no formal education and was unable to enunciate a complete sentence? This was Cullen! My Edward, the dumbass who once licked a battery for ten bucks and a _Despicable Me_ movie ticket. Edward, who hid disturbing pornographic magazines under his mattress, and if you asked him about it, he'd tell you he worked for NASA and was on a special mission to Uranus.

Stupid, dumb, charming, loveable Edward.

Annoyed with my behavior, I removed my hands from my pockets and grasped Edward's hands under my own. He still wouldn't look at me. I blamed his lack of eye contact on either shock or being doped up on medicine. It didn't matter. My job was to let him know I was here and I wasn't leaving him anytime soon.

His next movement must have been laborious, an arduous reminder of how weak his body was.

But it didn't stop him.

With the will of a thousand men, Edward lifted his hand from underneath mine, laying it on the ivory colored blanket.

His gaze lingered on an unknown space, fixated on an object no one else could see.

His lips parted, and I knew he would struggle to say the smallest phrase. I understood how difficult it would be, just to whisper my name.

I was wrong.

It was too easy.

Too coherent.

By the time I deciphered his words, the brittle weight that had held me up, the fragile strength that had kept me going, crumbled beneath my feet.

"B-bel-la. G-gget o-oout."

* * *

**Dang Edward, that's cold...**

**But not as cold as the *sobs* everyone keeps writing on reviews. Stop your tears, ppl. Somebody better call the Titanic 'cause we haven't even hit the tip of the iceberg yet...what? too soon? lol**

**TY to MariahajilE and Blueeyedcherry. One of u Betas, while the other Prereads. Both are totally awesome and put up with my cryptic emails.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

I stared in horror at Edward, his rejection plaguing me like an illness without a cure. Was his physical condition not enough? Did he have to burn those around him, as well? To scar us with an equivalency of his blisters until we all scorched to unrecognizable remnants?

However, his dismissal was not to the strangers in the room. It was to me.

_Bella, get out. _

_Bella._

The lone statement cut with the precision of a jagged razor. My Edward, the boy wouldn't go to sleep without hearing the sound of my voice, didn't even want to be near me. Was there some brain injury the doctors had missed? Was there emotional scarring that caused him to reject his loved ones? Was he fearful because of his appearance, scared I would judge him?

Carlisle spoke first. "Bella… Maybe you should…"

Every time that man opened his mouth, it was to boss me around.

Fuck that.

Fuck this.

Fuck Edward.

I leaned over the railing, grasping Edward's thin gown into my hands and twisting. His emerald eyes, which held no glimmer, bore into my own.

"Bella!" Esme reached for me in shock, frightened I would add to Edward's injuries. I held his chin in my other hand, firmly keeping him in place.

"You listen to me, you little shit. Damn it, Edward, I know you've been through a lot. I know you are probably hurting more than any of us realize, but you are not going to fucking do this to me. Do you understand? You are not going to wake up, making every single hope I had for you come true, and then tell me to leave. I don't care if the medicine has seeped into your brain and a robot has taken over your body, causing you to be so damned heartless. I will _not _leave. I am not going fucking anywhere. So you sit your ass there and stare at a wall if you want to. Fine by me. But you're not going to dismiss me like I'm nothing, like I don't matter.

I have been here every fucking minute of every fucking day waiting to see those beautiful eyes of yours. You are not going to ruin this. Everybody in your damn family is dead, and the only people you have left are the people in this room. You want me to leave? Good luck. 'Cause I am going to be here every fucking day, feeding you shit through a straw, washing your dirty ass, and wrapping bandages so tight you'll be praying for air."

I released his gown and chin, watching his wide eyes stare at me in amazement.

Just then, a nurse came in with two cups on a tray. "The doctor wants to make sure Edward stays hydrated, so I have some water and ice chips for him."

I grabbed the tray and thanked her as she left.

Lifting the lid from the cup filled with crushed ice, I dipped the spoon into it and turned to Edward.

"Now be a good boy and open your fucking mouth."

* * *

**Woah. I fear Bella is completely losing it. :(**

**MariahajilE and Blueeyedcherry let me post this. So really, its their fault you're throwing pillows at me. Let's blame them, okay?**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

"_You think we could stay here forever?" _

_Edward and I were stretched across the hood of my Volvo, watching the sun go down on the horizon. Sounds of Paul and Leah roughhousing in the background filled our content silence._

_He laughed, tucking a curl behind my ear. "At my house? I'm trying to get the hell out of here as soon as possible."_

"_No," I corrected. "I mean right here. You think we could just lie here? Watch the sky and never move?"_

_Edward propped himself up on his elbow and turned to me. "We'd starve."_

_I rolled my eyes at his logical explanation._

"_But," he continued. "If that means staying here next to you, I'll do it. They'll find our bodies mummified together, holding each other in a lover's embrace."_

"_Such the romantic," I teased._

"_It's true," he whispered. "I'd be willing to give up everything I am just to die with you."_

"_Not _for_ me?" I asked._

"_What?" he replied, confused by my question._

"_You said you'd give up everything just to die _with_ me. You wouldn't die for me?"_

"_That's the thing, Bella," he whispered, pressing his lips close to my ear. "I wouldn't do that. I could never die for you."_

_My lip trembled, shocked by his admission. Did I mean nothing to him?_

_Edward's hand caressed my cheek, tracing the outline of my face. _

"_I would never perish for you, sweet Bella. That would be the ultimate sacrifice, to give up my life for yours. I'm much too selfish."_

"_If we couldn't be together forever, not even death would be able to keep me."_

* * *

I resurfaced from the steaming water with tears streaming down my face. Memories of Edward filled my thoughts, tugging at bits of my conscience I refused to forget.

I hugged my knees, wrapping my arms around them as water threatened to spill over the edge of the tub. It was all I could do ‒ hold myself. If I let go, I'd fall apart. Pieces of me would break, shattering into an abyss that I would never find.

What I did yesterday to Edward was unforgiveable. He'd lain there, unable to move, and I'd yelled. I'd cursed and thought of everything cruel thing I could possibly say just to tell him how hurt _I _was. As if he hadn't suffered. As if he wasn't already deteriorating himself. It was egotism at its best. I deserved his cold eyes, the way he disregarded me with his actions.

I didn't deserve him.

Mom knocked on my door to tell me she and dad were leaving for the funeral. I'd already made up my mind, refusing to sit through a service where people lied. They would pretend they knew them, say sweet comments about what wonderful people they were, how a tragic accident cut their lives too short.

They wouldn't say how Leah gave the best hugs, how she squeezed you so tight you thought your insides would burst. They wouldn't explain how Paul had a stash of candy bars under his mattress. That if you tickled him hard enough, he'd eventually give you one. They would forget to mention how Ms. Lizzie smiled; that when she grinned, there was a hole in the back from her dental surgery. They wouldn't tell how she'd cover it up with her hand and then laugh, because it was useless.

I didn't want to be a part of the circus. They would bury the victims' bodies with tears in their eyes, and then they would wake up the next day. They would keep living and eventually forget the tragedy that ruined an entire family.

Oh sure, they say 'what a pity' if a newspaper was kind enough to write a remembrance article, but they wouldn't recall the pain. They wouldn't reminisce the shock that they felt or the way our town turned upside down.

They'd keep living and eventually… after the bodies had rotted into dust, after the news stopped broadcasting, after a new house replaced the rubble… they'd forget.

I couldn't do that to Edward.

* * *

I made my way around the hospital corridor, bumping into one of Edward's nurses.

"Bella!" She seemed stunned by my appearance. I suppose everyone was at the funeral today, even Carlisle and Esme. I wonder if Edward knew. I guess Esme had probably told him, that wouldn't surprise me. She might have been a crybaby, but she was an honest one.

I replied with a 'hi,' but she stood there, not letting me pass.

"I don't think Edward is up for visitors today," she said slowly.

I frowned, my suspicions confirmed. "Okay. Well I guess I'll come back tomorrow."

"I don't think that's a good idea," she said, shaking her head. "He, um, has asked the staff not to let you visit him."

_He did what?!_

The bile in my throat began to rise when she continued talking, digging into her uniform pocket. "But he told me to give you this."

My hand trembled, taking back the iPod I had left for him. "Did he say why? I mean, I know he may be mad at me. I kind of yelled at him, but..."

The nurse shook her head sympathetically. "No. I was just given specific directions to forbid you from his room."

Tears welled up in my eyes. I nodded and began to turn around.

"Oh, wait! Sorry. This was in my other pocket. I almost forgot." She handed me a piece of paper and walked in the opposite direction.

The sheet of construction paper was folded in half, slightly scorched on the edges. I opened it slowly and collapsed to the floor.

It was a horribly made butterfly, painted with blue and green and red.

The perfect symmetry.

* * *

**Sheesh. Edward promised to keep it, didn't he? He sorta did, then gave it back. You cannot trust children. Especially 5 yr old Edwards. **

**I love you guise's reactions to chapters. I laugh evilly from behind my desk at work. **

**MariahajilE and Blueeyedcherry won't take the blame for the story's heartbreak. That's why I'm holding them hostage. Please tweet me for further information regarding their ransom. *Blueberries and cherries not accepted* ;)**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

**September**

"…and the proposal has been denied by the committee, but I'm telling you, Renee, this is not the end of it." Dad gestured animatedly with his hands as bits of lamb flew out of his mouth.

"You should resubmit it in 30 days," Mom replied. "Charlie, if you convince the board… I'm sure with enough help… and the students could probably… Bella?"

Lost in my own turmoil, my dinner plate remained untouched. I wondered how long I could forgo eating before anyone noticed.

"Bella!"

Lifting my head slowly, I gazed into my mother's eyes. "Hmm?"

"I asked you a question. Do you think the students at your school could sign a petition to add a children's cancer ward to the hospital? I think the young people's voices would be heard."

"Yeah, sure," I answered numbly, not even fully hearing her question. Nothing she asked mattered. Nothing she said mattered. None of it mattered.

"Bella? Are you all right? You haven't even touched your dinner." Mom glanced wearily at my plate that was still full.

Apparently, 20 minutes was the longest I could go on my route to anorexia.

"I'm fine."

Both of my parents stared at me, refusing to break eye contact. It was the kind of stare that you gave that weird goth girl in the hallway; the one who always wore long sleeves and took incessant trips to the bathroom, because you knew she was cutting the shit out of herself. You know you're being rude, but you keep looking because, well, it's a pretty fucked up situation. You wanna say to her, "How bad could your life possibly be that you have to slice up your skin with a razor?" and then show her pictures of five year olds with leukemia.

Like I said, I was receiving that stare. So I repeated my mantra internally until I began to believe it. _I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fucking fine._

Instead, I took the high road. "May I be excused from dinner?"

This is the part where the parents are supposed to say, "Sure, you may be excused," but this was no typical family. Mom and dad were nosy as hell, and refused to let me leave. Parental guidance, one might say. I called it torture.

"No, you may not." Mom placed her fork on the table and glanced at me with great concern. "Bella, I know this is difficult, but you need to understand that Edward needs space. I know you two are close, but his entire life has been turned upside down. Put yourself in his shoes. Imagine how much heartbreak he's feeling. It's no wonder he's upset and not wanting visitors."

"Carlisle and Esme still visit him," I said bitterly.

"That's different," Dad interjected, sighing at my juvenile behavior. "They are his family. He needs that type of support system. Give it time, honey. It's only been a few weeks. He'll come around."

Giving back a promised childhood project was not coming around. It was some sad, depressing 'This is over/I never want to see you again' bullshit. 'Oh, and by the way, I mostly got burned alive because I ran back inside to get it.'

I wish he had let it get consumed by the fire.

My eyes welled up in tears as I glared at my father with anger. "He'll come around? That's the best advice you've got? How about telling me he's sorry, and he'll realize he needs me, and he'll ask for me any day now? Tell me his heart is breaking just like mine and that it's shattering into a million infinite pieces that will never find its way whole again. Tell me that he's to the point of hysteria, that he's going crazy without me, and that every time I cross his mind, a little more of him continues to burn."

"So," I wailed. "If you can't give me reassurance that he's feeling exactly like I am, that he too isn't dying on the inside, then be quiet. Because you know nothing."

I saw the lump in Dad's throat rise and then fall again.

"He _is_ feeling like you are, honey. That's why he sent you away. You are the complete reminder of everything he's lost."

I shook my head, not understanding. "But why? Doesn't he understand that I'm here for him? That I'm trying to help make him better?"

"He does," Dad answered sympathetically. "But sometimes memories are worse than flames. Flames eventually settle; they ultimately go out. But memories can torch the soul."

Mom patted my hand sympathetically.

"And that, my dear, you will never be able to fix."

* * *

I tried strolling right past the vending machine, but of course, Dr. Biers caught me. "Bella, you know you can't be here."

"Actually, they said I couldn't be in Edward's room, not the hospital itself. So technically, I can do as I please." I plopped myself onto the floor and opened my backpack, pulling out a textbook. "I'm just doing homework. You wouldn't want to interrupt a student trying to further her education, would you?"

Dr. Biers stared at me a few seconds. "Bella-"

"After all," I continued. "I wonder what the Executive Director would have to say about a doctor not doing their job and harassing innocent teenage girls."

Dr. Biers huffed and threw his hands into the air. "Fine."

I smirked and opened Edward's textbook to page 139 as the doctor walked away. Dammit, this trigonometry was getting harder by the day. I struggled through the first set of problems when Edward's nurse Emily passed by me.

"Psst!" I whispered.

"Bella?" she crouched down beside me. "You know you're not supposed to be here!"

"So I keep hearing," I answered curtly. I would do my best to keep hidden from the Cullens, as well. That Carlisle had a mouth on him. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure."

I pulled out a scrapbook and handed it to her. "Can you give this to Edward? He doesn't even have to know I'm here. Just tell him I dropped it off, and no, he can't give it back."

"You're sitting right outside his room," she grinned. 'He's bound to notice. But yes, I'll give this to him."

She opened up the blue felt scrapbook that only contained one picture. "Aww, this is so cute. How old were you?"

I glanced the picture of Edward and me, merely children, sitting on a swing set floating a few feet from the ground. Well, I was swinging, doing all of the labor. He was sitting on my lap. I remember he kept telling me, "Push hawder. Push hawder." _Heavy bastard._

"I think we were about five. See his missing teeth?" I pointed to his gap-tooth smile. "I pulled those out myself. String on a doorway really does work."

Emily laughed and stood up. "I'll keep this beside his bed. Besides, he's too weak to reach the trashcan.

I grinned back. "That's what I was counting on."

* * *

**October**

"What do you have for me today?" Emily asked, holding out her hand.

"Age nine," I explained. "Edward and I running away after not getting ice cream. Or so we thought. Dad knew we were in the treehouse the whole time."

Emily giggled, stuffing the photo in her pocket. "Your book is getting pretty full."

"Has he looked in it at all?"

Emily's smile faded. "I don't think so. It's been in the same position as I always leave it. Down to the centimeter. Trust me, I even measured it one day when he was sleeping."

I pouted but kept my hopes high. "Just keep putting them in there, okay?"

"I will."

* * *

**November**

I found Emily walking down the corridor and stopped her just as she was about to turn the corner. "Hey, Em. I have two for you today."

I showed her a picture of Edward and me at the middle school Valentine's Day dance, awkwardly breakdancing in the middle of a crowd. The other picture was of me in the emergency room, getting a cast after Edward had fallen on my hand. It was true what they said: _white boys can't dance._

"I can't."

Frowning, I held onto the photographs. "How come? Did you get into trouble? If so, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean-"

"No," Emily replied, shaking her head. "I mean, I can't give it to him, because he's gone."

I held back my shock. "Gone? He went home?"

Emily lowered her voice and leaned in closer. "He's been transferred to the rehabilitation center in Forks. He left this morning."

I smiled. "That's great. I'll go over there."

"I don't know, Bella," Emily's eyes cast downward. "It's not exactly the same. They have very strict visiting hours, and you can't go loitering around the building. It's very small, as well. They only hold about 20 patients. If the Cullens see you there…"

I gave her a hug. "When have I ever let that stop me before? Don't worry, I'll find a way."

Emily squeezed me back. "You're good for him, you know that? Well, aside from the photo you showed me of you two getting caught sneaking into a rated R movie."

I giggled. "Thanks, Emily."

After saying our goodbyes, I turned around. "Wait. Did he take the scrapbook with him?"

Emily told me to hold on, she hadn't even checked the room. She returned a few seconds later.

I saw her forlorn expression before I even noticed the binder.

"I'm sorry," she said, handing it to me.

I didn't reply.

I was too scared to open my mouth, because somewhere, deep down inside, I would scream.

I couldn't do that here.

But later, it would come.

* * *

I gasped in air, holding my knees tightly, as the rain fell across my face.

It was safe here, underneath the willow tree, to sit and wallow in my own desperate pain. The hurt and misery swallowed me completely, taking over what little hope I had held onto. So I let the bloodcurdling scream out.

I screamed and I cried and I kicked the wet ground. I pounded on the leaves that held droplets of water. I nearly ripped my sweater apart, clawing at my skin. And then, when I thought of Edward's face, his sappy grin I loved so much, I sobbed even louder.

I began to lose it and yelled to the vision of Edward.

"Are you happy now, Cullen? Is this what you wanted?" I punched the tree and bits of bark fell to the ground. My breakdown came violently, wrapped in veils of agony and desperation. "You wanted me miserable ‒ so fucking sad I can't even breathe? Well, you won. I feel like shit. I feel like every fucking time I try to pull myself up, you push me down again. You keep pushing and pushing, and I've fallen, Cullen. I've fallen so fucking far I will never get up again!"

I slid against the wood, scraping my skin against the rough surface. "I don't know what you want from me, baby. If I leave you alone, then I'll have to leave a part of myself. And I can't do that. We're two parts of the same shitty circle, and if you break, then I break. If you give up, then I'll have to give up. I can't do that. I can't admit you don't need me. I can't admit after all we've gone through, that all of this is for nothing."

"I won't do it, Cullen. I've already given you my heart. It's not some picture you can take back, half burned and useless. 'Cause I'm gonna keep handing it back to you. Over and over again. Each time you chip away a piece of it, I'm gonna tape that motherfucker back together and give it right back. So you can't keep doing this. I'm running out of pieces, baby. I'm running out…"

The rain poured down, pelting across my face as I lay there for hours.

Eventually, someone came and lifted me into their arms.

I couldn't tell who, because despite the night sky, all I could see was Edward.

* * *

**If you aren't walking outside just to slide down the nearest tree and wail, I haven't been doing my job.**

**You lovely readers- I adore you. Even your fake cries (ahem RoseArcadia).**

**TY MariahajilE and Blueeyedcherry! No matter how late it is, you always read & fix my crap. It's like you're my little minions...*laughs maliciously***


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

"Bella, in what presidential election year did Republicans dub Democrats the party of 'Communism, Corruption and Korea'?"

It was so fucking cold in here. Why did they have to keep it freezing? It was the end of November and already winter had crept in like a whore in the night. The cheap bastards at Forks High refused to keep us warm. _Pass your exams,_ they said. _Do your very best_.

Not if we turned into icicles first.

I wrapped my arms around myself, wondering what Edward was doing at that moment.

"Miss Swan, do I need to repeat the question?" Mrs. Uley and the rest of the class stared at me, waiting for an answer.

"Oh. Umm…" I looked desperately into my open textbook which contained no helpful information.

"1952." Alice mumbled under her breath.

"It was 1952," I repeated louder.

"Thank you," Mrs. Uley nodded in approval. "So, during that time, the US parties continued to struggle…"

I mumbled a thank you to Alice, who tilted her head ever so slightly. I could feel her staring at me during certain points in the class. She kept fiddling, and when class was over, I was too slow to make an escape.

"Are you okay?" she asked apprehensively.

I stuffed my textbook and notebook into my backpack, zipping it quickly. "I'm good."

"Are you sure?" she questioned me again, following me as I walked to my locker. "You don't hang out with us anymore. We've asked you to the movies several times and you keep turning us down. You walk around like you've lost your puppy. You barely even talk to us anymore. We're worried about you."

I assumed the 'we' she was speaking of included herself, Rosalie, and Jess. Their after school and weekend activities seemed so trivial to me. I had better things to do-like trying to break into the rehabilitation center. Edward had refused my visit every day I came by, each time ending with an emotional speech by Esme. It wore on me, each rejection causing actual pain.

"It's Edward," I admitted, switching books from my locker and then closing it. "He's been in Forks Rehabilitation for three weeks now and he won't even see me. Everytime I show up, they turn me away."

"Did he tell you why?" Alice asked, linking her arm with mine as we walked to lunch.

"That's the worst part, Al. I haven't seen him in months. He won't speak to me, he banned me from his hospital room, and he didn't even take the scrapbook I made for him."

"Maybe he's going through post-traumatic stress disorder or something. They say it happens when people suffer a horrible event."

I nodded. "That's what my dad said. But I'm his best friend. Or _was_. I don't understand. Did you know my parents visited him? Brought him flowers and balloons and everything. They stayed two whole hours, Al, and I can't even get two seconds. It's fucked up."

"Wow…"

Yeah, not even the talkative Alice knew how to respond to that one.

"So, I don't know what to do anymore."

"Well," Alice answered carefully, as she grabbed a tray. "I think you deserve an explanation at the very least. I say we stop by and pay Edward a little visit."

"But I just told you-"

Alice grinned widely and watched as a slop of mashed potatoes fell onto her plate. "Nobody said anything about walking through the door, Bella."

It took me a second to realize her plan. I squeezed my arms around her mid-section in a tight hug.

"Thank you, Alice."

"No problem. What's a friendship without a felony to bind us?"

* * *

"We look like ninjas."

Alice and I crept alongside the Forks Rehab Therapy Center sometime after midnight, dressed in all black.

"Hey, at least we're sexy ninjas!" Alice replied, looking through another window covered with blinds. "Did you find out his room number?"

I held up my parents' visitors pass that I found crumbled on their dresser. "Room 12. How are we supposed to get in? Don't they lock the windows?"

"Sometimes they keep them unlocked so patients can get air throughout the day. It's hard being cooped up. My grandma had to stay here after she had her stroke. She lost movement on her right side."

"Oh, I'm sorry," I answered pathetically.

"No worries. The old geezer was back to playing badminton in less than a month." Alice counted six windows down and stopped.

"This is it?" I questioned.

"Even rooms on this side, odd rooms on the other," she explained. She dug her fingers underneath the windowsill and pushed upward. It opened without a hassle. "Smooth as butter."

I peeked through the blinds, and there he was.

Edward was lying on his back breathing deeply. A soft fluorescent light glowed above the sink in the right corner. A wheelchair sat next to his bed and he had a cast on his leg. Even in his predicament, he was as beautiful as ever. Most of his bandages were gone and wore his normal clothes. There were significant burns on his visible leg, but I was just happy to see him in his typical state.

I hoisted Alice in as she fumbled around the blinds, then she assisted me. Luckily, we made it inside without causing a ruckus.

Edward stirred in his sleep as Alice towered over him. She was about to shake him awake but I grabbed her arm just in time.

"Don't!" I warned from behind her. "He'll wake up yelling."

"Not tonight." Alice poked Edward several times until his eyes opened with shock. She covered his mouth just as a shriek escaped.

"You scream you little bastard and I'll suffocate you with a pillow, understand? We came all this way just to see you and we aren't leaving until you start talking."

Edward nodded under Alice's hold as I stepped forward shyly. "Hi Edward."

Alice removed her hand from his mouth as he eyed me cautiously.

I expected him to ignore Alice and cry for help.

I predicted he would turn over and disregard us completely.

Instead, in the calmest voice possible, Edward spoke to me.

"Hi Bella."

* * *

**Sorry this is a day late everyone! My fault! I don't usually post on Sundays, but I figure I owed everyone from yesterday. **

**This chapter is beta'd by the one and only Blueeyedcherry as MariahajilE hides in moving boxes. Cherry, you did an awesome job! **

**Soo...we finally have Edward talking! Should we bring these two lovebirds back together? (ha! Just kidding! I love giving you people false hope!)**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

"Leave."

One disinterested glance and we were back to square one. Not this. Not all over again. My shoulders sagged in defeat until I noticed the direction Edward was looking toward.

"Oh!" Alice glimpsed at the both of us before exhaling. "Fine. Sure, I do all of the hard work, think of all the great plans, but who is the first to get kicked out? Me! Little ol' me. I swear, some people have no respect…"

"I'll be out here freezing," she continued ranting as she climbed out the window. "After all, I've always dreamed of becoming a snowman."

I shook my head at her comical jab and turned back to Edward. He pushed a button on the side of the railing which caused his bed to rise and propped him forward.

"Why are you here?" His voice was dead. Emotionless. It was a simple question, with no thought or sentiment.

My face flushed crimson with anger.

"Why am I-" I interrupted my own words, realizing they were becoming louder in pitch. I hissed my fury in the dimly lit room. "Are you serious? Edward, you haven't talked to or seen me in months. Haven't you missed me at all? Don't you think I love you enough that I want to see you get better?"

"What do you want from me?" Edward's stare was sharper than daggers and it penetrated me in the most sensitive of places. "You want me to hug you? You want me to say I've missed you, that I'm glad you're here? You want me to be normal, so we can sit in this bed and laugh and joke around and act like nothing has happened? I can't do that, Bella. I'm not the same Edward. Things have changed. If you're expecting him, then you better stop searching. He's gone. And he's not coming back."

I knelt beside his bed, with tears betraying me from both eyes. I attempted to grasp his hand, but he immediately jerked it away from me. "Edward, I'm sorry you lost everyone in the fire. I am so very, very sorry. No one should ever have to deal with such a horrible accident, especially the way you did. I can't bring them back. I wish I could…but I can't. The very least I can do is be here for you. I can talk to you about it, I can-"

"Stop it!" He bellowed and I waited anxiously for someone to appear. The seconds ticked by and no one approached his closed door. The pupils of his eyes flared, black pools in a sea of green. He was being deliberately cold, attempting to solidify me with his anger alone.

"Please," he begged in a much softer tone. "Just stop. I don't want to talk about this anymore."

I nodded, releasing my compassion inwardly. I stood up, quietly sliding a chair closer to his bedside. "Okay. Umm, how are you feeling? Physically I mean?"

"Better. I'm taking a few steps on my own." He said it so casually, not even proud of his own accomplishment, as if he deserved to never walk again.

"That's good. Do you know when you get to leave?" I was very cautious not to use the word 'home' with him. I didn't want to initiate another outburst.

"Soon, I hope. Doctor said a few more weeks, maybe, if I can keep up my progress."

"Cool." I debated on what to say next, but Edward took the reins.

"I should come back to school next semester."

"Oh, Edward! That's fantastic!" I let my enthusiasm take over, the news overwhelming me with joy. "Wait until you have Mrs. Goff. We're going to do this project soon and you can be my partner! I mean, I'll do most of the work if you're not feeling up to it, but I figure if you draw up the diagram, I can create the United States sculpture and-"

When his expression held no interest whatsoever, I feared my delight had taken a sharp left turn to nowhere.

"That's not going to happen." His reply was blunt and he offered no explanations.

"Wh-why not?" I stuttered. Were they making him take different classes? Had I been wasting my time with his school work? Was he unable to use his hands? I didn't mind doing the project by myself. If it would help him, I would finish it in its entirety.

"I think it would be safer if you stayed away from me."

"Safer?" I choked on his choice of words. "Safer how? Safer that you don't murder me with that icy glare of yours? Safer so you can't shoot me with hurtful words filled with poison? Safer for you, that way you don't have to admit you need someone to help you with the fucked up person you've become?"

I stood up rapidly, my chair scraping the linoleum floor, as I clung on the side of his body. I could feel his breathe on top of my hair as I held him and refused to let go.

"I don't want to be safe," I sobbed. "I want to be with you. I don't care how many times you tell me to go away, I won't. That would be abandoning you. Remember that time when we were eleven and I fell into the river? You remember how I lied and told you I could swim when I really couldn't? I jumped first just to prove you wrong. I remember drowning, Edward. I remember not being able to breathe and the water filling up my lungs. And all I could think was '_that dork is gonna laugh at me_.' But you didn't. You dragged me out of the water and saved my life. I don't know how you knew, but you kept pounding on my chest until water came spewing out of my mouth.

"I'm alive because of you. Don't waste your bravery. Don't push me underwater, making me gasp for air, all for nothing. Because then, you _would _kill me. Are you going to drown me now, Edward? Are you going to take away the life you fought so hard to give? Are you going to let me sink until I'm no longer breathing?"

Edward whimpered and when I pulled back to look into his eyes, I finally saw a glimpse of the real him. But just as quickly as he had appeared, he was gone in an instant.

"Pwease stay away, Bewwa." His voice had transformed to that of a frightened child, the five year-old Edward who couldn't articulate his words.

He rocked himself back and forth, as if to comfort his own inner demons. It was then I knew my attempts were futile. It took everything within me approach the window, and lift one leg onto the sill.

When I turned back around, he was singing a haunting tune that chilled me to the core.

"_Hush little baby, don't say a word. Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird…"_

* * *

**Ultra creepy, huh? **

**Blueeyedcherry- I'd still love you if you were a blueeyedtomato. Just saying. Thanks for beta-ing my Ashward. :D**

**MariahajilE- We still ride or die chicks. *imagines muffins riding off into the sunset***

**READERS- I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Significant plot changes are a-coming. Today may be the last time you speak to me. Chapter 18 is a motha-clucker.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

**January**

"Oh my God, he's back!"

"Is that him?"

"Man, he's lost a lot of weight!"

"I heard he was paralyzed from the waist down, and then one day, he just woke up and could walk."

"No way! I heard his _entire _body was burned. Rumor is, he was burnt to a crisp. Doctors had to get skin from a dead person."

The minions of Forks High whispered amongst themselves as the infamous Edward Cullen walked down the hall. As I gathered my belongings at my locker before first period, I gazed at his ghostly figure strolling between the crowds.

He had a slight limp, but unless you looked really closely, you've couldn't even tell he had ever been the victim of a fire. He truly looked like a male supermodel. The Cullens had dressed him stylishly, with designer clothes and a Rolex to match. Even the backpack that hung loosely from his shoulder cost more than mine.

His football teammates corralled around him, giving him high fives and pats on the back. His grin was so huge that I barely recognized him.

"My man!" Emmett and Edward did some weird handshake, the kind that took a full minute to finish before slapping each other on the ass.

He enjoyed all the greetings before giving an excuse to go to his locker. Most of the people scattered as the bell rang. I lingered at my locker that had been next to his our entire high school career. When he approached, I smiled brightly.

"Welcome back, Cullen!"

He nodded and tried several times to put in the combination for his locker.

"13-26-7," I reminded him. He twisted the knob until his locker popped open. Several pictures of us remained taped to the inside metal door.

"Oh!" I pulled an oversized binder from my backpack. "I have all of your assignments finished. I was up until four in the morning last night trying to finish your literature paper, but it's finally done. They're divided by subject so just hand the teacher the correct stack, and you should be caught up. If I missed an assignment, let me know."

He gaped at me in shock before accepting the binder. "You did all of this?"

"Didn't want you to be behind. Gotta graduate with the rest of us." I beamed towards him as he stuffed his coat into the locker and slammed the door.

I started to walk beside him when I noticed he was going in the wrong direction. "Where are you headed? Class is this way."

"I have to go to the office." He stayed several inches in front of me, almost as if purposely trying to walk faster.

"Oh, to check in?" I asked.

He turned around with the glare I had become accustomed to.

"To change lockers."

* * *

I didn't even bat an eye when I saw our photos laying on my belongings inside my locker, as if he had slid them through the open slot.

I didn't question his sanity when in every class we shared together, he asked the teacher for a new seat.

But by lunchtime, I knew for certain Edward no longer wanted anything to do with me.

"Cullen, you missed the party of the year!" Mike the Scalper boasted. "There were hot bitches everywhere!"

"You see that one over there?" Emmett pointed to Rosalie across the cafeteria. "That's my girl."

"Who you stole!" Mike interrupted.

"Shut up, Scalper. Guess you weren't man enough for her."

Emmett and Mike pretended to pound each other as I explained the details of our homework assignment to Jessica. Even though we were walking to our group table, we could hear every word of the boys' conversation.

"I know you're glad to be back, Cullen. Now you and Bella can get back to dry humping in the janitor's closet."

"Fuck that!" Edward sneered. "She _wants_ to be on this cock."

I froze, dropping my tray in the middle of the cafeteria. The echo of it resonated across the room as students stopped to stare at me.

"Ain't that right, Swan?" Edward mocked me, standing up and yelling. "Tell everyone how you like slobbing on this knob. _Oh, please Edward, can I suck it again? It's so big!_"

He pushed down in front of his private area to simulate oral sex as my face turned a crimson red. The entire student body roared with laughter as I trembled, mortified by this stranger's words.

Jess and Alice stepped forward to defend me from his ruthless actions, but I held them back. Instead, I reached inside my backpack for my laminated sheet of paper.

While I barely held myself together enough to walk out, Edward continued laughing, refusing to even glance my way.

* * *

"…yes, and that is the incident retold from other students. I understand Mr. Swan, but someone needs to come pick her up immediately. Though I am the guidance counselor, I am not equipped to handle these types of physical and emotional breakdowns. The nurse and I are…yes sir…you found her in the rain? So this has happened before? I suggest you…uh huh…yes, we are professionally trained to restrain any student who is harming themselves…on the arms, we found significant claw marks…she is still singing the wheels on the bus song…no sir. Okay, thank you. Goodbye."

…_go wound and wound, wound and wound. _

_The wheels on the bus go wound and wound, all thwew the towwwwwn!_

"Hold her arms down! I've got to clean up this blood!"

_The hown on the bus goes beep, beep, beep._

_Beep, beep, beep._

_Beep, beep, beep._

_The hown on the bus goes beep, beep, beep, all thwew the towwwwwn!_

"Bella, honey, I'm taking you home. Up you go. Shhh, it's all right, I'm here. You're okay. Daddy's here."

_The dwivew on the bus says 'Move on back, move on back, move on back.'_

_The dwivew on the bus says 'Move on back, all thwew the towwwwwn!'_

"You're sorry? You're _sorry_? That's all you've got to say? You stay the fuck away from my daughter! I don't ever want to see you again, do you understand me? After all we've done for you, after all _she's_ done for you? You're lucky I don't pound your face in right this instant! Now move before I do something I'll regret!"

_The people on the bus go up and down, up and down, up and down._

_The people on the bus go up and down, all thwew the towwwwwn!_

"It's been three days, Charlie! I can't watch her like this! She's in a catatonic state. This isn't healthy. She won't talk or eat or even sleep. She will die if this continues!"

_The wheels on the bus go wound and wound, wound and wound, wound and wound._

"I don't even care anymore. He needs to fix it. He's the only one she'll listen to. Get over your pride, Charlie. Just let him try."

_The wheels on the bus go wound and wound, all thwew the towwwwwn!_

"Baby? Can you hear me? It's Edward."

_Shut up, Bewwa! You not even singing it wight…_

* * *

**OMG. I LOVED writing this chapter- I guess that makes me a psycho. I enjoy seeing Bella & Ashward have complete meltdowns and reverting to their safe places: childhood.**

**TY Blueeyedcherry for replacing my gibberish with actual words. You're a genius and I owe you my life! (or something less dramatic)**

**MariahajilE- Quit hiding in the moving van and get your ass back here. Cherry uses blue ink! Oh the nonsense, lol**

**READERS: Who else thinks Edward is a total jerk? You'll understand why...tomorrow. I like watching you suffer! :D**


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

I tried to grasp at the vision of him, but the more I reached, the more real he became. I didn't like this apparition. It was bound to hurt when he disappeared. I preferred the nightmare I lived in. It had been real and genuine. This felt artificial, guaranteed to vanish at a moment's notice.

The arms I once longed for held me, but I still felt empty. For the first time, I felt nothing. It was a dark perfection. No pain, no agony, just a hollowness that covered all of me.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." A voice whispered the words repeatedly, but they too were isolated from reality. Moist lips appeared from thin air, kissing parts of my hair, my forehead, my nose. They had no distinct pattern, just a hurried brush to touch every facet of me.

Instead of the comforting caress they meant to provide, they burned. The heat seared from each kiss, branding me with fiery scorches.

"Bella, please look at me. Please." I couldn't heed the directions of the voice, but for the first time in days, I noticed my surroundings. I was in my room sitting on the carpeted floor. The moonlight glowed through the French doors of my balcony. Everything remained untouched, even my bed. It was as if no one truly lived here.

Strong hands held my face in front of the vision of him. His face blurred with only hints of bronze and green coming through clearly. This must be death. Only in the world beyond would I be so tortured as to have this view taunting me with false affection.

"Bella."

The darkness I had so welcomingly embraced began to slip away. It faded, with colors replacing the obscurity I hid in for solace. In its place sat Edward, gazing at me with intense worry.

I didn't want him here. He was trying to fill a void I became dependent upon. I needed that space, the area between nothing and nothingness. Anything else became chaotic, too muddled for me to see clearly.

Words that had once been spoken to me, words that had once pained me to the point of grief, blew across my lips.

"Get out. Get out. Get out, get out, GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUTTTTTTTTT!"

"Bella, don't!" Edward begged. "I need to explain something…the fire…my mom…please listen…"

I screamed out loud, covering my ears and kicking, until a harsh voice reprieved me from my nightmare.

"Edward, I think it's time you go home." An arm stretched outward in a pointed motion and then wrapped tightly around me.

"Shhh, shhh, Daddy's here. Hush now, you're okay. He's leaving. He's gone. Shhh…"

* * *

I threw the laminated slip on the desk and curled up into the chair nearest the window. It was still snowing outside and gusts of wind seemed to slip through the cracks.

The chair was small, but I managed to curl myself into a ball, holding tightly onto my legs. The guidance counselor's office was safe compared to the hallways on the other side of the door.

"Welcome back, Bella." Ms. Clearwater remained at her desk, continuing to fill out paperwork. "It's been a week. How are you feeling?"

The minutes slipped by although I wasn't sure how long. Five, maybe ten? I finally answered, my voice barely rising above a whisper. "Better."

"Good."

We sat in silence for a longer period, her scribbling so loud I could actually hear each time the pen marked the page.

"I need to staple these papers. Do you think you could help me?"

I glanced her way as she held up a stack of forms. "All you have to do is staple them, then put them in the alphabetized folders. I could really use your assistance."

Only three minutes passed this time before I stood up, sitting in the seat across from her. A box containing folders was placed next to my feet. She passed me a heavy grade stapler, the one used by professionals. Labels were on the top of each set of forms, so I pushed the stapler shut and read the top letter.

H.

I placed it into the correlating folder.

We had worked for about an hour when she spoke again.

"I have the missed work from your classes. Your teachers are extending your due dates, so please take your time completing them."

I nodded as she placed them into my backpack for me. "Thanks."

Staple, read, put in folder. Staple, read, put in folder. The repetitive task put my mind at ease. It was nice to do something so simple.

We worked until the lunch bell rang.

"I think that's all for today. Thank you for your help." Ms. Clearwater beamed at me.

"No problem."

I grabbed my backpack and my slip, making my way out the door.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"A wise woman once told me something profound: '_Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day_.' I thought it would be very inspiring to you."

I sighed at the idiotic quote. "And who told you that crock of shit?"

Ms. Clearwater smiled and continued writing.

"Your mother."

* * *

"I can't believe you missed it. Her dad was carrying her through the halls and screaming."

"Edward got two days of suspension! It was just a joke. She cracked over nothing."

"Dude, I'm telling you. That was the weirdest, most fucked up shit I have ever seen. She's even worse than that goth girl now…"

I walked in a straight line, staring at the floor and counting my footsteps.

_47, 48, 49…_

"Bella, you can sit with us. We've switched tables." A cheery Alice touched my arm which I snatched away.

I grabbed a carton of milk and one apple from the array of food and walked away.

"That'll be $2.50." I handed the cashier my change and strolled in the opposite direction.

"Bella, wait!"

Now I had to start all over again.

_1, 2, 3…_

"Edward, don't! If she won't even talk to me, what makes you think she wants to talk to you?"

"I don't care, Alice! I have to do something!"

_24, 25, 26…_

I heard the footsteps following me, but I ignored them, walking into the women's bathroom. I opened the door to the last stall, and closed it behind me. I slid onto the floor, opening my carton of milk.

It would be my first source of nutrition in days.

"Bella!" A solid door shut behind the voice, startling me. "I know you're in here. Please listen. You don't have to speak, but please listen."

The cold milk felt good going down my throat and I savored the flavor. I read the side of the carton, enjoying the cartoon drawn there.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I can't say it enough. I was a complete and utter ass to you. I know that and yet it will never be enough…" Edward's voice was on the brink of wavering, I could hear the shakiness in his tone.

"I was so fucking lost…and I kept hiding. I kept thinking that if I pushed you away, if I made you hate me, you'd understand I was only trying to keep you safe."

A jarring pound hit the door and I could see Edward's body sitting on the other side.

"But you didn't understand! You accepted my words as literal, thinking that I could not love you. You actually believed that I, Edward Cullen, didn't love you from the depths of my very soul. As if you weren't the only person I could imagine myself being with the rest of my life! It killed me, Bella, to push you away, but you fought so damn hard baby…"

I swallowed the lump in my throat that followed with tears falling down my face. "But I can't do it anymore. I can't keep up this lie. I can't hurt the only person that means so much to me. I can't watch you fall apart, struggling to hold yourself together because of my actions."

Edward's voice lowered to a whisper, scared of something I had yet to discover.

"Bella, the night of the fire…that night when I lost Mom and Paul and Leah…the night I have nightmares about where I wake up in a cold sweat…that night…"

Three seconds.

Two deep breaths.

One damning confession.

"The fire was not an accident, Bella. I burned my family."

* * *

***ducks and hides***

**Did you really expect anything else from me? hehe.**

**Let's give a round of applause to Blueeyedcherry for filling in as Beta. Wonderful job my lovely. I shall miss your blue ink. MariahajilE is back and ready to impose her red marks upon me. Bring it woman!**

**READERS: I am super sick and I may need a day or two of rest. I know- the horror. Please forgive me. I won't leave you hanging for long, but I would also not like to die soooo...yeah. *caresses your hair New Moon style* **

**In the meantime, who saw this confession coming? No one? Good. My evil reign continues...**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

Something told me not to open the door to the bathroom stall. That voice deep inside said, '_Don't do it!_' but I couldn't help myself. I needed to look into his eyes. I needed to see whether the truth was reflected back at me or if he pulling some bullshit just to make me talk to him.

I slid back the lock, slowly revealing his face that was full of guilt and desperate hopelessness.

"Edward?"

He grabbed me so quickly, I couldn't even stop him. He just wrapped his arms around me, cowering over me with his new clothes. But I felt the old tears hit my shoulder before I even heard his cries.

"I couldn't- It wouldn't stop it in time. I didn't mean to- If I could have... The flames-They… they kept rising higher and higher and…" Edward tried to explain in broken breaths and through his tears.

"It's okay, Edward." I squeezed him tighter. I comforted him, my best friend, even though he didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve my consolation, or my warm embrace, or my kind words. A cold shoulder was more than justified, but in the moment, I couldn't leave him.

I stepped back, releasing him, as the bell rang for fifth period. I wiped his face with the pad of my thumb. "We have to go, Edward. We're going to be late."

Edward's eyes were blood red, evidence of his confession. "I can't. Not now. Can we go somewhere? Please?"

I nodded and peeked outside the door to make sure no students were walking down the hall. The last thing we needed were more rumors floating around. We'd both suffered enough. As soon as the last person turned the corner, I grasped his hand.

"C'mon. Let's blow this joint."

* * *

He threw several pebbles into the river as we sat on the bank, shivering in the cold. I wrapped my coat tighter around me, watching as the rocks fell further and further downstream.

"He came back," Edward said quietly.

I waited a few seconds, trying to wrap my head around who he was speaking of but fell short on my guesses. "Who?"

"My dad." Edward's voice somehow became lower, as if he were scared the trees would blow his secrets through the wind.

"You mean yesterday? He just showed up out of nowhere?"

Edward shook his head. "That night. He banged on the door as loud as he could. I could tell he was drunk from the way he sounded. I kept saying, '_Mom, don't open it. Don't open it_,' but she wouldn't listen. She said that she hadn't seen him in a while, that he's our father and deserved to visit us anytime he wanted. She opened that door, Bella."

Looking off into the distance, he continued his story. "He fell on top of her, and she nearly toppled to the floor. Paul, Leah, and I kept trying to pull him off, but he was too big. '_Get off of me!_' he kept yelling. So we backed up. And then he hit Mom. I lost it, Bella! I started swinging at him, but he grabbed me by the arm. He kept telling me I was a no good piece of shit. He punched me right in the gut. I was too busy trying to hold back my siblings that I didn't notice the knife.

"What the fuck was he doing with a knife, Bella?" Edward's voice hitched, with tears streaming down his face. "He held Mom, kept threatening to kill her. Leah was wailing, and I was telling her to stop, that she needed to quit being a baby and stop crying. I told Paul to take Leah to his room and to stay there. Then dad yelled, '_No_!' and he was holding that knife to Mom's throat. He was holding her so tight. She was crying and trying to stay strong. He led us to Mom's room, and I was thinking he was gonna leave us all in there, but he pulled me back out. Told them if they came out, he was gonna shoot them. I didn't see a gun, but I wasn't taking any chances."

"He started waving the knife back and forth in front of my face, asking me if I wanted to be the hero? Could I save them if he cut me up into small little pieces? He said I wasn't really his son and how Mom was a cunt who couldn't keep her legs closed. I shouted at him to shut the fuck up, that he needed to leave, but he kept laughing. I didn't know what to do, I was so scared…"

Edward's breathing hitched as he refused to look at me. "I was too far away from the kitchen. I kept thinking that if I could get a butcher knife, I'd attack him. I'd stab him and get my family out of there, and I'd call the police. But he kept cornering me. He was in my face, yelling, waving that knife back and forth, back and forth… So I lunged at him. It was a stupid move. He was on top of me so quickly, spitting in my face. He dragged me by my collar and walked me toward Mom's door, and he pulled out a lighter, Bella."

"Bella, he… He…" Edward could barely get out his words. "He held it under the door, and it lit on fire. That house was so fucking old, it didn't even resist. I heard them screaming and crying and banging on the other side, and I couldn't even do anything. He was choking me, choking me so hard. He dragged me around the living room, lighting the curtains, the sofa, everything. He laughed the entire time. When the flames got to be too much, he darted out the front door. I wanted to chase after him, but I couldn't. I had to get my family. I tried to turn the doorknob on Mom's door, but the fire was everywhere, and it was too hot. The smoke was so dark, I couldn't see, Bella. I tried putting it out with water, with a wet rag, everything. And then… the screaming stopped."

"I couldn't hear them anymore. The fire was spreading, but it was lowest around my bedroom. So I walked through the flames. I knew it was burning me, but I couldn't stop. I tried to pry open my window, but the damn thing was rusted shut. I had to use our trophy, Bella. You know the one we won second place for at the Field Day race? I had to break open the window. At first it barely cracked. So I kept hitting and hitting it. It took forever. Finally, the lower half broke open. I tried to squeeze through it. But I was too big. So I had to try again. The window finally broke most of the way. My legs were burning so bad and I could barely breathe, but then I forgot something. So I climbed back inside and got it, and then I crawled out."

"I lay there on the ground, Bella, burning and screaming, and I looked up and saw a face. It was my dad. He leaned over and kicked me. He said, '_Look at you, fucking hero. You a hero now? You a hero now, fucking pussy?_' I was ready to die, Bella. I just lay there, letting the flames burn me alive, and then he whispered, _'I ought to slice you, here and now. But you're a cocky little shit, aren't you? Won't fucking die. I'm gonna let you live, hero, if the flames don't eat you first. Best let you suffer, like that cunt momma of yours made me suffer. You say one fucking word, I'll come back for you_.' I didn't care, Bella. I didn't want to live. I wanted to die. I was ready to give up. Then he said, '_You say one word, hero, and you're mine. And that little cunt of yours_.'

I wasn't sure who was crying louder, Edward or myself. I just held him, rocking him like Mom had always comforted me.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he whimpered. "I was trying to protect you. I didn't want Dad to come after you. I know he's still in Forks. I can feel him watching me. I saw him at the hospital once, late at night. He just walked by my room like it was nothing. I didn't want him to see you with me, for him to assume I'd told you what happened. I tried to push you away, doing anything to make you hate me, but I'm too selfish. I couldn't do it anymore. I missed you. Every fucking day. Then when you started bringing by those photos… I saw them all, Bella. But I had to leave the book there. I didn't want Dad to think I cared. I don't know if he ever saw the book, but I couldn't take that chance."

Edward dug into his pocket, fumbling around. "You have that picture from kindergarten, right?"

I nodded. "Yeah, Nurse Emily gave me my picture back."

Edward half-smiled through his tears. "Not _your _picture. That was _my_ picture. I kept them both at my house, 'cause you were always losing shit."

Edward pulled out a piece of construction paper and unfolded it. It was very similar, except with a few minor differences. "You used pink paint before I could stop you, remember? I gave you mine to silently tell you I still loved you, that I didn't forget us, that I didn't forget you."

I tenderly touched the burnt sheet of paper as both of our tears tainted the butterfly.

"You nearly killed yourself for this?" I asked, wiping my face. "Edward, the fire wasn't your fault. It wasn't an accident, but it certainly wasn't your fault. You can't blame yourself for your father's actions."

Edward's eyes darkened. "Can't I? I let them burn, Bella. I couldn't save them! I just let them suffer. I should have been braver. I should have been stronger!"

"You lived, Edward. That's all that matters."

He shook his head and pounded the wet, cold ground.

"I'll have to live every day with the fact that I saved myself and not them. They didn't deserve to die like that, Bella. I never even got to tell Leah I'm sorry for yelling at her. I hear their screams in my nightmares. It gets louder and louder…"

Edward stood up, an angry expression upon his face. He glared at the water and threw one last pebble into the river.

"I didn't survive, Bella. Hell just didn't have enough room for my bullshit."

* * *

**Annnd there's the banner tagline, if anyone was waiting for it.**

**MariahajilE- You're BACK! I ate a blueberry in your absence. Please forgive me. Your blueberries always taste better. Always.**

**Blueeyedcherry- I love your notes. You're all "wow" and I'm like "fluck yeah!" It makes me smile all goofy like.**

**READERS- So...who guessed the fire was Billy Cullen's fault? I swear, if one of you even tries to raise your hand, I quit. :D**


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty-One**

"Bella, for the last time, my answer is no!" Dad threw his newspaper onto the coffee table, glaring at me from his chair. "Edward has treated you with zero respect, and now you expect us to forgive him? That boy is not allowed back in this house. Do you understand me?"

I glanced at Mom who sat on the sofa, expecting a little moral support, but she shook her head. "Your father's right, Bella. I can't watch you close yourself off again. You were nothing but an empty shell. You wouldn't say anything, you wouldn't eat… We were close to sending you away for professional help. Edward's apology may have changed your mind, but it hasn't changed ours. He can't say sorry and think everything can change because of a few words. Trust me. It'll be healthy for you. You both need a little distance."

"You don't get it!" I fumed at my parents who couldn't even begin to imagine the circumstances Edward had suffered. "He needs me! I can't just abandon him."

"He abandoned _you_, remember?" Dad replied bitterly. "You showed up every single day, just to support him, and he wouldn't even allow you visitation. Are you forgetting Christmas? You stood outside on his porch for hours, and the Cullens wouldn't even let you in! I want nothing to do with Edward or his family. Now I understand Edward has gone through a lot, but it's no excuse for his behavior. Frankly, I don't want you speaking to him at all. However, I can't stop you two from seeing each other at school, so it is what it is. But outside of that, I forbid you from seeing him."

"You can't-"

"I can, I will, and I just did, young lady!" Dad roared. "You speak back to me again and there will be dire consequences. Now go to your room, do your homework, and go to bed. It's late, and I don't want to talk about this anymore."

I kicked the coffee table in retaliation and screamed. "I hate you!"

"Bella!" Mom tried to reach for me, but I moved out of the way and stormed out of the living room.

They were so fucking selfish. If they only knew, if they had even an inkling of what had truly happened, they would be _begging_ Edward to come over. Instead, they viewed him as a selfish, vile creature who had turned his back on me. Truthfully, he had, but it was for my own good. He was only trying to protect me from his father. But I could explain none of that to them. It wasn't my secret to tell.

I rushed up the stairs and slammed my bedroom door, locking it behind me. Edward sat waiting on my bed.

"I heard everything," he admitted quietly. "Maybe they're right, Bella. I'm no good for you. I treated you horribly. The whole cafeteria thing was uncalled for. I was just trying to make you hate me, and I succeeded beyond my expectations."

"No, no, no!" I chanted, falling to the floor between his legs and staring into his beautiful, pitiful eyes. "Don't say that, Edward. They don't get it. They just don't understand. _I_ want you here. That's all that matters. I've already forgotten about that whole situation. I don't give a shit. It's small and insignificant. Just don't leave, please?"

I begged with zero shame, grasping onto him like a lifeline. I couldn't bear to be without him, not ever again. I didn't care what my parents thought. I wasn't giving up on him.

"Maybe if we told someone the truth," I continued. "Maybe we should go to the police station-"

Edward interrupted me with a panicked expression on his face. "No, Bella, don't! We can't do that! The police will never find him, and in the meantime, he'll kill us both. I can't put you in danger like that. If he discovers I'm even here…"

He looked so scared, grabbing onto my arms so tightly they began to hurt. I stood up, wrapping myself around him. "Okay, I won't say anything. I promise. I promise I won't say a word."

I kissed his forehead, running my fingers through his hair. He was still shaking, as if my hold around him wasn't enough.

"Can I stay here tonight?" he whispered. "I don't want to go back, not yet."

I didn't reply. The fact that he even had to ask showed me he felt like he had to walk on eggshells, like he had to earn my trust again. There was nothing to earn, nothing to forgive. I had always been his, and that would never change.

I reached under the lampshade to turn off the light. Shadows twisted in my room from the moon's glow, making everything appear scarier in the night. I reached down to remove Edward's shoes and held his hand to stand up as he took off his clothing. Pulling back the comforter, I nudged him to climb in and then crawled beside him.

I scooted closer until there was not even a single inch of space between us. I caressed his face, outlining the stubble of his jaw as Edward relaxed into a steady breathing rhythm. He looked so young, with his eyes closed shut, peacefully attempting to shut out the world. I kissed his forehead again, then his cheek to wish him a good night, but he grabbed my hand.

Without warning, he pulled me even closer, melting our bodies into one. His lips met mine, the first contact sending a tingle through my body. It was the slightest graze, a testing of the waters to see if I would respond.

As if that were ever an option.

I parted my lips, welcoming him to taste whatever he wanted. I tangled my hands into his hair, sucking his bottom lip. The kiss turned more feverish, an urgent hunger to devour any pain that lingered between us. It was as though we had never kissed before, or perhaps, that this was our last chance. His fingers glided around my hips, toward my back, caressing the bare skin under my camisole. When he moaned, the vibrations themselves almost made me dizzy.

I was on the verge of hyperventilating, intent on trying to consume every part of him. The mad rush of entangled limbs and heated skin was both loving and intense.

"Bella," he groaned, breaking our contact. I froze, scared of his reaction. Did he not want me? Was this too much, too soon? Though we had never given ourselves fully to each other, the past months had taught me time was fleeting. In a single moment, the person you love could so easily vanish.

Using his strength, Edward pulled me on top of him. "I need to say something."

The moonlight lit up slight features of his face, and I tried to concentrate on the twinkle of his eyes in the darkness.

One hand lingered upon my cheek, rubbing in slight circles. "Sweet Bella… I don't even know how to say this… I'm… I'm broken, Bella. I wake up every single day with such hatred for everything and everyone around me. I'm bitter. I'm fucking pissed about life, about my dad. I'm even pissed at Carlisle and Esme, who try their best to appease me. I hate them, not because of who they are but because I have to live there in the first place. I even hate you."

I froze, startled by his blatant admission.

"I hate you, because you are the complete reminder of how my life should be. I hate your kindness, your good heart, your sweet smile. I hate that you keep loving me when I don't even deserve to be in your presence. I hate that you're so damn beautiful, on both the inside and out. I hate that I love you, because no matter how hard I try, it will never be enough. And for that, I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you anymore."

Traitorous tears welled up in my eyes.

"You aren't hurting me," I whispered. "You're coping. So if hating me is what you have to do, then by all means, keep doing it. Because the more you hate, the more I'll love. I'll love you until your heart stops beating, Edward. Nothing you say or do will change that."

"You don't want these shattered pieces of me, Bella," he answered, defensively.

"Please don't tell me what I don't want," I replied. "I'm tired of everyone telling me how I should feel, what I should be doing. I'm sick of it. I want you, all of you. You, the broken, shattered Edward who hates me. Let it be my choice to pick up the pieces.

"And if you cut yourself?" he asked softly.

"Then I'll have bled for you."

I leaned over and kissed him, tracing his lips with my tongue. I grinded on his lower half, feeling only the soft cotton barricading me from him. He groaned, signaling his pleasure. His hands slipped into my silk pajamas, grabbing my flesh and coaxing me to rub harder.

I followed his guide, moving at a pace demanded by him.

This would always be us, right on the brink; too innocent to move forward, too tainted to ever go back.

It was a maddening feeling.

We both reached and grabbed, with breathless thrusts against one another without ever making full contact. It didn't matter. It was an overload of senses, of heartbeats and sweaty heat, and moans neither of us would take credit for.

He grasped my hips tighter, his fingernails digging into my flesh. I increased my rhythm, rocking against him as he demanded. There was no slowing down, as my sounds grew ragged in his mouth. I shut my eyes, trying to remember something, _anything_, but absolute concentration failed me. Edward crushed my body, holding me still as he shuddered his release.

Edward lay there, panting, as I rolled over to his side, snuggling closer.

I dreamt that night.

I dreamt of Edward, his emerald eyes looking over me with love. But in an instant, it was gone.

Instead, darkened pupils replaced them. The source of the eyes, I do not know, for when I awoke in the middle of the night, they had disappeared.

But they haunted me. And if I were to be honest with myself, I would declare that they gazed at me, alongside a menacing breath I could not place.

The breathing was ruggedly evil, the face unrecognizable.

But it almost, not quite, appeared to look like Edward.

An older version.

* * *

**Billy Cullen in a dream? Reality? I'll never tell...**

**TY MariahajilE and Blueeyedcherry for doing what you do. I'd thank you both with humps, but that would be inappropriate. Kinda.**

**READERS- Sorry about the evening posting. I'm a slacker. I'll update first thing tomorrow morning. I've been asked in several PM's about the length of AitA. I've got much more DatBetchward (haha fireandice) doucheyness to come. This week is a beast and it ain't getting any easier. I plan on breaking you all, one by one.**


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

"I'm not buying a ticket for a public beach."

Mike the Scalper was waving cheap homemade tickets in front of my face, advertising for his weekend party at La Push Beach.

"And it's freezing outside. Who the fuck has a party in January?" I tried to bypass him in the cafeteria, but Alice stopped me.

"C'mon, Bella," Alice pleaded, pulling on my black sweater. "It'll be fun. Please go. If I'm stuck with Rosalie the whole time, she'll just complain about her hair getting ruined."

"Oh, the horror!" Jess added.

"Hey!" Rosalie swished her long blonde hair with a dramatic with a flip of her hand. "Forks hairstylists suck. I miss Texas. The beach and all of that sand… It's a disaster waiting to happen."

I sighed as Mike awaited my decision. "Fine. How much?"

"15 bucks," he answered with a sly grin.

"What? Why?" I asked, astonished. It's not as if I didn't have it; it's just that the beach was _free_. What a fucking rip-off.

"Parties aren't cheap. Who do you think has to buy hot dogs and booze?" Mike shrugged. "Trust me. It's going to be the party of the year."

"You always say that," I deadpanned.

"No really," he replied. "I've got a DJ and bodyguard and everything."

"So you mean Jasper and Emmett?" Jessica snickered, jabbing me on the side.

Mike the Scalper growled at Jess and turned to me. "Do you want the damn ticket or not?"

The girls gave the saddest puppy eyes I'd ever seen, and despite my reservations, I reached into my backpack for my wallet.

I handed him the money as he smiled victoriously and traded me a slip of blue paper. "Make sure you keep the ticket. No one is coming in without it. My bodyguard will make sure of it."

"Um, Mike, this is at the beach, right?" I asked slowly.

"Duh, that's what I just said."

"But you said we needed a ticket to get _in_. What about all of the open space? Can't people just walk around? How is Emmett‒ I mean, your 'professional bodyguard' supposed to keep people out?"

Mike's face turned red as common sense sunk in. "We'll work out the details later. Just hold on to your fucking paper, smartass."

We laughed and made our way to the lunch table closest to the wall. Mike was still yelling by the lunch line, trying to swindle the rest of the student body.

The girls took their respective seats, and Edward smiled, patting the empty spot beside him. I placed my tray on the rickety table, careful not to spill anything

"Awww, you two have made up!" Emmett said loudly, dimples forming in his cheeks. "Isn't teenage love grand?"

"Shut up!" Edward and I yelled simultaneously, tossing macaroni in his direction.

Edward leaned over, opening my bottled lemonade for me.

"Is this okay?" I whispered in his ear. "I thought we were going to stay in hiding."

"Fuck it," he replied back in a hushed voice, his cheek pressed against mine. "We can't hide forever. I'm not putting my life on hold, Bella. He isn't worth it. You are. Now hurry up before lunch is over. We need to visit the janitor's closet."

I giggled at Edward's wink, and if I didn't know any better, I'd say he was back to his old self. He wasn't letting his dad determine his life for him; he was taking it into his own hands. I was immensely proud of his strength and courage. Wherever it had come from, however long it would stay, I would take it.

* * *

"Damn it, Al!" I jumped in my seat as the curling iron burned my scalp. A can of hairspray fell over on the vanity, knocking over other various makeup bottles.

Alice whacked me on the shoulder and told me to sit still. It was Saturday afternoon, and the girls were crowded in my room, getting ready for Mike's beach party.

Rosalie and Jessica raided my closet, making a complete mess_. Those bitches are gonna clean up that shit before we left._

"Wow! I can't believe you own all of these clothes!" Rose held up a white summary dress with a Gucci tag. Jess nodded in agreement.

"You haven't seen anything yet. Open the door on the side," Jess prompted her.

Rosalie twisted the door knob to reveal my shoe closet. "Damn, woman!"

"She doesn't even wear half of it," Alice complained, being more careful as she curled another section of my hair.

"I do too!" I retorted. Well, not really, but I couldn't help it if my mother tried to make me into her own personal Barbie doll.

There was a light knock on the door before it crept open. _Speaking of the devil. _

"Hey, girls," Mom greeted us, holding out an adorned platter. "Thought you might like some hors d'oeuvres."

"We're fine, Mom," I answered sarcastically. I tried to dismiss her with my hand, but it was to no avail.

"No, we're not!" Alice practically dropped the steaming curling iron in my lap to run towards the food.

"Mmmm, these are great, Mrs. Swan," Rosalie complimented her. "What are they?"

"Scallops on an Asiago crisp and topped with a cilantro pesto garnish," Mom answered proudly.

"I don't even know what you just said, but I want another one!" Jess grabbed the entire dish as Mom laughed.

She walked over to me, patting me on the shoulder. "You look beautiful, dear."

When I didn't reply, she leaned forward, whispering. "I'm very proud of you for spending quality time with your friends again."

I nodded as she kissed the tender spot on my head. I'd lied and told her we were going to the movies. I didn't mention anything about a beach party or Edward. She would have never allowed me to leave the house.

Mom made her way to leave as the girls shoveled more bites into their mouths.

"You guys are complete sell-outs," I remarked, waiting for Alice to finish my hair.

"She had food, Bella," Al said, chewing loudly. "I'll always choose food over you."

"Me, too!" Rose piped in.

"Me three!" Jess added.

We giggled, and somehow, a pillow hit me in the head.

Feathers flew everywhere, and for once, it was a good day.

* * *

I had to give it to Mike. The money was worth it. La Push Beach had been transformed into the ultimate party area.

The night sky, a cocktail of violet and indigo, created the perfect atmosphere, as waves crashed in the distance. The aroma of the salted water intermixed with meat that sizzled on an open grill. Someone had set up old logs that led a path to the main area, with twinkling lights strung between patterned tiki torches. Several partygoers danced to the music that blasted from the DJ station set up by wooden creates.

The only thing missing was my best friend.

I spotted him near a group of people beside the unlit fire pit, standing with a red cup in his hand. He shifted to one side, trying to placate the weakness in his leg. Wearing a pair of dark denim jeans and a heavy ivory-colored sweater, he was nothing less than perfection.

After we had given our ticket to Emmett, I paced ahead of the girls, trying to navigate through the sand. When I finally reached him, he stopped mid-conversation and turned to me with that dazzling smile of his.

"You look beautiful." I looked away shyly as he glanced at my attire. The girls had dressed me in a pink cashmere sweater and white jeans that suffocated my mid-section. My curls flowed down my back, with a few strands blowing softly in the breeze.

"What are you drinking?"

Edward holds the cup out to me. "Cheap beer. You want some?"

"I don't know," I said slyly. "Father warned me about peer pressure from teenage boys."

Edward laughed, passing me the cup. "We'll go to AA together. Deal?"

I giggled, taking a sip of the warm alcohol. Edward wraps his arm around me, away from the crowd. Emmett stumbled towards us, apparently already drunk, because poor Rosalie was trying to hold him up.

"Really, Em? The party's barely started," Edward chastised him.

"I'm turning this bitch up!" He yelled too loudly and knocked over the kerosene tank behind him.

"The roof, the roof, the roof is on fiiiire!" Mike the Scalper sang rowdily and lit a match, tossing it into the pit.

It was one of those moments where I wish I could have frozen time.

I wished upon every star in the universe we had never come to this stupid party.

But wishing was useless.

My reaction was too slow to move Edward to a safer location.

The drenched firewood exploded with flames, making a loud crackling noise as the fire shot high into the air. The crowd cheered, but there was one person who had the opposite response.

Edward completely lost it, knocking me out of the way and lunging to the cold, sandy ground. His shrieks pierced through the air, causing complete silence amongst our friends. Covering his ears, he curled into the fetal position, screaming to everyone and no one at all.

"Edward!" I scattered through the sand, my feet fumbling to take hold. I attempted to say his name, but a heavy arm struck my face.

"_You are hero now, boy? You a hero now, fucking pussy?"_ He was yelling in a dark voice I didn't recognize, still cowered over.

"Bella!" Rosalie tried to help me up, but I wrangled myself out of her grasp. I crawled back toward a shouting Edward, pinning his wailing arms down.

"Edward! It's me, Bella! You're okay! You're fine!" A stinging sensation caused my cheek to throb, but I ignored it, trying to protect Edward from himself.

"Yo, is he alright?" Mike walked over, but I shouted at him.

"Back the fuck up, Scalper! You've done enough!"

"Everyone move back. Nothing to see here!" Alice swept through the students, waving everyone away.

"Alice, help me," I begged. "We have to get him out of here."

I lifted up his right side as she elevated his left. Edward's eyes were closed, completely shut off from the world around him. We struggled to pick him up.

"_Cocky little shit, aren't you?"_ he continued to scream. We stumbled through the mass, and I nodded toward the edge of the beach.

"Over there, Alice! Take him to the bench!"

Edward was too heavy, and it took us forever to drag him to a safer area. An abandoned bench sat in front of wilted trees, and we heaved him onto it.

"It's okay, Edward. You're safe," I said, attempting to soothe him. My words went unnoticed.

"_Little cunt momma_…"

"Alice, I've got him. Can you go smack Mike for me?"

She seemed unsure, unwilling to leave us alone. I nodded, reassuring her.

"Edward! Snap out of it!" I shook his body, straining to bring his mind back to the present. He slowly opened his eyes, blinking in confusion.

"Bel-la?" Edward's face and hair are streaked with sand. His eyes flickered, finally detecting my appearance.

With no warning, Edward burst into a fit of tears. It was the kind of sob usually reserved for little girls. His chest heaved as he fell over onto my shoulder, weeping and moaning.

I held him tightly, musing over the events that had occurred. The night had been a complete disaster. What the hell had we been thinking?

I kissed his mass of hair and softly sang our favorite childhood song.

"_The wheels on the bus go round and round_…"

I don't know who was fucked up more ‒ me for singing it or Edward for finally calming down.

* * *

**Anyone else want to burn the next person who sings that damn song? Geez.**

**MariahajilE wants to have sex with snow. Blueeyedcherry thinks I torture her. That's my dream team, folks.**

**READERS- Poor Edward. He needs help, doesn't he? *****laughs 'cause he's not getting any from me* **


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

I wasn't even through singing the song when Edward jumped up, startling me. He turned his head so fast, it was making me dizzy; from me to the party, from the party to me.

"Are you all right?" I asked quietly. I wanted to make sure he was stable, and from his sudden movements, I could tell he wasn't.

"I'm fine. Let's go."

Edward didn't say anything else. He just straightened his sweater and began walking toward our group of friends, who was already back to dancing.

"Baby, maybe you need to sit back down."

"And maybe you need to start walking," he replied bitterly. "I'm fine. I. Said. Let's. Go."

It took me a second to move. I was so shocked by his bluntness, his change of attitude, my feet seemed frozen.

"Bella!"

I clench my fists, following in step beside him.

"Hold my hand," he ordered. I entangled my fingers with his.

They felt wet. Cold.

Like popsicles.

The side of my cheek still hurt, but he didn't mention it, so neither did I. We arrived back at the group, surrounded by our friends.

"Man, you flipped out there for a second," Emmett began. "We-"

I shut him up by silently shaking my head. _Just be quiet, Emmett. For once in your fucking life, shut the hell up._

Alice looked at me in concern, but all I could do was stare pitifully at the ground. If I glanced into her eyes, I would come undone.

She would know the truth.

How I'm a pushover.

How Edward was being an asshole, and I was letting him.

How I couldn't stop it, 'cause I didn't want to lose him. Again.

"Where can I get a fucking drink around here?" Edward roared.

Mike, being ever so helpful, held out a red cup. Edward glared at him and snatched the tequila bottle out of his hand. He took a long swig as I stood there.

Then he drank more.

And more.

And more.

Finally, the bottle was empty.

The Scalper was a dead man. When I finally get my hands on him, I would choke the bastard.

"Fuck, yeah!" Edward held up the bottle in triumph. "Jasper, turn that shit up!"

Jasper gave a thumbs up from behind the music station and blared the song louder. It didn't help the ringing in my ears or the headache I felt.

I wanted to go home.

"Baby, dance with me." Edward twirled me around, his eyes red and glassy. He held me closely, dancing with no rhythm to the fast beat.

He was being greedy.

Taking me when I don't want to be taken.

Touching me when I don't want to be touched.

He reeked of alcohol, too drunk to notice my pain.

Edward reached around my body, squeezing my ass. "Fuck, Bella. You're making me hard."

His words were slurred, only halfway making sense. He pressed his hips against mine, proving to me how much he wanted me. He nuzzled against my ear, his hot breath breathing down my neck.

"Make me feel, Bella."

I knew the music was loud. I was aware that the fire was crackling in the night. I heard every crash of the wave hitting the beach. But somehow, I must have misunderstood him.

He didn't say to make him feel _better_; he said to make him _feel_.

Every ounce of self-worth I'd ever had, every sense of dignity I'd ever possessed, disappeared. I was suddenly blinded by a love one else understood.

I got it. How he could hate me.

'Cause now, I hated him, too.

And when I ran, when I followed him into the bushes, I knew hate wasn't even close to what I was actually feeling.

* * *

He mumbled how he was sorry. Sorry for screaming. Sorry for my hitting my face. Sorry he yelled.

It meant nothing. It never did. This was Edward, his vicious cycle. He'd yell, apologize, and I'd cry. I'd apologize, too, just to not make him feel so bad.

I unzipped his pants, and there he was. "I'm sorry, Bella."

I pulled down his boxers. "I'm sorry, Bella."

I didn't give a fuck anymore. I closed my eyes and wrapped my mouth around his cock. He moaned through his apologies. He shook, trembling as my warm tongue licked his skin.

I allowed him to take from me by giving. He held his cock out, his head pressed against the bark of a tree. I hummed around him, 'cause I knew that's how he liked it. My lips slid upward to the tip, kissing and licking, before swallowing him whole.

He knew I was adoring him. And hating him. Everything at once.

And nothing at all.

I sucked, pulling him forward, slow at first and then faster. His hands wrapped into my hair, guiding me. Holding me. Keeping me to him, never letting me go.

I continued, stroking with one hand, sucking with another when he trembled.

His hand loosened its grip, hitting against the tree.

"Fuck!" He emptied into my mouth, and I swallowed.

He fumbled with his pants as I wiped my mouth.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he repeated.

_Yeah, I know._

* * *

"What did you tell your parents?"

I fumbled with my radio, switching endlessly from each station.

"Damn it, Bella! Turn that shit off. I have a headache." Edward fumed, leaning his head back against the seat of my car. We sat in silence, staring at random children play in the park.

"So, what did you tell them?" he repeated.

I tenderly touched the welt on my face. "That the girls and I were playing around, and I accidently hit a pole."

He nodded. "You're not mad at me, are you?"

"I'm here, aren't I?"

"Don't get an attitude, Bella. It was just a question."

"And I just gave you an answer."

His mood was giving _me _a headache. I didn't even know why I decided to hang out with him today. I had better things to do with my Sunday than get yelled at.

"You want me to leave, Bella?" Edward taunted. "I'll go. Just say the word, and I'm out of here."

I rolled my eyes at his dramatic behavior. "Why? So you can have a breakdown walking home?"

Edward remained still at my ruthless jab. "You are such a bitch."

"And you're an asshole. I don't even know who you are, Edward. You yell all the fucking time, then you apologize, then you're nice again. I can't take it anymore."

"Then don't fucking be with me!" Edward's voice rose, and he was so, so close to my face. "You think I want to be like this? You're supposed to be my girl. You gonna leave me, too?"

"I didn't say-"

"That's what you're doing," Edward's hand caressed my face, a contradiction to his words. "You're not even really here. Just going through the motions. I'll fucking lose it, Bella. If you're gone, if you leave me by myself…"

He was all words and tears, soft touches and begging.

I was forgiveness and hatred, kisses and love.

Edward reached for me, our mouths crashing.

When his hand finally slipped into my pants, I knew I was in too deep.

* * *

**Remember the beginning of this story? How it was all cuteness and sweet talk?**

**Yeah. Those were the days...**

**MariahajilE stays up late Betaing. I'd pay her overtime, but apparently when you pay people in fruit, all hell breaks loose.**

**Blueeyedcherry has sunburn. This has nothing to do w/her pre-reading skills, I just like blurting out her bizzness.**

**READERS- If you are still here, TY. There's a fine line between doucheyness and Edward. I may or may not have crossed it.**


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty-Four **

"_Abawa-cadabawa!"_

"_Bewwa, no! I'm the magician. Just stand thewe and wait fow me."_

_We'd stolen Mr. Fred's bunny from next door, the fluffy brown one with the long ears. Well, Edward said we'd borrowed him and we'd give him back. _

_For some reason, I didn't believe him._

"_But I wanna do it," I argued defensively. "You didn't even make him go away!"_

_Edward huffed and draped his Superman blanket on top of the cardboard box. "That's 'cause you not pullin' the blankie away on time. Wait 'til I say abawa-cadabwa and then you pull."_

"_And now, fow the gweatest magwic twick in all of the land, I pwesent to you… Bunzilla, the disappeawing wabbit!" Edward waved a wilted stick overtop of the box. "On the count of thwee, I will make the bunny go away. One… two… thwee… ABAWA-CADABAWA!"_

_I pulled away the blanket really fast, but when we both looked, Bunzilla was still there, wiggling his little nose._

"_You suck!" I said angrily. I stomped my feet and threw his stupid blankie on top of his head. _

"_Take it back!" he yelled, tossing his blanket on the ground. _

"_No!"_

"_Yes!" _

_Edward pushed me down on the muddy ground, getting my pretty dress all dirty. Mommy was gonna be so mad. He pulled my ear, so I pinched his nose, both of us rolling around. We kept wrestling until he pinned me down and the Band-Aid on my elbow fell off._

"_Let me up," I begged. His chubby fat was getting heavier by the second. _

"_Say I'm the best magician evew!" he taunted. _

_Smirking, I repeated his words. "I'm the best magician evew!"_

"_Stupid Bewwa!" Edward fumbled trying to stand up. "You not my fwiend anymowe!"_

"_Aww, c'mon!" I pouted and crossed my arms. "Don't say that! Mommy said we had to get awong."_

"_I don't cawe! You'we being a meany!"_

_His big green eyes watered, and I felt bad. I didn't like making my friend sad. Even if he was fat._

"_I'm sowwy," I said. "How do I make it bettew? You want my Band-Aid? Daddy said they make the boo-boos go away!"_

"_Nuh uh. I want you to get in the box. I wanna see if I can make you disappeaw, too."_

_I was worried. Even though Bunzilla was still there, what if Edward's trick really worked? What if I disappeared in the box forever and ever?_

"_Don't be afwaid, Bewwa. I pwomise to bwing you back."_

"_You won't weave me?"_

"_Nope." Edward grinned and picked up my grimy Band-Aid and tried to stick it onto my elbow. It hung halfway off._

"_You awe my bestest fwiend," he said, taking the bunny out of the box and helping me inside. The cardboard closed over me. "I'll be caweful."_

"_It's dawk in here," I complained._

"_Twust me, Bewwa. When I say the magwic word, you'll see the wight."_

* * *

He enjoyed seeing me in pain. Somehow, I think he thrived from it. It was as if my anguish kept him going, kept him moving.

Everything else, like happiness, was irrelevant. But for me, the pain tore at my insides, ravishing it all from the inside out.

"Fucking hell, Bella. I can't do it!" Edward sat on the swing, complaining and grumbling as his legs struggled to stretch forward and back.

"You asked me to help you so-"

"I know what I asked," he spat. "So help already. Don't just stand there, telling me what to do."

I sighed and grabbed him by the feet, slowly pulling them outward before giving him a slight push. I tried to ease his legs back, bending them at the knee when he howled.

"Stop!" Edward winced and grabbed the pole connected to the swing to halt his rocking. "That hurts! Just stop. You're making it worse."

_No, you're making this impossible._

"Fine." I sat on the empty seat beside him, pushing my legs outward. He glared at me.

"Are you showing off now? Is that it? _Oh, look at me. I'm Bella, and I can swing up to the damn trees!_" His voice mocked that of a female. "Fucking show off!"

"I'm sorry, I just-"

"That's right. You _are_ sorry."

I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to push him off the swing, leave him lying on the ground, and drive off. He thought his childish behavior had no consequences, that I would just sit here and take this.

When I stood up, his glare softened. It was like Jekyll and Hyde; some bipolar bullshit that scared the living crap out of me. He couldn't be the same person, the very one that could push me away while embracing me all at once.

"Do you love me, Bella?"

The question was simply complicated, asked in an eerie but calm voice. Edward gazed at me from the corner of his eye, waiting patiently, as if he didn't already know the answer. Love was what made me stay. It's what made me endure, kept me going when I wanted to give up. Love and all of the ugliness it entailed was supposed to be beautiful. It was never meant to scar.

But scar it did, leaving nasty gashes that would never heal.

"You know I do," I replied quietly.

"So why are you trying to leave?"

"I wasn't," I lied, facing the opposite direction.

"You were. You know I don't want to go home, having Carlisle and Esme ride my ass all day. You know Emmett and Jasper don't understand me like you do. But you aren't sympathetic to me at all. You're trying to leave me alone so that I'll have no one. Is that what you want? Did you want me to die in that fire?"

"What?" I asked in shock. "Edward, no! You know that's not true! I'm doing the best I can."

Edward shook his head in disgrace, as if he disbelieved my words.

"Baby, please." I jumped up from the swing, standing in front of him to grab his face, holding it to me. "I would never leave you. Do you honestly think I wanted you to die? Do you think I'm that horrible of a person? Tell me what I need to do! Tell me what I'm doing wrong!"

The droplets flowed from my eyes. I'd triggered something. I don't know what I'd did, but there I was again, making everything worse. How could I be so selfish? My Edward was hurting, and I was too busy worrying about myself that I wasn't giving him enough attention. I wasn't loving enough or caring enough. I let my frustration override my judgment, and the only one paying the price for my sins was Edward.

The air was filled with sounds of children giggling in the background. It was an opposition compared to the oxygen Edward and I breathed. Theirs was full of joy, whereas ours was filled with bitterness. Hate. Deception.

And guilt.

Always guilt.

"I want you to apologize, Bella," Edward said softly. "For yesterday, embarrassing me in front of our friends. For today, for not trying your best to help me. For that fucking fire, for not being there. I asked you to come over, but you said you had to help your mom instead. You chose her over me. And now you're choosing yourself. You'd rather go home than be with your best friend. If you want to go, then go. But if you stay, I want you to apologize and promise to put me first. I always did with you, and I'm not getting the same in return."

"Are you blaming me for what your father did?" I screamed. "Edward, that's preposterous! And I tried-"

"Apologize. NOW!" Edward's fury loomed over me. It was full of threats satiated with fear. "I swear, Bella, on everything that I am, I will fucking leave and I won't come back. Then you'll understand what it's like to be me, to hurt until your heart bleeds, to beg for air and get nothing in return. How would you like that, Bella?"

I can't.

I won't.

One…

Two...

Three…

_Abracadabra._

"I'm sorry."

* * *

**Ah, and now we see. Edward secretly blames Bella for not being there. Not that she could have helped him, but still. I think these two need a little parental guidance. Whaddya think?**

**MariahajilE threatened DatBetchward! How dare you?! The wrath of a muffin has no boundaries! **

**Blueeyedcherry, I think you are secretly a strawberry. Don't lie. It's written all over your seedy beautiful face.**

**READERS- I know Edward seems horrible. He is. Just refer back to chapter one and Bella's unwavering love to help him. Sometimes, though, it isn't enough. *cue foreshadowing music***


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

I turned the key in the ignition.

Nothing.

The engine spurred but did not start. I banged my fist against the steering wheel and cursed to everyone and no one in particular. Glancing at my watch, I sighed heavily. I had exactly ten minutes to get to school, or I would be late.

I had already been tardy to first period several times. _Three strikes, and you're out._

Well, not out, but sentenced to an afternoon in detention, and that was punishment enough.

I snatched my backpack from the passenger seat and ran back into the house through the snow that lightly drifted down. In any other state, there'd be a snow day. Not here in Washington, though. Forks High never closed, never had delays. They planned on keeping us hostage through rain, snow, and tornados. Dad was gathering his briefcase just as I rushed in.

"Dad, the Volvo won't start." Grabbing his car keys, Dad grimaced.

"What's wrong with it?"

I let out an exasperated groan. _How was I supposed to know?_ I wasn't a mechanic.

"I have no idea. The battery, I think. Do you have jumper cables?"

Dad stood handsomely in his business suit and frowned. "No."

What kind of Dad didn't have cables? Oh, that's right. The kind who didn't own a single tool. He just paid everyone to do everything for him.

"I'll call the Jim at the Seattle dealership to come take a look at it," Dad offered. _See what I mean? _"I'll give you a ride, honey."

I handed Dad his pea coat and followed him out the door to his BMW. I now had eight - no, make that seven - minutes to get to class.

Dad's SUV started with a purr. He adjusted his mirror and slowly backed out of the driveway. I fidgeted at his leisurely pace. Old people had no concept of time.

We finally arrived at school, and I practically jumped out of the vehicle, nearly skidding on the wet ground. "Are you coming to pick me up?"

Dad shook his head. "I have meetings all day today. I'll tell your mother to come get you. Have a good day, sweetie."

I nodded, waved a quick goodbye, and ran into the brick prison without even stopping at my locker. The near empty hallways reaffirmed my tardiness. I stumbled through the doorway of class just as the bell rang.

Mr. Garrett grimaced as I walked past him. "Glad you could grace us with your presence, Miss Swan."

"You're welcome," I mumbled under my breath and sat in the desk in front of Cullen. He immediately poked me between my shoulder blades with his pencil.

"Why are you late? I waited for you at your locker." Though I couldn't see his face, his tone was full of accusations.

I turned my head slightly and whispered back. "Stupid Volvo wouldn't start."

"Oh." He said it simply, as if my explanation satisfied him. He probably thought I was avoiding him. If I had any common sense, I would have.

"Class, today you will be calculating 12 word problems. You are to use trigonometric ratios to find the angles of elevation and depression. On the other set of questions, I want you to find the distances between objects using those ratios. You may choose a partner for this assignment."

The class cheered as Mr. Garrett cleared his throat. "There will be no horse playing or chatting. If I see you not completing this assignment or talking about matters other than trigonometry, you will receive a zero and given additional work. Do I make myself clear?"

We shouted "Crystal!" at Mr. Garrett's usual threat and passed the worksheets down the rows of seats. Students picked partners and loudly scraped their desks to turn them around.

Looking around the room, Rosalie had already chosen Alice. I sighed, turning my desk sit next to Edward.

"Oh, don't look so depressed. You enjoy my company." Edward smiled, a glimpse of his old charm creeping back in.

I clicked my mechanical pencil, avoiding his comment, and cursed as the lead broke. This day was going to hell. When I didn't answer, Edward pouted.

"Are you mad at me?"

_Mad? No, Cullen, I'm not mad. I'm fucking furious. _

"No." I refilled my pencil, clicked again, and tried to read the first problem.

"You seem mad."

Huffing, I leaned closer. "Edward, you treated me like shit yesterday, gave me an ultimatum, and tried to blame me for everything. You can't expect me to be all smiles and rainbows after that. Of course I'm pissed at you."

"I was wrong," he admitted. "I was angry about the beach. That fire… and Mike… and the things I said… I shouldn't have gone off like that."

This was not the place or time, but it needed to be said. I couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Edward, you need to talk to someone," I began in a hushed tone. "Not me and not your aunt or uncle. You need to see a therapist or something. Maybe if I speak to my dad, he can find-"

"No fucking way."

He said it as a matter of fact, a statement without thought or consideration.

For the first time in a while, I felt courage stir within me. In the past couple of months, I had let Edward's behavior become justified. As long as I allowed it, he would continue to run over me, using me as his personal emotional punching bag.

I was tired of being bruised.

"Then we can't be together."

Edward sucked in a breath, startled by my own ultimatum. As he glared at me with piercing eyes, I didn't even flinch. There was no anxiety about my decision, no fear about my choice.

If he didn't see a professional, then I had to let him go. It would be like cutting off my own arm, severing a part of myself. But I would live.

Because this tumultuous tug-and-pull, this give-and-take, this love-and-hate we had going wasn't working.

Edward swallowed as I tried to calculate a formula.

"And if I don't? If I refuse?" he questioned.

"Then you just refuse," I shrugged. "But I won't be here to watch you fall. I love you enough to walk away. Do you know what's more important to me than you getting help?"

The numbers blurred together, but I carried on, because eventually, they would make sense. After figuring out the problem, after analyzing all of the angles, the solution would come.

I smiled as I realized I needed to subtract rather than multiply the equation.

"Nothing, Edward. The answer is nothing."

* * *

I didn't see him the rest of the school day. He wasn't in any of the classes we shared, and even when lunchtime came and passed, he never showed up.

Alice said she saw him walk into the nurse's station, and I figured he was bullshitting his way to leaving school.

While a part of me was upset that he wasn't talking to me, a larger part was relieved. Maybe I would be spared from his wrath.

At final dismissal, students rushed out to their vehicles. Jess passed by me as I waited on the steps. "You need a ride, Bella?"

I shook my head. "No, my mom is coming." This was so embarrassing. I was waiting outside like a child whose parents were running late to pick her up from soccer practice.

After I reassured her, I was fine, I waited impatiently under the cover of the door. The snow was coming down harder, and it was freaking freezing outside. I reached into my pocket to grab my cell, but it wasn't there.

I searched frantically through my backpack only to come to a depressing conclusion; I'd left it in my Volvo.

_Shit._ Although I could have walked back inside to use the office phone, I decided to wait it out. I was sure Mom was on her way. Several teachers peeled out of the parking lot, escaping from the hell of another work day.

I sat on the concrete, with my hood as my only shield from the weather. After I was tired of shivering, I grabbed the front door.

It was locked.

I made my way toward the side of the building, where the teacher's parking lot was located. It was empty.

_Dammit. _

That must have been Principal Black's red car that had left five minutes earlier.

I was going to kill Mom for this. I tightened my coat around me and began the trek home. Though it was only a few miles, I'd probably die of pneumonia before then.

The snow had gained a few inches, and it was still coming down quite heavily. The longer I walked, the less I could see. The street was starting to become slick with ice, and I was careful to take each step.

It was the headlights that finally made me turn around. When I squinted, a white van appeared behind me.

I tried to think of who drove a large white van…

Scalper!

_Yes! _As much as I couldn't stand him, I hated walking in the snow even more. I stood on the side of the road, waiting for it to come closer.

Maybe Mike was too blind to see through the snowy drift.

Perhaps the road had become too slick.

Whatever the condition, it was apparent the van couldn't stop in time. I never even heard tires squealing.

Instead, it crashed right into me.

I should have felt pain, I should have screamed in agony, but as I laid there on the ground, not a single moan escaped from my mouth.

I slipped into unconsciousness, too overcome by my injuries to see anything.

Or to feel the strong arms that lifted and carried me away.

* * *

**Dun dun dun dun...**

**TY MariahajilE who sends me chapters on time and they sit in my email lurking, while you guys suffered yesterday. Let's kiss and make up, m'kay? Or blame Muffin. It's always best to blame the Muffin.**

**Blueyedcherry harasses me with green ink and questioning emails. Whatever happened to you being my mistress? I haven't been humped, not even once!**

**Do you think Bella was right to stand up for herself, or she should have been easier on Edward? Why hasn't anyone killed Mike yet? Just say the word people, and I'm on it!**


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty-Six **

**(EPOV)**

"_Then we can't be together."_

"_You know what's more important to me to me than you getting help?"_

"_Nothing, Edward. The answer is nothing."_

She didn't mean that shit. She couldn't have. Not to me. Not about us.

She was mine. My girl. My Bella.

The reason I fucking breathed, and there she was, stealing my oxygen.

I tried to look at her, but when she ignored me with a satisfied smile on her face, I knew. I knew it with every fiber of my being, with the way my hands trembled; I knew she didn't love me anymore and was through with of all of my bullshit.

Bella and I were over.

And I deserved every ounce of torment that thought brought to my head.

Looking back, I'd committed every unforgiveable act of sin. Threatening to leave, blaming her for the fire, guilting her into staying around…she didn't deserve any of it.

I was out of class before the bell finished ringing, bumping and shoving anyone who stood in my way. I couldn't handle them right now. Not their high fives and pats on the back, the same fuckers who'd laughed at me just days earlier.

"Edward?"

I ignored a concerned Alice and stormed into the nurse's station.

"Mr. Cullen, how may I help you?" Nurse Masen leaned over her clipboard, writing my name and time down. She was waiting to fill out my ailment.

There weren't enough pages in the world.

"My legs are sore." In general, it was the truth. The muscles had never been the same since… before. But anything to do with the fire and every adult around me kneeled to me in pity. For now, I would use it to my advantage.

"Oh, I'm sorry, dear," Nurse Masen looked around frantically, trying to think of some way to assist me. "You poor boy. Well, you can lie down, if you want. I don't have any medication on file for you, but-"

"Can I leave? I don't think I can manage the rest of the day."

"Why of course. I'll send out a notice to your teachers. Just take a seat while I call Mrs. Cullen."

I nodded, thanking her as I shifted the heavy backpack on my shoulder. I sat in the chair, avoiding some freshman who had fainted from the sight of blood in biology class. _What a pussy. _

While Nurse Masen called Esme, I struggled to hold it together. The more I thought about Bella, the angrier I became. We were supposed to be together. We weren't like those other teenage couples you saw making out in the hallway. We were one fucking soul; the same entity that woke me up in the mornings laid me to sleep at night. And somehow, she forgot about that.

I didn't need professional help.

_I needed her._

By the time Aunt Esme picked me up, it was after lunchtime. It was a bitch move, having your aunty pick you up, but I was in no shape to drive. Even after she and Carlisle had bought me a Mercedes, it sat in the garage untouched.

My legs weren't ready for the control it needed to push on the pedals, and even if it did, I didn't think I could drive just yet. I had some unexplainable fear the car would explode on me. Fire would burst and…

That thought terrified the shit out of me.

I stared out of the passenger window, noticing all of the green turn to white from the falling snow. It was as if the sunlight had disappeared all because of me. Esme glanced at me, the worry creasing the wrinkles below her eyes.

"Are you all right, Edward? You seem upset."

I wanted to tell her to fuck off, that it was none of her business. She wasn't my mother, although she tried her damndest to be. That shit wasn't ever going to happen. My mother was dead, she wasn't coming back, and Esme couldn't replace her. _Ever._

But she did care about me, for reasons unknown.

"Bella broke up with me."

"Ahh, I see." Esme nodded and slowly turned the steering wheel to make a left. "Did she tell you why?"

Unlike the Swans, my aunt and uncle knew about our relationship. Though they'd tried to discourage me, they kept out of it. Charlie had called Carlisle, basically cursing him out about "my dysfunctional behavior." The only rule Carlisle had was to not bring Bella to the house. He didn't want Charlie breathing down his neck.

"She said I needed help. Fucking therapy or something!" I scoffed. "Can you believe that shit?"

"Well…" Esme began slowly. "Do you?"

"Do I what?" I asked, frowning.

"Do you need help? Do you think you've coped with everything on your own just fine?"

"Of course." _What kind of dumb-fuck question was that?_ That's all I did was cope. Every morning, when it took all of my strength not to just lay in bed all day. Every time I came across an idiot in the hall and managed not to punch them across his stupid face. Every minute, when I listened to Carlisle bitching about something or another, and I didn't throw his ass down the stairs. That was me coping.

Esme finally arrived at their house - a place I refused to call home - and parked the car without moving to leave. "Edward, you've been through a lot in the past year. It's more than most people would be able to handle. But sometimes, we try so hard to be strong that we start to bend, because we can't handle all of the weight. And after a while, when you're bending, others around you are breaking. Little pieces here and there. Sometimes they're so small, you don't notice the cracks, because you are so busy trying to hold yourself together. So Edward, if you are bending, if you are to the point of collapsing, if you are struggling to even live, then who is helping poor, broken Bella?"

When I didn't answer, Esme kissed me on my cheek.

"I'm proud of you, Edward. I know life isn't easy, but it will get better. I just want you to remember something."

I grimaced, dreading her motherly advice.

"You fought through fire, and you survived. You may have thought you were abandoned, but I saw something different. I saw a girl stand by your side every single day, praying you would live. I saw a girl put aside all that she was just to be with you. When your bones were broken, she also shattered. For every surgery you had, the doctor might as well have performed on Bella, too. She ached when you ached, cried when you cried. And even when you denied her a single visit, she didn't give up. If you continue to live proving to anyone and everyone that you survived by yourself, you're going to make the very nightmare you dread come true. The one person who would burn _with_ you and _for_ you will eventually wither away. And do you know what will happen next?"

I shook my head as Esme turned off the ignition and opened her door.

"You truly will be all alone in the ashes. And there's not a single Bella in the world who can save you from yourself."

* * *

**Surprise! I thought you all would like an Edward point of view. Don't worry, there's more to come. **

**TY MariahajilE and Blueeyedcherry. I think you guys are more pissed about the last cliffie than readers are. LOL.**

**READERS- I wrote in EPOV to connect the chapters 25 and 27. Just to let you know, all of your guesses (about the van) were wrong. ALL of them.**

**AITA in Greek means 'divine ruler of the underworld'. Just take that into consideration and realize my evilness has no limitations. ;D**


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

**(EPOV)**

I sighed at the blinking numbers on the alarm clock. It was almost 3:30 in the afternoon.

School would have let out almost an hour ago, but I was glad I didn't have to sit through monotonous lectures.

I lay on a stranger's bed, surrounded by a stranger's belongings I could never call my own. Aunt Esme had gone above and beyond trying to revamp their guest room into a bedroom that any teenager would be jealous of, but none of this shit was mine. Not the flat screen, not the Mac laptop, not the many game systems I once would have enjoyed. I missed _my _things.

I missed my small bedroom, the space no bigger than a closet where Leah would sneak into. I fondly remembered she used to have nightmares, and she would crawl into bed with me. I'd wrap my arms around her little body and sing, silently smiling at how she used to always have bits of dirt in her hair.

We used to have nothing - Mom, Paul, Leah, and I - and yet we had everything.

I would never again taste Mom's burnt pancakes. They were replaced with Esme's immaculate strawberry crepes, cooked to perfection. She would never have Mom's laugh when she served them at the table and smile about how they turned out better this time. There was no Paul, scarfing down his food at lightning speed just to go outside so he could play basketball. He'd beg me, and though I'd always turned him down because he was a little brother who just wanted me to join everything he did, I'd give in. We'd play football until our hands hurt from rubbing the leather cowhide.

The phone rang downstairs, and I heard Esme conversing before yelling my name. I sighed, slowly taking my time. Esme held out the phone to me.

"Who is it?" I asked.

She mouthed 'Carlisle,' and I hid my dissatisfaction. I answered, hearing my uncle's worried voice on the other end.

"Edward, are you okay? Esme told me you weren't feeling well." I glared at Esme's knowing smile and turned my back to her.

"I'm fine. Just had a rough day and all."

"I'm on my way home. How about you and I go out? It'll be my treat."

I leaned against the wall for support, already wearied. "I don't think so, Carlisle. I'm kinda tired."

The day had already beat the hell outta me, I wasn't in the mood for any of Carlisle's long winded speeches about life.

"I'll be there in ten minutes to pick you up," he replied, completely ignoring me. "Give the phone back to your aunt."

I growled, feeling trapped. What was I going to do? Tell him no? I handed off the phone to Esme and sulked upstairs. No one ever listened to me.

After tying my shoelaces and grabbing my jacket, I waited by the door until I heard a beep from the horn.

Esme yelled "Bye!" as I stepped into the freezing snow. The sleet was really coming down, blinding my clear view. I should have grabbed a heavier coat.

I squinted my eyes, mistaking the vehicle parked in the driveway. Instead of Carlisle's usual car, a white van beeped at me again.

I walked carefully, trying not to slip on the wet pavement. Carlisle leaned over and opened my passenger door. When I crawled inside, Carlisle was gripping the steering wheel.

"Where'd you get this piece of shit?" I joked. It didn't even have a CD player, just a cassette deck.

"From a friend," Carlisle stated blankly, cranking up the heat.

"Oh." I didn't care enough to ask where his luxury car was. Instead, I shivered, staring out the window.

"Esme told me what happened."

I couldn't even enjoy a peaceful five minutes of silence.

"She has a big fucking mouth," I muttered sullenly.

"You know, Edward," he said heavily, "It helps if you talk about your problems. I know Esme was probably trying to help, but it's best if you get a man's point of view. I'm your uncle. That's what I'm here for."

I strained at the thought of laying out my issues to the man I could barely tolerate, but in truth, Carlisle had done nothing but try to be family to me. I hesitated, but his kind eyes convinced me.

"Well, Bella broke up with me," I answered, trying to choose my words carefully. "She thinks I'm resentful towards her because of the fire. And she thought it would be best if I sought professional help. Maybe she's right."

"You don't need it," Carlisle chuckled. "You're doing just fine, boy. Women and all of their emotional bullshit. Excuse my language, but lots of people survive fires. You aren't any different from the rest."

Shock rippled through me. Of all of the people who I thought would try to convince me otherwise, my uncle was not one of them.

"It's not just that…"

"Oh?" he probed.

I stared out the window, the snow coming down too hard and too fast for me to recognize where we were going. I was hoping it was that new steak restaurant. Sulking all day had left me starving.

"I… uh…" I rubbed the back of my neck in hesitation. I had never revealed the circumstances to anyone other than Bella. I wasn't about to start now. Carlisle patted my leg, understanding.

"Listen, Edward. I know you love Bella, but once you allow her to dictate your life, it will never end. She'll always think she can give you advice. And that's what she's doing now, isn't she?"

I nodded.

"Do you know why that is, boy? Do you know why Bella thinks she can tell you what to do?"

I shrugged nonchalantly. It wasn't as if Bella was controlling me. In fact, it had been the other way around, and I was completely wrong for it. I was surprised Bella had put up with my shit for as long as she had.

I blew a hot blast of air onto the grimy window. The heat made a perfect circle before disappearing. With the palm of my hand, I wiped away the foggy glass.

Outside, peeking through the snow was a heap of burnt wood in the distance.

I recognized it immediately.

"Carlisle, what the fuck are we doing here? Turn around! Turn this fucking van around right now!" I fidgeted in my seat, trying to undo my seatbelt.

He didn't even react, just gave a bitter laugh. He turned off the engine to face me.

"Do you know my mother's maiden name, Edward?" He asked calmly.

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?" My voice rose, as I tried to tug on the locked door.

"Answer the damn question!" He barked in a chilling tone, causing me to loosen my grip on the unforgiving door handle.

"I don't know!"

"My father, Jason Jenks Cullen, married a young woman named Stephenie Garrett. Do you know anyone named Garrett, Edward?"

I trembled and it had nothing to do with the cold. "No!"

"Think real hard, boy. I'm going to ask you again. Do you know anyone named Garrett?"

I swallowed, a million thoughts ran through my head. None of them had to do with anyone's name. I was freaked the fuck out! Why the hell did he bring me here, to my burnt home that was barely standing?

He glared at me, and I tried to think past the panic that clawed at my stomach. Garrett… Garrett…

_Trigonometry?_

"Mr. Garrett? My math teacher?"

"Ahhh, so you do know. Good job." Carlisle smiled maliciously. "His name is Tyler Garrett, your grandmother's brother. He's been keeping an eye on you, Edward. You and Bella both. See, Edward, I have a special friend... and this friend of mine told you to keep your mouth shut. I let you continue seeing Bella. I told this friend, '_Don't worry if Edward says something to his girlfriend. She's loyal. She'll keep the secret to herself._' But I can't make that promise anymore, Edward."

My lip quivered in confusion. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Carlisle leaned in closely. "You watch your mouth, boy. Now you told your father you wouldn't tell anyone about the fire, but you did, didn't you? You told that little cunt, Bella, of yours. But now… now she's not yours anymore, and we can't guarantee she won't talk. Tyler called me earlier today, he told me everything that happened in class. And at the park. And at some shitty high school party you had at the beach. You've both become a liability, Edward. And I'll be damned if Billy spends the rest of his life in prison over you!"

_My dad?_

I grabbed on the door handle again, relentlessly pulling until I heard a soft moan.

My eyes slowly turned around, peeking to the bed of the van. On the rusted metal floor was my girl, her legs twisted and bound in a horrifying position.

I screamed. "Bella!"

But before I could move, a fist punched me across the face, sending me into an oblivion of darkness.

* * *

**I would have sent him into an oblivion of cotton candy, but why get your hopes up? hehe.**

**MariahajilE and Blueeyedcherry- I licked one of you and humped the other. The things you can accomplish on the internet these days...**

**READERS- Just in case you ever thought your math teacher was evil, you were totally right. PS- I love you guise. That's why I give you cliffies. ;D**


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

By the time I'd fully awoken, I'd convinced myself I was in a nightmare. I felt the grisly ashes beneath my fingertips before my eyes opened to reveal blurry images dancing around me. Blinking to correct my vision, my surroundings were a fusion of blackened walls and scorched remnants of furniture.

I tried to imagine I was somewhere else, but my subconscious refused to cooperate. It had built a barrier, dividing the line between fantasy and reality. But it was the pain that shot through my back and legs that reminded me I wasn't having delusions.

I was in the Cullens' old house, and the physical evidence told me all that I was seeing was very real.

My hands and feet were bound, and I was tied to a bed railing, unable to move from my uncomfortable position. The desire to remember how I got here was revoked. All that remained were distant memories of walking along the side of the road, and then… nothing.

A rugged groan behind me alerted me I was not alone.

I attempted to shift my body, but the single movement was excruciatingly painful.

"Bella…"

I would know that voice anywhere.

"Edward! Is that you?" My words were hushed, a raspy whisper from damaged vocal cords.

"It's… it's me." He whimpered in agony, and my fear grew more for him than for myself.

"Are you okay? What's going on?" I began to hyperventilate, feeling helplessness rise through my chest.

"I'm fine. We… we have to get out of here… My dad… and Uncle Carlisle… and Mr. Garrett…" He struggled to form a coherent sentence, and the possibility of him being injured scared me immensely.

_Mr. Garrett? _

The details of our predicament were unimportant. All that mattered was that we were in danger and we had to get the hell out of there. Edward's bedroom was almost bare, and the lone window was boarded shut. Only a glimpse of dim light glowed underneath the shut door.

"Bella, listen… Listen to me carefully. We aren't safe," he rasped. "See if you can untie yourself."

The tight rope around my wrists was pressing deeply into my skin. I writhed my hands around, but it was of no use.

I started to weep in panic. "Edward, I can't! It's too tight… And my legs…"

Just the mention of my limbs triggered another agonizing throb to race through my muscles and bones. Even if I somehow, someway became untied, I would never be able to walk, much less run.

I was going to die here.

"Shhh, baby, don't cry. Don't cry. I'm going to get us out of here." Edward's soothing voice attempted to pacify my fears, but the grimness of our situation was too much. A salty tear touched my quivering lip, tasting of misery and desperation. "There's a loose screw on my side of the railing. I remember always hitting my leg against it. I'm going to try to rub my rope against it."

I could hear Edward working frantically, attempting to pull and jerk and rub his bindings against the bed. It shook during his efforts, with his labored breathing pausing between grinding teeth.

While he toiled, I attempted to piece together the events of earlier that day.

"You said Mr. Garrett's name earlier. Why did you mention him?"

Edward took a few moments to answer. "Apparently, Mr. Garrett is my great uncle. He's been stalking us this entire time for Dad. Carlisle knew about the fire since the beginning."

I gasped in shock. "That doesn't make sense. The first day at the hospital, Esme said they hadn't heard from Lizzie and Billy in 19 years."

Edward scoffed. "Maybe Esme hasn't. I think Carlisle's been keeping in contact with my dad the whole time. Think about it, Bella. If your own brother killed his wife and kids, who is the first person he'd run to?"

I nodded in agreement. I bet Billy called Carlisle that night before the police were even on the scene. Thoughts of previous conversations raced through my mind. "My mom said the police tracked them down. That's how you came to be in their custody. And Esme said they went to a hearing."

"I doubt the police tracked anything," Edward replied sarcastically. "Carlisle probably popped up out of nowhere, pretending to be the long lost uncle I never had. You add that together with all of their money and Esme's kind heart, and it's a recipe for disaster. Dad gets away with murder, Carlisle keeps me in his house to keep tabs on me, and Mr. Garrett watches us when Carlisle can't. We've been fucked since the beginning, Bella."

A sense of dread washed over me. "So why now? Why, after all of this time, have they now decided to…"

_Kidnap us? Kill us?_ I didn't know their plans, but I was absolutely sure it wouldn't have a happy ending.

Edward seemed like he didn't want to answer. When he did, his voice was lower. Softer.

"I told you the secret, Bella. I told you everything that happened that night. About the fire. About Dad. About his threats. They were going to intervene when they discovered I'd told you everything, but Carlisle convinced dad it wouldn't matter. That you loved me enough to keep the secret to yourself. But today…"

Edward didn't need to finish his sentence.

When I left Edward, the secret went with me. It was a chance the Cullen men couldn't take.

* * *

I had no way to tell what time it was or how late it was getting. We sat through bouts of silence, in between Edward struggling to loosen or break his ropes. I wondered where our kidnappers were, but there were no sounds on the other side of the door.

In a sense, I think I was more worried for my parents. By now, Dad would have figured out Mom never came to pick me up. Had they called the police? Did they contact Alice or Rosalie or Jess? Would they have discovered none of them had seen me and eventually called Esme?

"Hey, Bella?"

Edward spoke in the midst of silence, breaking my train of thought. "Yeah?"

"Do you remember when we were seven and we found that puppy behind the grocery store?"

I smile, reminiscing. Lizzie had taken us to the store to pick up the few groceries they could afford. Edward and I had gotten bored so she'd told us to wait outside.

"It was a lab, right?"

"Yep. We knew Mom would never let us take it home, so we tried stuffing it under your shirt. We made it halfway across the parking lot, and it kept wriggling."

"I told her I was hungry and had a rumbly tummy," I laughed. "We thought we'd really fooled her."

"What was his name again?"

"We named it Egg Roll," I recalled. "I think it was a girl, though."

"Yeah, and Mom said we couldn't keep it. We were both crying so loud. She took it to the animal shelter, and we were so upset, we stole her keys so she couldn't leave it there."

"We kept chanting she was an egg roll killer. Man, we got into so much trouble…"

We both laughed softly at the memory.

"You think they found it a good home?"

"I hope so," I said softly. "I really hope so."

Everyone needed someone to love.

* * *

"Bella, I think I almost-"

A loud bang interrupted Edward, and I jumped, terrified by the noise.

"Who is it?" I whispered.

"Shhhh. Don't say anything," Edward warned.

The doorknob slowly turned, and two dark figures stood in the dim, glowing light of a lantern that sat in the distance.

Carlisle and Billy.

Carlisle pointed a gun at us, while Billy held a knife.

I trembled, with my heart thundering in my chest. They stood before us, looming with sinister smiles on their faces.

"What did I tell you, Billy?" Carlisle grinned. "I told you I'd take care of everything. I'm your big brother, I'll always have your back."

"That you do." Edward's father walked towards me, kneeling in front. He waved his knife dramatically, and his rough fingers roughly rubbing my cheek. I tensed from the contact of his skin touching mine. "What do we do with this one? She's pretty."

"Whatever you want. By the time we're through with them, no one will be able to identify the bodies, even if they find them."

Billy pulled the front of my hair, jerking my head back. "You hear that pretty girl? Big brother says I can do whatever I want. I'm gonna fuck you right in front of my son. How would you like that, you little cunt?"

"Leave her alone!" Edward shouted.

Billy's hot breath blew in my face, and I heard a swift smack from the other side of the bed.

"Shut your mouth, you piece of shit," Carlisle threatened him. "You brought her into this, now you're going to reap the consequences. Get her up, Billy."

He reached behind me, untying the rope with ease. Then he did the same with the rope around my legs.

I was still bound, though, with no ability to walk. I slapped and screamed at him, knocking my head into him. Billy grabbed me by the wrists, holding them tightly.

"You're going to pay for that," he growled into my ear. "Pull that stunt again, and I'm going to cut my son into tiny little pieces and fuck you with his bloody finger. Got it, princess?"

I whimpered as he lifted me, holding up my body weight.

For the first time, I was able to see Edward. His face was severely swollen, one eye almost completely shut closed. He held my gaze, fear sweeping across his eyes.

Carlisle smiled. "Have fun, Billy. And make sure you watch, Edward. You're not gonna want to miss the show."

He closed the door behind him, and that's when I was absolutely certain.

This had nothing to do with Edward and me.

This was about two brothers bound by a sadistic need to exude power in the sickest form.

We were not like that puppy we found when we were children. We were never going home. We were never going to experience love again.

Love was able to break chains, ropes, whatever tied two entities together.

But as Edward sat there, with a single tear running from his eye, I knew nothing would be broken tonight.

Nothing but our will.

* * *

***drops this off and runs away***


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

"_Your turn, Bella! Do a swan dive!"_

"_Har har. No fucking way, Cullen!" _

_Edward lingered near the edge of the pool at the bottom of the ladder. I stood shaking, ten feet high in the air, being a complete chicken shit. Dad had our new pool remodeled, with the base of the pool going deeper and a higher platform to jump off of. _

_He should have installed a baby pool for me._

"_It's a little high, don't you think?"_

_Edward's once chunky legs had become muscular, and I enjoyed the heightened view of his soaking wet body dripping from the chlorine water._

"_Quit being a pussy!" It was the first day of summer after tenth grade, and I wanted to make every day count. Having Cullen rescue me from being submerged was not the carpe diem I had in mind._

"_Hold on. I'm coming up. We'll do it together." Edward, in his blue swimming trunks, climbed up behind me. The board shook under the added weight, and I grabbed tightly onto him._

"_Wait! Not yet!"_

"_You're right. We'll just stand here while I fondle you." Edward moved his hands under my white ruffled bikini top, but I slapped them away._

"_Cut it out! You are not gonna cop a feel before I die," I warned him. "That's not how I wanna end my last day on this earth."_

_Edward laughed and gripped my hand. "Quit being so dramatic. It's easy. We jump together, and you'll rise back to the top. Besides, I know CPR, remember?"_

_Yes, only too clearly. My previous adventure in the river never strayed far from my mind._

"_You won't let me drown?" I asked, quivering._

"_Never, baby. Now... One, two, three!"_

_Edward never paused as he pulled me down into the water with him. It fell on all sides, surrounding me. I opened my eyes, struggling to find leverage, but there was none, just the cold waves filling my lungs. I clawed desperately at the water, forgetting all of the swimming strategies taught to me during lessons._

_I wanted to gasp for air, but strong arms wrapped around me. They lifted me to the surface, where I finally welcomed oxygen with gratitude._

_I choked a few times, but I was grateful I'd made it out alive. _

"_See?" Edward heaved and kissed me on the lips. "Wasn't so bad."_

_I coughed once more. "I forgot how to swim. I need floaties!"_

_Edward laughed, bobbing in the water as I clutched onto the side of the pool. "What do you need those for?"_

_He released my hands from the side and wrapped them around him. His green eyes peered into mine, loving me in spite of my faults. Leaning forward, I molded his lips around mine. He tasted of salt and chlorine, but it was warm. _

_It was him, not the lack of air, that took my breath away._

"_I was going under," I gasped. "I didn't think I would come back up."_

"_I promised I wouldn't let you drown. I love you, baby."_

_Edward smoothed back my wet hair._

"_The water is shallow. If you think that's deep, then you haven't been paying attention."_

* * *

I could smell Billy's acrid odor as he leaned over me.

Cigarettes and dirt.

Old leather and desperation.

I continued to whimper as I laid face down, not wanting a single scruff from his face to touch my skin.

I kept my eyes on Edward, my anchor in the ocean of misery I so frantically tried to escape from.

"You're so pretty, princess," the monster huffed.

_Pay attention, _Edward's eyes told me. _Focus on me and pay attention._

I fought to keep my heart from thundering aloud in my chest as I stared at my lifeline. The explosion of pain seared through my body, the added weight seeming infinite. Tears poured from my eyes as I gasped for breath. I dared not move, as any small feat would mean certain death.

My fingertips reached in a frenzy toward Edward, the small miracle as rough hands stretched over my back. I would welcome the end right now. That was for certain. I would embrace the completion of my life if I could, without ever returning to this nightmare.

Edward nodded at me, sliding a single finger across his lips.

_His hands! He was free!_

I wanted to cry out, but I refused, heeding his directions. Billy began to lift up my shirt, exposing skin when Edward yanked both arms in front of him.

He drove his fists downward, with Billy being knocked to the side. He screamed in agony, falling to the side. He clutched his bloody head, howling in severe pain.

"You fucking bastard!" Billy screeched in an animalistic rage. His knife slid across the floor to the other side of the room.

"Bella, help! You have to untie me!" Edward yelled for my help, to unbind his legs. I clawed at the rope, struggling to untangle the knots. They came undone just as Billy pushed me against the railing with great force.

My legs were dragged back towards him, and the hardwood floor scraped my burning cheek. I struggled against his strength, slapping at whatever skin I could make contact with. Edward dove overtop of me, banging his father's body against the charcoaled wall.

"Leave her the fuck alone!" He hammered Billy's head repeatedly, each bang sounding like the beat of a drum. I grabbed the edge of the bed, trying to raise myself up. Twice, my weak legs pulled me back down, but with much effort, I sat up.

My head and lungs pounded as Billy and Edward grappled. In that moment, I felt so helpless. Soon, Carlisle would come in here to finish us both off. A small object glimmered from the light underneath the bed. I fumbled, feeling the odd shaped object.

Pulling it out, I recognized it immediately.

_Our Field Day trophy_! The same one Edward had smashed through the window on the day of the fire was now in my hands.

"Edward!" I yelled, tossing the small object through the air. He fumbled, barely catching it.

Billy looked to his son. "What? Are you gonna kill me hero? You don't have the fucking balls!"

Edward stared at his father. "I have more than you."

He spoke quietly before driving it into Billy's head.

He struck him again and again, leaving nothing to chance. Soon, Billy's yelling became silence. As the blood pooled onto the floor, I screamed Edward's name. He seemed to be in a violent trance, unwilling to stop gouging the metal through his father's skull.

"Edward, we have to go!" I begged. Billy's body slumped over, and Edward stood, searching the floor for Billy's knife. He grabbed it immediately, then reached down to pick me up. He could barely stand with the added weight. His knees buckled twice, and I sobbed.

"Leave me here!" I begged. "Go get help! You can't carry me."

"No!" Edward adjusted my weight as I wrapped my arms tighter around him.

"I'm not going anywhere without you."

He turned the doorknob, careful to peek through the crack before walking through.

Carlisle was nowhere to be found.

Edward half-jogged, shifting me as we ran through the living room and out the front door. The moonlight gleamed above us. A white van sat parked in the driveway, unmoved.

Nodding towards the right, Edward huffed through his words. "There's a house right through the woods there. We just have to go a little further, baby. Just a little further."

The tears trickled down my face as I gripped Edward tighter.

"Can you make it?" I asked, my voice cracking.

"We have to," he answered firmly.

He rushed through the trees, branches thrashing us along the way. An owl hooted through the stiff night air, unknowing of our circumstances. We rushed feet by feet, each yard seeming to stretch the distance.

A red house appeared through the forest, and I smiled with relief.

"We're almost there!" Edward breathed.

Life was like that.

You see a dream right in front of you, and destiny tries to tear you apart.

It rips through every lovely faction of imagination you ever visualized and shreds apart your fantasy.

The bitter taste of reality crashed down on us as a large object crushed Edward's back.

I had been so busy idealizing the prospect of hope, I never saw the nightmare following behind us.

We fell to the ground easily, and Carlisle smiled over us, a rifle in his hand.

Edward hollered from the blow, and I felt wet leaves stick to my face. I knew this was the end.

"Go," Edward mumbled. "He wants me. You can make it."

I shook my head as Carlisle aimed his weapon. Even if I could run, it was never an option.

"You think I could leave you?" I coughed out. "It's you who hasn't been paying attention."

"I love you, Bella Swan," Edward whispered.

"I love you, too, Cullen."

I entangled my fingers with his.

Flashes of our childhood through adolescence flickered through my mind.

_Symmetry. Watermelon popsicles. The willow tree. Bear meat. Hot wax. Animal crackers. _

_Fire. Surgery. Ice chips. Beaches. Trigonometry. _

Together, we had lived. Endured. Suffered. Wept. Sustained. Loved.

And to die like this? It seemed so probable. Easy.

Life didn't revolve as it had seemed to.

It was death, the finality of the end that spun.

_Round and Round._

* * *

**Go ahead. You know you want to sing it...**

**MariahajilE isn't talking to me until this story is over and Blueeyedcherry has a therapy license (written in crayon). I think I'm hiring...**

**READERS- I wanted to see how many of you made past yesterday's chapter. Good job. You all stuck with me. My evilness has SOME boundaries, ya know. Is anyone mourning Billy's death? I'm trying to figure out whether to hold a memorial service or not. :P**


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter Thirty**

"_Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you._

_Happy birthday to Bella. Happy birthday to you!"_

_The crowd cheered as I stood frowning over my bright pink Barbie birthday cake with a number eight candle at top. I wiped another smudge of dirt over my fluffy white dress and scratched my knee._

_Yuck._

"_Bella, make a wish." Mom smiled, nudging me forward. Edward leaned forward, sneaking a finger full of the icing. I snickered but looked up at Mom._

"_I don't have anything to wish for," I answered truthfully._

_I could have wished for a Power Ranger cake like the one I wanted, but that would be wasting it. I wanted to save it for something really good. _

"_Blow it out! Blow it out!" The kids chanted around me, so I filled my cheeks full of air and blew as hard as I could._

_I giggled as spit flew out, too. _

"_Happy birthday, Bella!" Alice squeezed me tightly as Dad corralled all of the kids to line up._

"_No shoving, children. Everyone will get a slice!"_

_Emmett and Edward stopped their pushing, and both reached for the next large slice. _

_Boys were so dumb. Fighting over cake?_

_Stupid, stupid boys._

_Ms. Lizzie stepped forward, holding a three year-old Paul and kissed me on the cheek. "You look beautiful, Bella."_

_Lifting up the bottom of the dress, I showed her the layers of ruffles. "Thanks. But it's so itchy."_

_She laughed and flattened few strands that had escaped from my pigtails. "Would it help if I told you a secret?"_

"_Oh, yes! Please, Ms. Lizzie! What's the secret?" I jumped up and down, careful not to make my dress float up._

_Again._

_Mom yelled at me the last time I showed my yellow undies._

"_In one of those boxes are a pair of shorts. I couldn't get you much, but next time, if you wear them under your dress, they won't itch so much."_

_I wrap my arms around her waist. "Thanks, Ms. Lizzie! You're the best!"_

_I was so thankful. I knew she didn't have a lot of money, but she spent some on me. I loved her so much._

"_Gather around kids," Mom yelled. "Time to open presents."_

_Edward sat next to me on the white bench and held out a fork. "Cake?"_

_He had pink icing smudged all over his lips. _

"_For me?" I asked._

"_Yeah," he answered shyly. "That's why I needed the biggest piece. So we could share."_

_Wow. I was shocked he thought enough to share with me, especially 'cause his tummy was jiggling and he really looked like he wanted to eat the whole thing._

_I took a small bite and pushed the plate back to him. "Thanks, Edward. It's all yours. I'll probably be eating cake for the next month."_

_I pointed at the cake that's taller than I was to prove my point._

"_Awesome!" Edward grinned, stuffing more into his mouth._

_I started opening some of the presents, most wrapped in either pink or purple paper. _

_Barbie doll._

_Playhouse._

_Paint set._

_Mom elbowed me after each one, making sure I said thank you to each guest. I didn't wanna say thank you, 'cause why in the heck would I want to play with a baby doll?_

_I was eight, and besides, I hated dolls._

_The next gift was long and yellow with a large white bow. _

"_From me and your dad," Mom said, winking at me._

_I tore off the paper, tossing it onto the ground._

_I shouted so loudly with glee, and Mom immediately began giving rules. "Now, you have to be careful-" _

_I was already ignoring her._

"_What is it?" Edward asked, leaning over._

"_A skateboard!" It was super cool, with green wheels on an alien on the front. I was so excited, I started peeling off the plastic. Edward looked real sad, and I couldn't help but to feel bad for him. He wanted one of these for Christmas, but Ms. Lizzie said she couldn't afford it._

"_Hey," I said, trying to cheer him up. "We'll take turns. I promise."_

"_Nah, it's okay."_

_But really, it wasn't. I felt so bad for him. It wasn't a good birthday if my best friend wasn't happy. _

_I closed my eyes for a second, finally thinking of a birthday wish._

_Jasper and his mom walked through the front gate, immediately rushing through._

"_Sorry we're late," Mrs. Hale apologized. "Jasper's not feeling too well. He threw up on the way here."_

"_Oh, I'm terribly sorry. Well, we appreciate you coming. Please help yourself to some cake."_

"_Thank you. Jasper, hand Bella her gift."_

_Jasper looked kinda pale but handed me a long package. _

"_Thanks, Jas." I ripped open the package and immediately jumped up to hug him._

_It was a long blue skateboard with red lines. _

"_Shucks! You got two?"_

_Edward almost looked like he was going to cry. _

"_Nope," I answered, shaking my head. "My birthday wish came true. Now you have a skateboard, too."_

_I passed him the package just as Jasper barfed on his shoes. Gross._

"_You mean it?" Edward's grin was so big, I thought he was going to break his face. _

_I nodded as Edward wrapped me in a hug. "Now we can skate together."_

_Besides, it wouldn't be as fun without him._

_Two days later, when we both went screaming into the house with bloody, skinned knees, Mom finally confessed the bakery mixed up the cakes._

_I had been wishing on dreams meant for someone else._

* * *

The air tasted like metal, a sure sign of death as Carlisle hovered over us with the gun pointed in our direction.

"My brother!" he yelled in rage. "You killed my only brother. My flesh and blood! Fuck you, nephew! After all I've done? I brought you into my home, and you repay me by killing my brother?"

Any hope we'd previously had vanished long ago. Carlisle would leave us with no mercy, possibly shooting us until our bodies were unrecognizable. The wind blew, pulling at his untucked shirt. It was disheveled, a reflection of his emotional state.

Edward hovered over me, protecting my eyes from Carlisle's wrath. "Don't look, baby. I'm here with you, okay? Just don't look."

He hummed a familiar tune as a shot blasted into the air.

A brief moment passed, yet I felt no pain. I supposed I had bypassed both heaven and hell, and had ended up into the unknown middle.

I had no idea where that was, but I secretly wondered if they had popsicles here.

It took me a few seconds of blinking to realize death had not come for me. Shady oaks stood surrounding me, which only left one option. My stomach tightened as I realized the one person I truly loved, the one person I would wish anything for, must have been shot.

"Edwarddddddddddddd!"

I couldn't scuffle from underneath him, so I attempted to roll over his body. "Where are you shot?"

Edward gazed at me in confusion. "I-It wasn't me."

Our eyes locked before slowly turning our heads around.

Carlisle was on his knees, blood spewing from his mouth, as he held his gut. A bullet had severed through him completely. I gave a constricted laugh of relief.

Behind him was one person I never expected.

"Every day may not be good," she began.

"But there's something good in every day," I finished.

Ms. Clearwater ran toward me like a missile, kneeling to wrap her arms around me. Police sirens sounded off in the distance as Carlisle struggled to breath, falling over to his side. His vengeance seeped away with each drop of blood that left his body.

"How did you find us? What are you doing here?" I asked her a million and one questions, still holding on to her tightly. My mind spun in curiosity, trying to find a reasonable explanation for her appearance.

"Hush child. Don't worry about that now. Let's just say some men will say anything in the heat of passion.

She winked as I tried not to give a look of disgust.

_Mr. Garrett? Ugh._

Edward snorted as Ms. Clearwater glanced us over. "Are both of you all right?"

"We're fine. Nothing makes you feel more alive than being faced with death."

Ms. Clearwater smiled. "You are very wise, Bella."

I grasped Edward's hand, feeling the familiar texture against my own.

"So I've heard."

Edward gazed past us toward Carlisle, who was in too much agony to reach for the gun thrown several feet away from him.

"Is he going to live?"

Ms. Clear walked over, kicking him to the side and smiled knowingly. "I think so. But it's too bad, isn't it?"

She pointed her pistol toward him as Edward held his arms out.

"Don't. Please! I know he's awful, but don't," he pleaded in a hysterical voice.

I glanced at Edward, who was much stronger than I was. If it were my choice, I would have shot him 50 more times. I would have stabbed him if I could, parallel lines methodically cut into his heart. There would be no surge of guilt running through my body, just a sick satisfaction I would admit to no one.

He looked down, mouthing his explanation.

"He's the only family I've got."

* * *

**Stupid Edward, you've got Esme! Why won't you let me kill him? I haz plans, dammit!**

**MariahajilE- You never sleep, do you? It amazes me how you hard you work for my crap. Perhaps Blueeyedcherry can prescribe you something, eh? *glances at the prescription written in marker***

**READERS- Poor Edward, he's lost everything and still wants Carlisle to live. I say we go with Bella's plan and hand her a knife. I like her thinking. :D**


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter Thirty-One**

**June 2015**

**Night before senior graduation**

**17 years old**

"You think I could count 'em all?"

I glanced at the open universe, peeking at Edward through my eyelashes. He's as beautiful as he's always been, even with his hair a complete mess. I fought to keep myself from running my fingers through the strands that fell onto his forehead.

"Hmm?" he asked in a distant voice.

"The stars," I clarified. "Do you think I could count 'em all?

Edward perched himself up, leaning against the railing on my balcony. "It's possible. But it would take you a lifetime. Why would you want to waste your time on that?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. I figured out the math. There are 86,400 seconds in a day. I just want to know if it's feasible."

"I suppose…" Edward leaned over me, gently kissing me on the neck.

Wrapping my arms around him, I enjoyed another tender press of his lips against my skin. It was nice, this simple, calm moment we had before our lives were about to change.

Graduation was tomorrow, and the butterflies in my stomach constantly flew about, not caring about my nerves. To Edward, graduation was not a milestone. He had been through so much, it probably wasn't a big deal like it was to the rest of us.

"You're nervous, aren't you?"

I nodded, thankful he could understand my reaction. "Aren't you?"

"Nah. Besides, it's just another day in my book. We graduate, I have my therapy session, and then your parents are throwing that huge party. I'm excited but not nervous."

"Good for you. I guess Mr. Tanner tells you to count to ten and all of that. Must be nice. I might have to jump in on one of your sessions."

Edward chuckles, caressing my cheek. "Peter wouldn't mind. He wants to meet you anyways. But I'm not ready… not yet."

I smiled, studying the peaceful content look on Edward's face. He had come a long way. He was still far from perfect; those bouts of anger popped up out of nowhere sometimes.

But I had grown, too. I'd learned to walk away.

Edward sat up quickly, reaching into his pocket. "I almost forgot. Carlisle sent another one."

He pulled out an unopened envelope mailed from Seattle Penitentiary. "Wanna burn it for me?"

"That's not funny, Edward," I chastised him, propping myself up. "Are you even gonna read this one?"

He wouldn't reply, an implication of scars that would never be healed. There was no advice I could give him to change his mind. Pain like that was inescapable, always haunting him from the inside out.

He handed me the envelope, and I opened it slowly, just as I had all the rest he had given to me. I read it silently while he fiddled with his fingers.

_My Dearest Nephew, _

_I hope this letter finds you well. I know you haven't responded to my previous mailings, but there's no harm in trying. Esme refuses to visit or respond to my calls, so I thought I'd try to reach out to you once again._

_I was in a dark place, Edward. It was the kind of black hole where you try to decide between family and family. There was no comparison when it came to Billy. I loved what he loved, hated what he hated. I'm sure you had a similar relationship with Paul. But with Billy, I thought it was my duty, my absolute obligation, to protect him. In the meantime, that meant hurting you. My hatred was not for you, exactly, but more for the pain of possibly losing my little brother. It wasn't a risk I was willing to take._

_For that, I'm sorry. You and Bella didn't deserve all that __we, no__ I, did to you. The damage cannot be undone, and I fully realize that. And I'll spend the rest of my life in prison trying to pay the price for my sins. Despite what has happened, I hope you know that I do love you. I may not have always shown it, but deep inside, you reminded me of me at one time. That was before I allowed others to control my life and my actions. _

_I'm not trying to prove my innocence here. I'm guilty. I'm guilty of not loving you enough, not loving Esme enough, and loving Billy too much. I know I don't deserve it, but I would be beyond grateful if you responded back._

_Once again, I'm sorry._

_Love, _

_Your Uncle Carlisle_

"Are you sure?" I attempted to hand the letter to Edward, but he refused.

I don't blame him.

The weight of Carlisle's apology binds between us like a magnetic field; always pulling, never releasing.

I ripped the paper in half.

It's just for show. I'll tape it back together and put it with the rest in my nightstand.

One day, despite my objections, he'll want those letters back.

I won't be liable for their destruction.

* * *

We all sat at the dinner table, awkwardly asking to pass the salt or the mashed potatoes. Mom and Dad still felt remorse from that horrible night. Dad forgot to call Mom about picking me up, and by the time he realized it, it was too late. His guilt was a constant burden on my shoulders. Even the brand new Volvo I graciously accepted doesn't appease his conscience.

"So, Edward," Dad began, slowly chewing his pork loin. "Is there anything you wanted in particular for a graduation present?"

Edward coughed out a small amount of water, immediately wiping away his mess with a napkin.

"No, sir. I mean, that isn't necessary."

"Now, Edward, I've told you about that. Call me Charlie. I know we hit a rough patch, but I'm still in debt for you protecting my daughter. It's the very least I can do."

"Da-ad!" I moaned, embarrassed by his prodding. "He said he didn't want anything. Just drop it."

"What about a car, Edward?" Mom suggested. "Would you like a car? I know you're not driving yet, but someday…"

"Err, I'm okay. Really. But thank you."

_This was just embarrassing for everyone involved. My parents have absolutely no boundaries. _

A moment pauses before Dad spoke up again.

"First year tuition for college?"

Edward and I exchanged a meaningful look.

_Embarrassing wasn't even the word for it._

* * *

The kiss was electric, as if the buzzing was the first time we'd ever experienced it. It was a desperate response to our wanting bodies.

Tangling.

The constant pulling.

The endless need for more.

His hands dropped from around my shoulders and down to the curve of my back. He could whisper anything at this moment, and I would savor his secrets, one constant murmur to the next. Edward's green eyes smoldered between our precious kisses.

"I have to go," he breathed, pressing his forehead against mine.

"Please stay. I promise my parents won't bother us."

Edward grinned. "And why would they? They'd just offer to buy us our own house."

"Ha ha," I replied sarcastically.

"Really, I can't leave Esme by herself. She gets lonely."

I sighed. I understood, but still… I guess I was being selfish, wanting to keep Edward all to myself.

He pressed himself towards me firmly, so close I could feel his heart beating.

His lips barely brushed against mine. They were warm, like the familiarity of home. I would never get tired of kissing him, of our intense connection that we'd always share.

I savored his taste for a moment before finally releasing him.

"Tomorrow?" I asked, leaving the tips of our fingers skimming each other.

"Tomorrow," Edward promised.

It was another lie.

By the time the sun had risen, those stars I had insisted on counting had disappeared.

86,400 seconds.

One day was all it took to flush six months of therapy down the drain.

* * *

**Ekkk! I swear, if someone pays me cupcakes, I'll stop writing cliffies. Until then...**

**MariahajilE is still on strike and Blueeyedcherry calls me Master. I like it.**

**READERS- Hmm what could possibly happen next? I might have thrown Edward off a cliff. It seemed like a good idea at the time.**


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter Thirty-Two**

"Strawberry crepe, Bella?"

"Don't do it!" Edward jumped in front of me, dramatically protecting me with both arms from the delicious breakfast. "It's poisoned!"

"What?" I stared at the mouth-watering, light brown pancakes draped with strawberries and whipped cream.

Edward leaned closely toward me. "It's filled with love. That's how she sucks you in."

Esme laughed, ruffling his head full of hair. "You betcha, kiddo. Bella, go ahead and eat before you leave."

She didn't have to convince me any further as she handed me a fork.

I stuffed the delicious food into my mouth, savoring the fresh fruit as Esme straightened Edward's suit. "You look so handsome today. I'm proud of you, Edward."

She adjusted his black tie and dusted off nonexistent lint.

"Thanks, Esme. You're going to be on time, right? It starts at 11."

"Then I better hurry," Esme said, still dressed in a silk robe. "Bella, there's more on the stove if you want any. You kids drive safely, understand?"

We nodded as Esme kissed us both on the forehead.

She whispered quietly in my ear as Edward rummaged through the refrigerator. "Thanks for taking care of my nephew. You're a wonderful, brave girl, Bella. I love you as my own."

I blushed, not knowing how to respond to the undeserved compliment. "I love you, too, Esme."

Edward cleared his throat and tapped his watch. "Eleven o'clock, Aunty."

Esme laughed. "I'm going. I'm going! 12:30, right?"

"ELEVEN O'CLOCK!" we both yelled as she walked away giggling.

Edward prodded me along, shuffling from side to side as I gulped down a glass of orange juice. "Hurry up, Bella."

I gave him the dreaded eye stare, the one he hated so much. "Don't rush me, Cullen. I woke up super early to get dressed."

"And you look beautiful," he added, kissing me on the cheek. He appraised my strapless turquoise dress with a beaded bodice and ruffled chiffon layers.

"Oh, don't you even," I taunted, pushing him away. "Your compliments are not going to make me go any faster. In fact, I think I may enjoy a few more crepes."

"No!" Edward stole my fork, tossing it with precision into the sink. "We have to go!"

"You told me yesterday you weren't nervous," I reminded him, raising a suspicious eyebrow.

"I lied!" Edward confessed, pacing in circles. "I couldn't sleep. I kept dreaming I would fall off the stage or that Mike the Scalper was gonna charge me 500 bucks for my diploma!"

"How awful!" I teased him. "Anything but the Scalper! Hold your horses, Cullen. Just let me clean up first."

I carried my dishes to the sink, rinsing them off, and slowly inserting each one into the dishwasher. Every move was methodically slow, causing Edward to pull his hair out.

He tapped his foot impatiently until I triumphantly raised both hands in the air. "All done!"

"Now can we go to the school? Emmett is gonna meet us by the lockers."

I nodded until Edward grabbed his graduation items from the sofa, still wrapped in plastic.

My face drained with the realization I had rushed too quickly this morning. "Crap! I forgot my cap and gown at home!"

"Dammit, Bella! It starts at-"

I cut off his whining with a dismissal of my hand. "I know, I know. Eleven o'clock."

* * *

"Can you believe it?" Alice said in awe, adjusting my navy blue cap and tassel. "Senior graduates! I never thought this day would come."

"That's 'cause you almost failed government," Jasper joked, nudging Emmett in the side.

We laughed, nervously chattering as they tried to line everyone into alphabetical order. Rosalie, Jess, Alice, and I hugged one last time, squeezing each other's hands before they scampered off into their assigned spots.

Edward grabbed me by the arm, stopping me before I began to walk to the rear of the line. "Thanks, Bella. You know, for getting me here. I couldn't have done it without you."

I grinned, wrapping him into a tight hug. "You did it yourself. I was just there to push you along. Sometimes I wanted to push you off a cliff, but let's let bygones be bygones."

He chuckled, whispering into my ear. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you, too."

We embraced the last part of our childhood, knowing that we were no longer children. We were adults, ready to embark on a new adventure. As soon as the summer was over, we would both be headed to Berkeley University. I didn't know what my major would be yet, but as soon I figured out which one would use the least amount of math, that's the one I would pick.

Edward left a lingering kiss on my lips. "Popsicles afterward?"

"Only if it's watermelon," I confirmed.

"You got it, baby. You know I'm going to eat half, right?"

I smiled. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

* * *

The auditorium was filled to the max, with family members and friends beaming and flashing cameras as Principal Black gave a generic speech about how we should use the opportunity to experience life and accomplish our goals. My head and eyes darted to the three rows ahead of me, searching for Edward's grinning face. His eyes kept searching to the empty aisles, looking for a missing Esme.

I held up a finger to tell him to hold on. I gestured wildly to Dad, pointing to the empty seat beside him and mouthed Esme. He nodded and put his head down to make a phone call.

_As if he couldn't have texted. Old people._

A few moments later, I read his lips. "I called. She's on her way."

I smiled to Edward, relaying the message. His face turned to joy, rolling his eyes and tapping his watch. She was late, as always.

A slideshow began, showing all the members of the graduating class with sappy music playing behind it. Even I had to admit, most of the pictures were of Edward and me. From the fire to our kidnapping episode, we were heroes who had "beaten the odds."

I suspiciously noted how there were no pictures of Mr. Garrett.

Our classmates hooted and hollered each time their own photo came up. There was Emmett, making the final touchdown and holding up Edward's jersey in honor at the Homecoming game. Rosalie and Alice, pumping up at the students at the pep rally game. Jasper and Scalper, awkwardly dropping me on crutches at prom to accept the queen title. I knew my Dad would especially love the one with Jess, who was passing around the petition for the children's cancer ward at the hospital. The final photo was the best. Ms. Clearwater had organized the entire school to meet on the football field. With Edward and I directly in the center, a huge sign read, 'We ARE the change we wish to see.'

Even I was inspired by that one.

It was time for the valedictorian speech. I glanced around, unsure who had made the honors. I caught Ms. Clearwater's eye, who winked at me.

A girl with braces took the mic.

Angela Weber, out of the dungeon.

"This year has been filled with challenges. With that being said, I won't bore you with the usual 'You are special. Go after your dreams' speech. I want you to realize this is a fuc- I mean, messed up world. It's going to throw hurdles at you that you never expected. It's going to attempt to swallow you whole and spit you back out, unaware of the conquest you have made on this day. The world is not going to honor your accomplishments, hand you a sheet of paper, and tell you a job well done. Instead, it is going to challenge you, test you to see what you are made of. It's going to see how you can defy gravity when it's pulling you by the strands of your hair. This is the world. It's reality, even if we don't want to believe it. So, what are you supposed to do? You wake up each and every day, and tell the world you are going to succeed. You do it again and again and again."

Angela gently removed her cap, along with a long brown wig. Underneath was a bald head. Members of the audience gasped in shock. "This is me, waking up and telling the world I am not defined by my obstacles. I am not the shy girl with braces. I am Angela Weber, lover of books, hater of all things pink. So ask yourself, who are you? Do you love football? Do you love photography? Do you love… love? If that's who you are, take that passion and make it your own. That's what you fight the world with. Not your GPA. Not this stupid sheet of paper that tells us we made it through four years of hell. You fight the world with you, because at the end of the day, that's all that matters."

She took a deep breath, adjusted her wig and cap back onto her head, and faced the auditorium with fearlessness.

"Oh, yeah. And just in case you come to the day where you don't think you can make it anymore, look yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself you are special and go after your dreams. Because as I've learned, Class of 2015, that works, too."

Deafening applause broke out without a dry eye in the house. We clapped and yelled for over five minutes, honoring our classmate who had overcome her life-threatening disease. Dad nodded to me and ginned. That's why he had fought so hard for the cancer ward at the hospital ‒ for people like Angela. I understood it now.

Principal Black stood to the side of the stage as the ceremony music began.

"Marcus Aro." The geeky kid with the weird laugh took the stage first, shaking Principal Black's hand to accept the rolled up sheet of paper. Jessica jabbed me in the side, overtly excited and bouncing up and down in her seat.

"This is it, Bella! What's the first thing you're going to do when this is over?"

"Lose my virginity to Edward," I deadpanned.

She burst into laughter until she noticed the seriousness on my face. "No freaking way! Really?"

I squealed. "Yep. We already have it planned out."

"Wow," she exclaimed. "And I thought I was having a good day."

I chuckled and caught Edward just as it was his turn.

"Edward Cullen."

He blew me a kiss as he crossed the stage. He glanced around in worry, but I pointed to the woman with brunette hair and sunglasses that had just walked in. He grinned widely that Esme had arrived. He crossed the stage in usual Cullen fashion, doing an awkward hip-hop dance no one should have been forced to watch. His peers laughed as the principal proudly handed him his award.

After the anticipated wait, it was finally our turn. Our row simultaneously stood up, taking the line to the stage stairs. Jess and I held hands, squeezing them tighter as each named was called.

"Jessica Stanley."

She squeaked, straightened her cap, and sashayed across. I glanced at Dad, who gave me the thumbs up, and at Mom, who tried to smile as she blew loudly into her handkerchief. I rolled my eyes, too focused on them to hear my name.

The person behind me nudged me as it was called again. "Bella Swan."

"Oh!"

I blinked several times, adjusting my vision to the chaos surrounding me. Edward clapped his hands wildly, whistling several times. Proudly, I walked across the stage in sparkly turquoise flats, still mindful of my legs that were still healing. It was the small details I held onto in this moment.

Edward's nudge to his friends, getting them all to whistle for me a once.

Alice tossing rose petals that never quite fully reached the stage.

Dad's embrace to Mom, squeezing her as she tried balancing her handkerchief and camera.

I gripped the smooth piece of paper, waving it into the air before walking back to my seat. So quickly, it was over.

Principal Black called the last few names and spoke into the microphone.

"Congratulations to the graduating class of 2015!"

We tossed our caps into the air, signifying both the end and new beginnings. Edward departed from his row, finding me through the horde of students. We kissed, our blue gowns entangling around one another.

"Come on," I said, pulling away. "Let's go find our family."

Edward held onto my hand, releasing only when I walked into Mom's open arms. "I'm so proud of you, sweetie!"

"Thanks, Mom," I replied, not even wiping away the slobber on my cheek.

Edward looked around in confusion. "Where's Esme?"

I shifted my eyes, trying to sweep through the crowd. "She's here, I saw her earlier. Maybe she sat in the back."

"See you at the house, honey!" Dad yelled as we walked away. We got stopped several times, accepting high-fives and hugs from our peers. Finally, I saw her in the back, talking to a young man.

"Esme!" I called out. Edward ran past me, tapping her on the shoulder.

"Eleven o'clock, Aunty!" Edward joked. She turned around in confusion.

It was not Esme.

Edward whipped his head around, back and forth, searching for his aunt.

It happened then, in slow motion, just the way the movies would play out ‒ a large crowd, everyone busy smiling and hugging.

Two uniformed police officers, stopping to ask for a particular person. That person would then point to Edward. I grasped his hand, afraid of what trouble he could have possibly done.

The two cops paced step by step, with exact formation.

Left foot, right foot. Left foot, right foot.

They paused in front of him. "Edward Cullen?"

He shook his head, nodding in confirmation.

One officer leaned down, trying to whisper, but I heard every word.

_There's been an accident._

_Esme Cullen's car was found on the side of Route 64, next to Riverbend Bridge._

_The tire tracks show she must have been speeding. _

_A vehicle passing through found her._

_At eleven o'clock._

_I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen._

_Your aunt is dead._

Edward screamed, the sound piercing as he fell on his knees.

As everyone gathered around him, trying to stop his gut-wrenching cries, I realized something in that moment.

Angela Weber was right.

The world ate us alive and spit us out.

But for others - for people like Edward - it kept them in the pit of its belly.

It was greedy, to ravish someone's pain so much. It didn't even have the need to vomit.

The world consumed Edward Cullen, bit by bit, covering him in saliva and disappointment.

* * *

***weeps for Esme***

**This may seem like a lot, but my Mom lost her mother, brother, and aunt all in a three month time period. Tragedy in the rawest form, hits some people the hardest. **

**MariahajilE flipped me the bird (we're only communicating via sign language now) & Blueeyedcherry thinks I should kill Bella and be done with it. You and your wretched ideas... **

**READERS- Was anyone glad to see Angela's appearance? Will Edward survive this too? Will Bella ever lose her virginity? Stay tuned! :D**


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter Thirty-Three**

"Banana?"

"No? Okay, how about an orange?"

"You're making this difficult, Cullen. Hmm, would you like a mango?"

After he nodded, I sliced the fruit with a knife and slid it across the table. Nodding. It was progress at least.

It was so little to ask for, so much to accomplish in more than a month.

47 days.

That piercing scream from our June graduation was the last time I heard Edward's voice.

He hadn't spoken since.

Selective muteness his therapist had called it. Dr. Tanner had told us the trauma of Esme's death left Edward without the ability to speak. Frankly, that had been the tip of the iceberg. Truthfully, I think Edward had been waiting on a moment like that. He knew life had been too good, that the universe would never allow him to heal, that the trauma of losing his family wasn't enough. There had to be something greater, something far worse in store for him.

I remember Mom wrangling her hands, feebly trying to understand his diagnosis.

"_Will he ever regain his voice?" _she'd asked.

When the doctor stated his opinion, that there was a 50 percent chance, I knew I'd never hear Edward's voice again.

Not his incessant whining or the way he whispered my name in the darkness. He would never again laugh or tell me hidden jokes only I thought were funny.

No, he'd keep those all to himself. After all, there was nothing to laugh at anymore. He was just a shell of a former boy no one recognized anymore. With my parents' plea and the doctor's suggestions, the judge had no problem honoring them to take custody of Edward for the time being.

Right before college started, he would be an adult, able to make his own decisions. College seemed so trivial now. He never even showed a willingness to leave. But Dad kept him enrolled, just in case.

Just in case of never.

* * *

The cemetery closed at 8:00, but that never stopped us from lingering minutes past inside its gloomy gates. We sat on the ground, never minding to brush the dirt from our shorts. Edward never cried, just kissed each and every gravestone in a particular order.

First Lizzie's, then Paul's, Leah's, and now Esme's. He'd replace the flowers every the week, a varied arrangement of roses and daisies.

My eyes usually settled on the smallest grave, Leah's. Such a tiny space to occupy the large personality that she was. Sometimes Edward would nudge me, and I'd read her favorite books, like _Green Eggs and Ham_. Other times, I would tell them how we were doing. I explained to them how Fourth of July had sucked, and Forks didn't have enough money for a decent fireworks show. Other times, I'd kick the grave on Edward's behalf.

He'd prompt me to keep going, to kick and to kick until I wore myself out, with beads of sweat dripping down my face. I'd yell if he wanted me to.

And other times, we'd sit in silence.

While I was so busy trying to drag Edward into my world, he was doing the same, trying to lure me into his.

* * *

"No way, Scalper. We paid for this pizza, too. You aren't going to hog all the supreme!" Emmett grabbed three large slices, scooping up the peppers and olives as they fell onto the cardboard.

We each grabbed our own portions, and I slid Edward's favorite cheese pizza onto a plate. I placed it in his lap, and he took tiny, unmanly bites. The music blared as Alice scooted next to me on Mike's patio.

"Any change?" Alice asked me in worry.

"No," I answered in a defeated voice.

"Can you blame him?" Jess piped in, wiping the grease off with a napkin. "If I were him, I'd stop talking, too. Why would you ever speak again?"

"It's so sad," Rosalie added. "Just when I thought he was getting better. Can you believe the police showed up at graduation? What a bunch of tools! Some people have no tact."

I nodded in agreement. "I think my Dad yelled at the whole department. They could have at least waited until afterwards. But I don't think it would have mattered."

"Perhaps not," Alice replied. "Are you still leaving for Berkeley in the fall?"

I avoided eye contact with her, picking at the burnt parts of my pepperoni. "I don't know. Probably. Probably not…"

"Bella! You can't put your life on hold just because-"

I glared at Jess's interruption, staring her down. "Well, I can't leave him, either! What am I supposed to do? Jet off to California and leave him to my parents? He hasn't said no to college, not yet. We still have another month. I'm just, I don't know, waiting for some miracle to happen. That he'll just wake up and start talking again. I know it seems unlikely, but..."

"You have to hope," Alice finished for me.

The boys had finished their pizza and were dancing around, making raunchy moves as they laughed to the music. Edward sat on a lawn chair, leaving his pizza to enter his own world.

I knew what he was thinking. What was the point? What was the point of pizza and friends and laughing at Emmett smack Jasper on the ass? What difference did it make if Scalper started calculating the pizza by slices and trying to jack a few more dollars from everyone? Why did it matter if Jess and Alice jumped into the middle, spinning and giggling while the boys whistled for more?

What. Was. The. Point?

As Edward stood up and reached the gate to exit quietly, I knew the answer.

It was because he had to move on.

No, not today, because that would be wishing on stars that didn't exist. Not tomorrow, because even I knew that was too soon. But sometime, before life passed him by, he had to live because others couldn't.

I ran past my friends, who were trying to make a body pyramid and jumped in front of Edward just as he tried to lift the latch.

"No!" I stretched my arm across the door, blocking his departure. He frowned at me, reaching out again.

"I said no, Edward!" My hands touched his face, the youth that had drained long ago, coming back in little fragments. "You aren't leaving. You don't have to dance to the music or climb on Alice, beating her to the top of their pyramid, but you will stay. You will sit here and watch your friends live. You will watch them laugh and help Scalper with that stupid camera, because he doesn't know what the hell he's doing. You will turn the music to the next song, because this one sucks, and I don't wanna watch Emmett smack anymore asses. You will finish that pizza, because it's hella good, and I know cheese is your favorite. You are not leaving. You're not walking home, because it's too damn far, and I'm not driving you. So you're going to turn around and _live, _Edward. Live for Esme, 'cause she would hate to see you like this. Live for your Mom and Paul and Leah, who would want you to move on. You don't have to laugh, and you don't have to speak, Edward, but I refuse to watch you go through another day like this."

Tears watered up in his eyes, some from anger and others from sadness.

"You once told me hell didn't have enough room for your bullshit. Well, neither do I. Hating everything and everyone around you isn't going to bring them back. If you're mad, Edward, scream and shout. If you're sad, cry tears and sob like the world is going to hear you. Moving on doesn't mean you're forgetting them. It means you love them enough to let them know you're okay. You have to be strong even when you're at your weakest. I've been there, Edward, remember? Sitting catatonic for days, singing that damn stupid "Wheels on the Bus" song because I didn't want to cope. And then, I did. I coped, and I did it for you. I did it for my family. I did it for myself. So, Cullen, you can make a choice, here and now. You can leave…"

I stepped aside, opening the gate for him. "Or… you can live."

We stared at each other. I couldn't tell whether it was an eternity or only a mere few seconds. But we stared.

Edward grabbed the door, and I hung my head in defeat.

I had tried. I had tried my damndest, and sometimes, that wasn't good enough. That's all I could ask of myself.

I sighed as I heard a throat clearing.

Edward was trying to close the door.

From the inside.

I stepped aside as he shut it and walked back to his lawn chair.

He didn't finish his pizza or help Scalper with the camera, but he was here.

Living, as it turned out, came in small steps.

For some, it started with existing.

* * *

**Poor guy. Okay, so this was a pretty mild chapter. No huge disasters, just Edward being the Ashward that he is.**

**MariahajilE suggested I kill the whole town in a sinkhole. Really Muffin? I wouldn't do that. A tornado yes, but not a sinkhole! :D**

**Blueeyedcherry thinks Edward is creepy. Leave him alone! He's just sad, m'kay? *hits you with green crayon***

**READERS- 2 more chapters and an epilogue and that's all folks! Are you sad? Excited? Pretty much over me killing people? I still have it in for Scalper, so...I can squeeze that in if you want. No point to the storyline, I just wanna hit him with a train.**


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter Thirty-Four**

**August 2015**

I could hear him behind me, the perpetual grinding of teeth.

I felt compelled to grip his jaw tightly, to stop the noise that resounded in my eardrum.

"Edward, you're keeping me awake. We have to leave early in the morning."

I lay still for a few moments, but the grating continued. Rolling over in the darkness, I reached blindly for the lamp on my nightstand and turned it on. Edward was on his back, staring at the ceiling, with a blank look on his face.

"Why aren't you sleeping?"

He slowly turned toward me, shrugged, and then went back to his previous position. I sighed, grabbing the notebook and pen beside my bed. I handed it to him and watched as he scribbled a few words.

_You're leaving me._

I sighed, rubbing my eyes from flecks of mascara I had never washed away. "I'm not leaving you, Edward. I'm furthering my education. You're choosing not to go with me. It's not the same thing."

_I can't._

"No, Edward, you _won't_. That's the difference. You're scared that if you leave Forks, you won't get to walk by your aunt's house every day. You need a change of scenery. Get out of this hellhole while you can."

He circled his previous words, making the black ink darker with each shading. I grabbed his hand, stopping him from writing until there were holes in the notebook. "Okay, Edward. I get it. You can't."

Actually, I didn't get it. I didn't understand him. I couldn't process why he wanted to throw away the dream of a lifetime, sit in my parents' house, and wallow. I didn't fathom why he was taking an internship with my dad, getting coffee for the bigwigs when he could be in college, procrastinating on papers and yelling at his roommate to turn down his music.

I turned off the light, feeling his weight press against me in the darkness. He was holding me like a lifeline, like he wouldn't survive after I left.

He had to.

Otherwise, I'd stay here, trembling in his arms. I'd feel his fingertips rubbing my collarbone, pressing gentle kisses in spots I thought he'd forgotten about.

I'd remain where I was, thinking of happier memories, with sunsets and hot summer days, and splashes of pool water burning my eyes. I'd remember his laugh, the one he'd only use when he tickled me and I'd storm off angry. I'd come back minutes later, giggling and burying my face in his chest.

Edward was enough to make me stay.

But _I_ was more than enough to make me go.

* * *

The dorm room was tiny, a small place clearly divided by my new roommate. She'd left me the unwanted side of the room, where the sink was taking up much needed space.

Tanya was her name. All blonde and boobs and perfectly manicured nails. She'd grinned and acted friendly to my parents, but cut her eyes at me before leaving the room.

_Welcome to Berkeley_, her fake smile said. _Touch my stuff and you die._

Dad and Edward were setting up my laptop and school supplies at my desk, while Mom fiddled with my bed sheets for the umpteenth time.

She wasn't fooling anyone. My sheets were soaking wet with her tears.

"Well, honey, I think that's it," Dad announced. "Do you need anything else?"

I shook my head, glancing at all of the unpacked, empty boxes. "I think we got everything."

Mom sniffled, trying to undo her work and start over. "Mom, cut it out. It's fine. The bed is fine. You are fine."

"Oh, sweetie!" She wrapped her arms around me, crushing me into a hug. I felt the oxygen leave my lungs, never to return. "You just grew up too fast. My baby girl's all grown up!"

"Ugh, Mo-om," I complained, wiping away her slobber. Secretly, I felt my own eyes tearing up. She would no longer wake me up in the mornings, blinding me with the morning sunlight. Dad wouldn't yell from downstairs, threatening to eat my portion of the bacon.

I would be on my own, fetching for myself like some sort of caveman.

I was screwed.

"You have money for books, right?" Dad questioned me, squeezing my shoulder. "And your cell phone? Did you bring your cell phone? You know, so you can call home? You don't have to, not every day but on the weekends. And on Wednesday nights. Matter of fact, I'll be home every day after six, so if you call after then…

"You put money in my account, remember?" I reminded him. "And I promise I'll call."

"Okay, then," Dad shuffled his feet uncomfortably. "I guess we better get going. We're very proud of you, Bella."

"I know," I mumbled. I gave them both one last hug while Edward stood a few feet away, not speaking.

"We'll meet you in the car, Edward."

They left, and along with them, my source of comfort. I really felt it then, adulthood creeping up on me and throwing me to the wolves. I supposed most college freshman would be thrilled, but I felt a sense of loss. I actually _liked _my parents, which made this even harder.

Edward stared at his feet, not talking as usual, but for the first time, it seemed as if he had something to say. I waited patiently, but nothing came.

"I'll call you every night, you know," I promised, walking closer to him. "Just don't tell Dad 'cause he'll freak out. Not that you will, but… And you can call me, too. Or write letters. As soon as I find where we get those, I'll write you back. Or you can text me. I suppose that will be easier. So, yeah… Text me as much as you want, okay? About anything. Or everything. And make sure Mom and Dad stay out of my room. I don't want them turning it into some sort of gym or something. Despite their tears, I think they've been wanting the extra space. And you can borrow my flat screen if you want it. I don't know what your hours are, so you may not have time to watch TV, but it's all yours if-"

Edward squeezed me in the middle of my speech, shutting me up. I embraced him back, like we were five years old again; all Oreos and skinned knees and grass stains that never washed out of our shorts.

I pulled away from him but kept my arms around his shoulders. "You remember that time in third grade when we left for summer camp?"

He nodded, a small smile creeping up on the edge of his lips.

"It was only two weeks long, but that was like _forever_ to us, so we grabbed a bunch of trash bags and were stuffing them with all of our favorite toys. Our parents said we couldn't take anything because of the camp rules, but by the time we were done, we had all those bags full. We were crying, 'cause Lizzie wouldn't let you take all your footballs and I wasn't allowed to take my trampoline. We wailed all the way to camp, and the counselors thought we had gotten bullied on the bus ride or something."

Edward was almost at a full grin now, just short of laughing.

"This is almost like that, just a little longer. I can't bring my favorite thing, Edward. That's you. I want to hide you in these boxes and keep you here, but then I wouldn't be experiencing college. And if I can't experience, then I can't grow. We came back home from camp, Edward, and we wouldn't shut up about how much fun we had for an entire month. But the first thing we did was play football and went jumping on the trampoline. I'll come back home, baby. I'll tell you all about it, but you'll still be my favorite, okay?"

Edward was crying now. I had gotten used to his tears, but these seemed to be of joy. For me. Despite everything, he wanted me to happy. I wanted the same for him.

"Besides, my mom and dad need someone to torture. You gotta take one for the team."

Edward snorted, and we hugged one last time.

I kissed him on the lips just as Tanya walked into the room. He shoulder bumped her on purpose and winked at me as he left.

That's when I knew he'd be all right.

* * *

**(Friday) Five days later…**

"Hey, honey. How was freshman orientation?"

"It was fine; a bunch of 18-year-olds walking around lost and confused as the seniors pretended to care so they can slap it on their resumes. You know, the usual. High school, part two."

Mom's laughter echoed through the phone. "That's great, I'm so gl- Edward, hold on. You can't just grab the phone and breathe into it. I'll put it on speaker for you."

I smiled, taking a bite of my salad in the students cafeteria, because I'd promised myself I wouldn't gain the dreaded freshman 15.

"Hiya, Edward. Is everything going okay?"

I didn't expect an answer, but Mom spoke for him. "He's nodding yes. He started with corporate at the hospital this week. The staff loves him."

I could only imagine him blushing and slightly looking away. He and I both knew it was probably true.

"I'm glad to hear-"

I was trying to take another mouthful when I was shoved from behind.

"Ten points! Whoo-hooo!"

I glanced behind me, ready to impose my wrath when I noticed the huge guy from the orientation class.

"Ugh, Jacob. Cut it out! I'm trying to eat!" I ignored him, returning my focus to my phone call. "Sorry, Mom. Apparently I'm still surrounded by idiots."

Jacob grinned like it was an honor and sat across from me.

"Are you making new friends?" Mom asked. I could hear Edward's breathing hitch in the background.

"If that's what you want to call him. More like a stalker." I laughed out loud. "You know Principal Black from high school? His nephew goes here. His name's Jacob. He's from Port Angeles."

"That's wonderful, Bella. I'm so glad you're meeting new peop-" Mom paused, shuffling in the background. "I have to go, Bella. Edward is tugging on my arm. He's probably ready for dinner. I'm running a little behind today."

"Okay," I replied. "Love you both!"

"Love you, too."

I hung up the phone as Jacob the Giant -seriously, the kid was huge - grinned sheepishly at me. "Stalker, huh? I asked you for a pen one time."

"And my email address. That puts you in the creeper category, so accept your new name like a man. Sorry, Stalker. I'm worried for my safety. I had to warn my Mom, just in case no one can find my body and all that's left is a handful of pens. She needs to know who done it."

Jacob's brown eyes, which reflected his dark complexion, widened at me in surprise. "Seriously? I met you three days ago, and now I'm on a most wanted list."

"Number one," I added. "So, what are you doing this weekend? Before hell starts next week."

"There's supposed to be a party. You wanna come?"

I mused it over, pretending to think about it. "Sure. The more witnesses, the better."

Jacob's laugh jolted the table as I grinned widely. "I think I need to call my uncle. You were trouble in high school, weren't you?"

I held up innocent hands. "No way. Principal Black only gave me detention three times."

"Just three?" he asked.

"Shhh," I whispered, faking a secret. "I still owe him one."

* * *

"Turn that crap down!" Tanya threw down her make-up brush and glared at me. "I'm working here!"

Apparently, _I _was the loud roommate. I was proud to take that prestigious title but turned down the speakers on my laptop. "Working? You're putting on make-up."

"For my YouTube video. I have thousands of subscribers, ya know." She said it proudly, as if she were queen of the internet.

"Wow," I said. "You would probably like one of my best friend's videos. Her name is Rosalie. She does the same thing but with hair tutorials, too."

"What's her username?" Tanya asked.

"GalsandGlitter," I responded nonchalantly.

Tanya sucked in a breath. "Oh, my gosh. She's like my idol. Her hair is just… And she has, like, millions of viewers. You know her? Like really know her?"

"Best friends," I said smugly. "You want her number?"

"Really?" For the first time all week, Tanya looked genuinely happy.

I took advantage of it.

"You can have it… but I need more room. Move your desk back some, put the microwave on the dresser, and put your shoes under your bed so I have more closet space. Deal?"

Tanya grinned wickedly. "You drive a hard bargain."

I raised my eyebrow, waiting to see if she would take the bait.

"Deal."

* * *

**Sunday…**

I wasn't having a fit of butterflies dance in my stomach. They were attacking my organs with their wings, battling to see who would kill me first. I was anxious to start my first college class at 7:00 the following morning. American Studies 101 with Professor Hinks sounded absolutely boring, so I wanted to make sure I went to bed early so I didn't fall asleep in class.

I'd just hung up my outfit and washed my face when my phone alerted of a message.

It was Jacob.

_Coffee at the lounge? On my way over._

I texted him back. _It's late. Early class in the morning._

_Don't care, _he wrote back. _I need caffeine. Stalkers cannot live on water alone._

I laughed and texted him back that I had to get dressed first. I'd already changed into my pajamas.

I was tossing on a white shirt when a loud knock at the door startled me.

"Dammit, Jacob," I yelled. "I said ten minutes!"

I pulled my hair into a messy bun and opened the door, annoyed that he showed up early.

"What part of I'm not ready do you not underst-"

It was not Jacob the Stalker.

Not even close.

Edward stood in my dorm hallway, his arms loaded with bags and boxes. He dropped them as I stood there in shock.

"Cullen?"

I waited for him to pull out a notebook and pen, but after clearing his throat, he finally spoke.

"Hey, Bella."

My bottom lip quivered, and I covered my mouth with both hands. He was talking! Edward was talking!

It was beautiful and raspy and imperfect and all of the popsicles I could think of.

It was raw and real and harsh and blissful all at once.

It was him.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, as if I hadn't seen him in a lifetime.

"What are you doing here? Are my parents here, too?" My voice was muffled against his chest.

"No. I, uh, drove."

"You what?" I asked, pulling back. "You drove? Here? You actually got in a car and put keys in the ignition? Who are you, and what have you done with my Edward?"

Edward grinned and shrugged. "So, I hear there's space across the hall."

"That's only for college students," I joked. "And how did you hear about that?"

"Oh, I know a girl who knows a girl," Edward replied slyly. I immediately thought of Rosalie and Tanya's new friendship. I knew something had to be up. "But Charlie can move mountains. I changed my mind. He immediately called the dean, and here I am. Although, I think Renee cried more for me than she did for you."

"Shut up," I said, swatting him on the arm. "Are you really here? For good?"

"I am."

"What made you change your mind?" I questioned.

Just then, Jacob came down the hall, standing beside Edward. "You ready, Bella?"

I laughed. I laughed and laughed and laughed again, holding onto my abdomen as it cramped in pain.

Of course. Cullen was so… Cullen.

He was jealous of Emmett when we were 10 and now he was jealous of Jacob when we were 18. After all of these months, after all of the heartbreak and suffering and tragic circumstances, _this _is what made him come back to life.

I thought back to the phone call I'd had earlier with Mom on Friday. Cullen must have heard Jacob in the background. One day, I'd thank Jacob. I'd thank him for forgetting his pen just to ask me for one so that we'd become friends. I'd thank him for pushing me in the dining hall just so Edward could hear him and for that reason alone, I'd get my Edward back.

Or…maybe not.

We'll see how it goes.

"What's so funny?" Jacob asked, looking from me to Edward and then back to me.

"Nothing," I answered between fits of giggles. "Jacob the Stalker, I'd like you to meet Edward Cullen. Cullen, this is Stalker."

Jacob gave a friendly handshake as Edward awkwardly shook his hand back.

"Hey, man. We're going out for coffee. You wanna come?"

Edward finally grinned. "Sure."

We helped Edward get settled into his room and then trotted off to the coffee lounge. "So, Jacob, did Bella tell you she's allergic to coffee?"

"No way!" Jacob turned to me. "How in the heck are you allergic to coffee? That's impossible!"

Edward grasped my hand as the three of us walked out.

"It's true. This one time in the ninth grade…"

* * *

**See, Edward just needed a little push. Or shove. A Chuck Norris kick or what have you.**

**TY MariahajilE for speaking to me again. You kinda only knew one sign. Not very nice. Blueeyedcherry, lay off the popsicles woman! You're not even eating the right flavor!**

**READERS: Final chapter tomorrow and Epilogue on Wednesday! How excited are you for the end? I iz!**


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter Thirty-Five**

**November 2015**

"Class, you have just seen the contextual opinion of the North and South's stances on slavery. Taking their positions on the debate, we can all agree why slavery was a main aspect of the Civil War. For your presentation, you are also to choose a topic for your persuasive speech and present it to your peers. I want it to be personal, something you are passionate about. However, make sure you cite from a minimum of three scholarly journals, bring visual aids, and make your argument from a chronological approach. I want all preliminary studies, outlines, and other sources turned in through your university online account. Presentations are to be no longer than three minutes and are due next Friday. Work hard on them. Do not wait until the night before. Remember, you do not receive an A for effort in my class, just the pleasure of my company next semester because you've failed. Please stay afterwards if you have any questions. Class is dismissed."

I scuffled my feet, trying to unwrap my messenger bag from around the tiny desk. I swear, the older you got, the smaller the seats became.

Edward stood up beside me, letting some students bypass him.

"So, what do you think of Professor Yorkie?"

"He's all right. This communications class is going to be harder than I thought." All of college was going to be harder than I thought. They loaded you up with work. In high school, you had an entire month to complete a paper. In college, you had less than a week, and that was if the professor was being generous. "Next term, I'm scheduling all my classes in the morning. These evening hours aren't cutting it."

"Lesson learned," Edward agreed. "So what do you want to do now? The art department is showing an exhibit. Or Green Hall is having a flag football tournament against the Stern Quads."

"Seriously?" I asked in surprise. "You are such a freshman!"

Edward shoved me with his shoulder. "Shut it, Swan! What happened to all the '_I need to grow, Edward. I want to experience college_' crap you gave me? I'm trying to get involved in campus life."

"But with art? Art, Cullen?" I shook my head in disbelief. "You don't have an artistic bone in your pretty little body. You see one naked statue, you'll laugh and they'll ban us for our academic life."

Edward chuckled, shifting his bag. "Okay, okay. I think they have a skating rink at the recreational center. How about it?"

"That's more like it. But first, we need food. I'm starving."

"You're always starving," Edward joked.

"That's 'cause we have to walk 27 miles just to get anywhere. It's the hard knock life for us people with short legs."

Edward wrapped his arm around me, kissed my temple, and led the way to the dining hall.

"Art," I muttered. "Of all the shenanigans…"

* * *

"Ahhhh!"

"Oh, my gosh! What's wrong with her?" Tanya pushed the books on my bed aside, making way as Jacob and Edward tossed me on the hard mattress with no regard to my pain.

"Skating," Edward and Jacob answered at the same time. They stared at each, then burst out laughing.

"Laugh it up, boys," I threatened. "I almost lost my life! I almost lost a limb! And what do I have to show for it? Nothing! Some friends you are."

"Hey, we told you to get out of the way," Jacob said. "Those hockey players are even bigger than I am."

"And did you move?" Edward asked. "Noooo. '_Look at me, Cullen,_' you said. '_Look what I can do._' Three twirls, two huge guys, one lost skate, and here we are. You have no one to blame but yourself."

"They weren't twirls," I replied defensively. "They were pirouettes, and they were beautiful."

"You looked like a ballerina on crack," Jacob teased. "Arms were flailing, legs were flopping. You were a mess. I was embarrassed for you."

"Next time, you're going down with me, Stalker." I crossed my arms, remembered how much pain I was in, and grabbed my right ankle. "You think it's sprained? I think it's sprained. Probably broken. Maybe we should call the campus emergency hotline."

Tanya leaned over, lifted up the hem of my jeans, and assessed the damage. "You're fine, Bella. It's not even swollen. Take a Tylenol. You want some ice?"

"Yes, please."

She started out the door, but Jacob darted after her. "I'll come, too. You know, you look really pretty today, Tanya…"

Edward sat on the bed with me, lifting my legs on top of his lap, and rubbed my ankle for me. "I think Stalker has a thing for Blondie."

I nodded. "I think so, too. He was singing her a song outside of our window last night. It sounded like a wolf howling."

We chuckled together and sat in silence until they returned with ice in a baggie. "Thanks, guys. You two wanna watch a movie with us?"

"Nah," Jacob answered. "I'm going to go show Tanya the scene of the crime. I think there might be evidence of your pride left."

"Har har," I said sarcastically. "Fine. Leave me all alone and abandoned."

"Hello? You've got me!" Edward playfully nudged me.

"Oh, that's right. I've got Cullen. I need a popcorn-maker anyway."

Tanya laughed as Jacob intertwined his arm in hers. "See ya. Feel better, Bella."

I waved at them as Edward tickled me. "Popcorn-maker, huh? Is that all I'm good for?"

I squealed, swatting his hands away. "I'm kidding. You're good for other stuff, too, ya know."

"Oh? Like this?" Edward slid beside me, kissing my neck and taking away any self-control with him. He closed any distance between us, gliding his hand underneath my shirt. I was cold from the air, but he was much too warm; a searing hotness I could barely handle.

Not the bad hot. Just the 'I could burn like this forever' hot.

Edward brushed the skin underneath my bra, teasing me with rough hands while I trembled beneath him. It was too good; too mind-blowing, cold popsicles, warm autumn days, and starry nights good.

I whimpered, and he wrapped his mouth over mine, tasting all of the love I have to give him. I wondered if he knew it would never be enough. That as he lifted my shirt and bra, I had more to offer. That as he unzipped my jeans, I wanted to give him every aspect of me.

When he slipped off my pants, he looked at me, and I knew that he understood. His fingernails dug into my skin, removing the last piece of fabric while he was still fully clothed.

I tried to help him, but he gently pushed my hand away.

"For you," he said in a low voice. For once, I didn't want his gift. I wanted to be the giver, like I've always been. I couldn't handle this Edward. He parted my skin with his thumb, rubbing slowly, kissing me like I was precious. Like I was bought with tears and sacrifice and love and laughs.

Like I was worth it.

I squirmed, but he pinned me down, whispering with kisses to the spot that was too tender.

The kisses said he loved me, but I was falling.

His tongue said he worshipped me, but I sunk lower and lower.

I gripped onto the bed comforter, finding a source to hold, moaning that I'd never climb from that place. I closed my eyes, arching my back, and his whispers turned to songs.

It was music. Lullabies. A fast beat. Melodies that screamed and tunes that were composed of his love alone.

He curled two fingers, taking my breath away. I started to count those stars again, but they blurred. They twisted into forms of shadowy lights as I clung to his shoulders and then his hair, clawing at whatever I could grab onto.

"Baby…" I felt the tightening in my stomach, the aching begging me to release. His tongue swirled around, pulling, tasting, sucking.

I broke then, little pieces of me dissipating into thin air. I screamed and then I didn't. I moaned and whimpered and cried, and then I didn't.

The sensation was fleeting, and all that was left were kisses, sighs, and a pounding heart.

.

.

.

"The ice has melted. Does your ankle still hurt?"

"Loads of pain."

"That's funny. I thought it was your right ankle. You're grabbing your left now."

"Huh. Miraculously, I'm a healed woman."

.

.

.

"So, how many?"

"What?"

"You moaned that you were counting stars. So, how many were there?"

"18, since you're so inclined to ask."

"That's all?"

"Yeah. One for every year that I've loved you."

* * *

"Therefore, _Game of Thrones_ should have a preliminary warning at the beginning of the series to warn its audience about the addictiveness of its show. The compulsion to watch its programming has now affected thousands of its viewers, and as studies have shown, social addiction behaviors lead to a widespread problem, particularly in adults. Though this particular addiction has not been diagnosed, I believe _Game of Thrones_ has the responsibility to caution the public. Thank you."

One clap.

I think that was Edward.

Wait, there's a second one.

Nope, that's me.

"Miss Swan, do you like me?" Professor Yorkie turned to me with a grimaced look upon his face.

"Er, what?"

"I asked if you were fond of me. Apparently, you must be if you intend on taking this class again. You were supposed to present a persuasive speech on a topic that you were passionate about."

"I thought I did."

"And exhibiting your mother's image on the screen as the 'Face of Addiction' counts as passionate?"

"Once, she didn't cook dinner for two days, Professor Yorkie. I nearly starved. I'm trying to save lives here."

"Sit _down_, Miss Swan."

I grabbed my notecards and trudged back to my seat. I worked hard on that stupid presentation. The amount of reruns I had to watch were mind-boggling. The research alone had kept me up all night.

Some people had zero appreciation.

Edward whispered in my ear from the row behind. "I thought you did great, Bella."

"Shut your trap, Cullen."

Professor Yorkie cleared his throat. "Our last presenter is Edward Cullen. Mr. Cullen has already asked me for approval to complete his presentation outside, since it would be dangerous to do so indoors. So, please leave your belongings and follow me to the pavilion in the courtyard."

"Dangerous?" I whispered to him as we walked through the double doors. "What the hell are you presenting on?"

"Not _Game of Thrones_," he smirked.

Professor Yorkie sat on one of the courtyard benches surrounded by tall lampposts, while the rest of us took a seat on the grass. It was a bit chilly outside and getting darker.

I should have worn a heavier sweater.

We waited patiently as Edward set up a few of his visual aids. Then he stood still, ready to present.

He held up a candle, lighting it as he spoke. "Fire. It is one of the most basic human essentials that most people cannot function without. From heat to light to energy, fire is considered a necessity to live, to survive, and to thrive."

I watched in awe as Edward continued to light more candles. I was shocked he was so close to the flames. He trembled slightly, only so much so that I was probably the only one to notice. Soon, he had created a complete circle. The glow illuminated around him.

"I debated on whether to speak to you today about fire safety. As the lone survivor of a house fire that killed my entire family, I pondered if my speech should contain elements on how to safely fireproof one's home. I threw that idea away. Even with fire alarms, they can malfunction. Next, I wondered if I should talk to you on how to survive a fire. I know nothing about that either. I barely escaped myself."

Edward cleared his throat and continued. "Therefore, I want persuade you on why everyone should own candles."

Professor Yorkie stood up, halting Edward in the middle of his speech. "Mr. Cullen, you do realize this is 25 percent of your grade?"

"Yes, sir," Edward answered. "I'm almost done. I have two minutes left."

Professor Yorkie shook his head in dismay but allowed Edward to continue.

"Though candles can be used for a wide variety of functions, I have narrowed it down to three. Before electricity was created, candles were used to light homes. To save electricity, money, and resources, people should use candles to see when it becomes dark. It is sufficient enough to create enough light to complete simple household tasks. With various types of wax ‒ such as paraffin, soy-based, or beeswax ‒ one has options on which kind they use to reduce emissions. Therefore, by reducing the amount of electricity we use, we can make the earth a greener place."

"Secondly, everyone should own candles because they are a valuable method in measuring time. By pre-marking the wax or the holder, any individual is able to calculate how much time has passed. As we know, when the electricity goes out, so does your alarm clock. If technology were to fail, so would cell phones. Batteries on watches don't last. But candles have been used to show certain amounts of duration since the 10th century. In the case of a catastrophe, everyone should use candles to effectively indicate intervals of time."

"Thirdly, everyone should use candles, because they can bring about a soothing effect that makes people happy. More specifically, they are proven to be useful in therapy. They enhance a person's mood and can have healing effects for depression. By inhaling essential oils from aromatherapy candles, the molecules can help a person relax and reduce stress."

I saw Professor Yorkie hold up a single finger, alerting Edward he had one minute remaining.

"To conclude, candles are useful for light, time, and happiness. For the last portion of my presentation, I need an assistant. Bella?"

I shook my head erratically. I didn't want to help him burn candles. I'd light the entire university on fire. I think the professor had suffered enough.

Edward motioned for me to come forward, so I excused myself, trying not to step on my classmates fingers. I joined him in the circle of candles, debating how exactly I was supposed to "assist" him.

It was Bunzilla the Magic Rabbit all over again.

"These three basic elements we often take for granted. Light, time, and happiness certainly can all come from candles. But other times, they come from people themselves."

"Bella, you are like my candle. You have brought light to my life when there was nothing but darkness. You have given me time, when I myself had tried to rewind it. Lastly, you have given me happiness, multiplied in an endless array of brightness. But even when I wanted to, you never let me burn. You've always loved me when I couldn't even love myself."

Edward dropped to one knee, taking my breath away. I was so startled, I swore that my heart had stopped beating.

A few classmates sucked in breaths, but it could have been me. It was probably me.

_This isn't happening. This isn't happening. This isn't happening._

Edward pulled out a small, blue box.

_This is happening._

"Bella, I promise you a lifetime supply of watermelon-flavored popsicles, kisses under willow trees, and lion-shaped Animal Crackers. I'll cook you bear meat every night and give you floaties so you'll never drown. I'll buy you all the puppy egg rolls money can buy and skateboards you can fall on. If you'll have me, we'll play football and jump on trampolines the rest of our lives. So, Bella Swan, will you do me the honor and marry me?"

Tears gushed from my eyes like a waterfall. More like a flood. Nevermind. It was the whole damn ocean, and I was going to submerge everyone around me.

Edward opened the velvet box to reveal a circular diamond.

"Noawterelonpishisle?"

"What?" Edward looked at me in surprise, waiting for an answer. I was trying to talk, but a lump was stuck in my throat. I tried again through my blubbering sobs.

"No watermelon popsicle?"

"Oh, Bella."

Edward sighed, searched through his presentation box and pulled out my favorite dessert. "Now will you marry me?"

I took my popsicle and smiled.

"Yes."

The class cheered as Edward slipped the ring on my finger. We kissed momentarily, and for once, Professor Yorkie grinned.

"Well done, Mr. Cullen," he said, walking towards us. "Well done. I think you've just earned yourself an A."

"What about me?" I piped in.

"I'd say you're lucky you're marrying him."

"Why's that?" I asked. I grasped my fiancé's hand, imagining all that our future entailed.

"Now at least one of you is going to have a college degree. Class is dismissed."

**~~~~THE END~~~~**

* * *

**I told you guise there would be an HEA. Sorry for the torture to get you there.**

**No, I'm kidding. I'm not sorry at all.**

**The epilogue will post tomorrow, but for those not returning, I wanted to say THANK YOU to everyone who has read this story. I'm blown away by your support and I appreciate every single review. Some of you threw things, threatened me, and stole my cupcakes, but it was all worth it.**

**MariahajilE- You are flipping ahmazing. I don't know what I would do without you. Probably eat strawberries instead of blueberries. And that's not a world I wanna live in. Beta by day, Muffin by night, right? *attempts to do super cool handshake where you just flip me off***

**Blueeyedcherry- We laughed, we cried, and we made fake diplomas. You are wanted in 37 states for your illegal practices, but you are the best pre-reader ever. And humper. It's ALL about the humping.**

**READERS- I LOVE YOU guise. Your Twitter insults, your FB jokes, your scathing reviews, your PM's I may or may not have cried over... you people are so freaking great. Better than cupcakes. Let's just leave it at that, m'kay? *hugs and kisses***


	36. Chapter 36

**Epilogue**

**August 2016**

**19 years old**

**Wedding Ceremony**

"_You just gotta ignite the light  
And let it shine  
Just own the night  
Like the Fourth of July_

_Cause baby you're a firework_  
_Come on show 'em what you're worth_  
_Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"_  
_As you shoot across the sky-y-y"_

Dad kissed me on the cheek as he exchanged my hand and gave it to Edward. I smiled with pride through my veil as he stood regally in his tux adorned with a single fuchsia flower.

"Nice song you walked down the aisle to," he whispered.

"I thought you might appreciate a little Katy Perry," I snickered back.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of God to celebrate the union of Edward Cullen and Bella Swan. As they stand before family and friends to unite their soul as one, we consecrate their loyalty and love through the mutual connection that they share. The couple has chosen to say their own vows. Bella?"

Alice leaned forward to take my bouquet and hand me the symmetrical butterfly I had written my words on.

"Edward, in kindergarten, the teacher taught us a math lesson on symmetry. I don't quite remember the entire thing, but I recalled you stopped me from using pink paint. In my mind, I was mad. I kept thinking, 'Why is this chunky little boy bossing me around?'"

The audience laughed as Edward smirked at me.

"We painted these ridiculous butterflies that were supposed to be the same. But there were slight differences; a bit of darker blue here, a hint of red there. They weren't symmetrical, not exactly. So I wasn't certain of it. I couldn't actually consider that I deserved the honor of having a soulmate. But I do in you. That symmetry? It's a reflection of us, and it's real. So, Edward, because of you, because of your love, I now believe."

Edward swallowed as his emerald eyes glowed with affection toward me.

"Edward?"

He shifted slightly and began to speak with no paper, just words from his heart.

"Bella, we were five years old when I pushed you on the playground. We were 10 when I knocked you over with a football. At 12, I pushed you off your bike and ran away. At 16, I tripped you on the bleachers until you hit the ground."

I looked at Edward's grinning face as water welled up in my eyes.

"I've been trying to make you fall for me ever since. You once told me you figured out the amount of seconds in any given day. Bella, as I've learned, we don't have that kind of time. There's so little of it. Those 86,400 seconds? That's not enough to count the billions of stars in existence. No matter how hard I try, there'll be this infinite period where I stop and think I should've tried harder. I should have counted more.

"That possibility doesn't exist for me. I've spent each second surviving disguising it as living.

"I don't want to be that type of man, that type of husband for you. I've watched you, Bella. I've watched you stretch your arms as far as they could reach ‒ pointing, naming, and counting each individual speck in the sky. You figured eventually ‒ someday ‒ I would see the beauty in the sky as you do. And I have. Because of you, I'll never fall to the captivity of darkness.

"86,400 seconds isn't enough time to count the stars.

"But, Bella, it's more than enough time to give you my heart and soul…

"It's more than enough to live versus survive …

"It's more than enough to tell you I love you every single day…

"So, my Bella, for people like us…

"86,400 seconds is plenty."

* * *

**Reception Dinner**

"I now present to you Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen!"

Jasper's voice boomed from the DJ station underneath the reception tent as our friends and family clapped as we walked down the center aisle.

I kissed my husband, holding our hands in the air as we walked to the center table.

Mom and Dad kissed both of us on our cheeks as we took our seats.

"Damn, this wedding looks expensive. How much was it?" Mike the Scalper examined each fork, trying to stuff them into his tux.

"Cut it out, Scalper! I'll kick you out of here!" I threatened.

"Did someone call a bodyguard?" Emmett appeared out of the crowd, looming over our table. He spoke into his a wired microphone. "Code Red. We have a Code Red at the groom's table. Please stand by for back-up."

"Em, is anybody actually on the other end of that?" Edward asked, raising his eyebrow.

"Well, no…" Emmett hung his head in shame.

"That's okay, baby. But one day there will be, and you'll all be sorry!" Rosalie replied, sticking up for him.

"Hey, I actually know a guy if you're interested in the bodyguard business," Jacob said.

I nodded in agreement. "He's a stalker. I'm sure he does."

"Can it, twinkle toes!" Jacob grinned.

I laughed as a wait staff served us our food. Edward kept peeking at me and smiling, a full glow on his face.

"What are you looking at, Cullen?"

"Oh, just my beautiful wife."

"The flattery ends here, doesn't it?" I joked.

"Nope. More and more for years to come. You'll never get rid of me now."

"I think you have more than one stalker," Tanya warned.

"This chicken is skinless," I complained, cutting into the meat. "Ugh."

"Would you rather have bear meat?" Jess asked.

"No, smart aleck. There's just nothing on it."

"This is why Mrs. Swan should have catered," Alice said, picking at her food.

"That's okay," Edward snickered. "I like it bare."

"Edward!" Mom and Dad stared at their son-in-law, shaking their head.

* * *

**Honeymoon Night**

"Wait, no, scoot a little to the left."

"You're squishing my boobs."

"Is that better?"

"No. This is awkward."

"Let me try again."

"I don't think that's the correct hole."

"Oops. Sorry."

This was nothing like the romantic movies I once saw. The man gently lays the woman on the bed, slowly kisses her until clothes fly off, and then they make love until the morning.

Nope, we weren't even close.

Rosalie and Tanya had bought me some lingerie from Whores 'R' Us, which I'm sure Rosalie had gotten a discount for. Edward had gotten it tangled, my head was trapped for two minutes, and I think my panties were on backwards.

Now, he was squishing me with his body weight. Literally, I couldn't breathe. We were both naked, limbs were everywhere, Edward's sweat was dripping all over me, and Stevie Wonder was singing away in the background.

I'm pretty sure even he wouldn't have wanted to see this.

"I think we're trying too hard," I said, pulling a rose petal out of the crack of my ass.

"I was trying to make it romantic," Edward replied. There he was, in all of his naked glory, and I couldn't even enjoy it.

"I know," I muttered, sighing. The resort house we were staying at was absolutely beautiful. Right on the beach in Maui, the beach was just outside of our window. The waves crashed in the distance, and the moonlight glowed through the open doors.

My parents had gone above and beyond to make sure their daughter lost her virginity with style.

"It's stuffy in here. Let's go for a walk."

"Now?" I asked, gesturing my unclothed body.

"Here," Edward tossed me a complimentary white robe, which matched his that I tied around my waist.

He grasped my hand as we headed outdoors, feeling the gritty sand between my toes.

"Ya know, one day we'll look back at this and laugh," Edward stated.

"When? When will that be? Five years from now? Ten years? When Mom and Dad ask us where the grandkids are, and we tell them we couldn't figure out which hole to put it into to?"

"You're being awfully bitter about this, _wife_!"

"Don't you use that tone with me, _husband_!"

We stared at each other, huffing.

Then the rain started; heavy drops of water that soaked us in less than a minute, seeping through the thick cotton.

Finally, Edward cracked first.

I don't know if it was the ridiculousness of the situation or the fact that we just had our first married fight, but we laughed.

We laughed and giggled and squealed until we ran for cover under the nearest palm tree.

Edward sat behind me, wrapping me in his arms. "You think we should go back inside?"

"Nah." I shook my head, feeling the cold rain against my skin. "This is perfect."

"I think so, too," he whispered.

Edward kissed my collarbone thoroughly, his mouth moving softly as he slid down my robe. A new urge moved through me, and I turned around, wriggling out of the soaked fabric. His mouth moved across my body, teasing and tasting each fraction of skin. I pressed him for more, digging my nails into his back with want.

There was no uncomfortableness now, no awkward poses or staged flowers ‒ just us and our nerves quivering from every little reaction.

His lips seems to leave a trail that only he knew the direction of. Finally, they landed on my breast, and with it, a new wave of knots formed in my stomach. I tightened my grasp on him as he sucked on my nipple.

I was and wasn't ready for it. I gasped from the sensation, tilting my hips so that he spread more evenly on top of me. I shuddered with each rasp of tongue that slid across my skin. It became cold as he abandoned one for the other. The heat shocked me, radiating with need and urgency.

"Please," I begged. He didn't reply. Instead, he just left my nerves tingling. His mouth moved upward to meet my lips, crushing them with his warmth.

"You're beautiful," he murmured against my mouth.

"I know." I was in such a daze the words had escaped, making absolutely no sense to his compliment.

Edward chuckled, grasping my hips. He opened them to adjust himself where I had anticipated him the most.

It was a devastatingly painful angle to have him right there and not to have him at all. I wanted to hold onto this moment forever. I wanted to remember how I gave myself fully to him, how I had waited all of this time to give him the rest of me.

"I love you," he whispered hoarsely.

"I lov-"

I couldn't get the words out, not at that moment as he slid into me. But it was everything. That action was my love for him, our love toward each other. It was our ultimate devotion of everything we were just so we could be exactly where we are.

His erection slowly filled me, pressing barrier by barrier. The sensation stung, burned almost, but it took away the hollowness that had always needed him. I gasped against the pressure, clawing at his bare skin as I reveled in the new movement.

My breath became ragged, edging on the brink of hysterics.

"Is this-" Edward tried to speak, but I nodded to answer him.

"Are you-"

I shushed him with a finger to his lips. I didn't mind the robe that was bunching up beneath us. Or his foot that was digging into my leg.

It was slightly awkward.

It was us.

I urged him to thrust, to keep going, to not stop. He gradually built up a rhythm, moving deliberately slow for my benefit.

I molded my lips around his, twisting my tongue in his mouth. He got the hint. His movements sped, bit by bit, surging until he plunged with reckless abandon. The drive in my body was too much.

I didn't even register what he was doing as he pulled out, sending a chilled air between us. He rocked back inside of me again, over and over, building a dam that was sure to break.

His eyes squeezed shut as he reached a frantic point of no return. His body shook against mine, trembling my soul to the very core. It was beautiful to watch, to see him give to me all that he had. After a few reckless breaths, he rocked his head against my shoulder, panting.

Gradually he rose up.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. You didn't even get a chance to- I couldn't-"

I grabbed him in my arms, having him lay against me so we could just be. I shushed his apologies with the cover of my hand.

"It was perfect."

.

.

.

"Now we're doing naughty things under palm trees, Bella?"

"Eh, the willow had its time. It was a natural progression."

"You're not gonna get 'board' with it, are you?"

"I never 'wood.'"

.

.

.

"I love you, Bella. Please don't ever 'leaf' me."

"We're done here, Cullen. The moment has passed."

.

.

.

"You really need to 'branch' out."

"Seriously? Stop it."

.

.

.

"You think we could do it again, or am I 'barking' up the wrong tree?"

.

.

.

"Bella, where are you going? I'm 'saw'rry!"

* * *

**March 2027**

**30 years old**

"Baby, I can't find my blue tie! Where's my blue tie?"

"Ryland, put your shoes on right now! No, not your cowboy boots! What did I just sa-"

"Bella, my tie! Nevermind, I found it!"

"Mommy, I don't wanna."

"Sweetie, I think you burned the bacon."

My eye seemed to twitch a lot these days. This constant spasm that traveled from my brain to my eye was going to be the death of me. I could feel it.

"Ryland, you heard your mother. Put your shoes on right now and come eat."

"Okay, Daddy."

Why? Why couldn't I do that? My kid was a total brat; green eyes and chubby cheeks all wrapped up in boogers and horror.

"Here, Bella, let me help." Edward took the fork out of my hand, easily sliding our breakfast meal onto plates. I breathed deeply and took a seat at the kitchen table.

"I'm going to burst. I can feel it. She's plowing her way out with a carriage and horses."

Edward kissed my pregnant belly and grinned. "That's 'cause she our princess. Only a few more weeks to go. You'll make it."

"Easy for you to say," I snorted. "She's gonna be huge."

"Hey, I don't want to hear any complaining from you. _Harder, Edward_… _Go faster_… Now look what you've done."

I giggled. "It was in the heat of passion. I can't be held liable for my actions."

Edward settled Ryland into his chair and ruffled his hair. "Are you going to behave yourself at Grandma and Pop's house?"

"I pwomise, Daddy." His wide eyes looked up in complete innocence.

Lies. All lies. He'd already been kicked out of three daycares. No facility within a hundred miles would take him.

Edward winked at me and sat to eat his breakfast. I tried not to inhale any of the scents as I downed an extra glass of orange juice.

"Do you have a lot of appointments today?"

"I'm pretty much packed," Edward explained. "My last one ends at four, though, so I should be home in time for dinner."

"Oh! I forgot I have a faculty meeting. Can you pick up something instead?"

"Sure thing, baby." Edward wiped his mouth just as the horn beeped outside. "That's for you, Ryland. I gotta go, honey. Have a great day. Don't let those kids torture you today."

I grimaced. "I'll try not to."

He kissed me on the lips, grabbed his briefcase, and followed Ryland out the door.

I sighed, wondering how in the world my life had gotten so beautifully complicated.

After Edward and I had graduated from Berkeley (barely, thanks to Professor Yorkie), I was hired as a kindergarten teacher at Forks Elementary. I had no idea what I'd gotten myself into. The kids were rotten the first year, a little sweeter the second, and then back to rotten the third. I'd pulled more gum out of hair than I was willing to admit.

Edward, on the other hand, had become a speech pathologist, helping children in schools with their language development. Eventually, with the money Esme had left him, he'd opened his own speech facility, working primarily with psychologists on patients who suffered from traumatic stress.

I was so proud of him. When I thought back to all that he'd experienced, he'd certainly turned his life around.

It wasn't always an easy road, though. At anniversary of his family's death each year, we'd light candles, visit the grave site, and cry as if it had just happened. He'd visited Billy's grave last year. Two minutes and that was that. A few kicks to the stone and he was over it. I never saw him visit again.

Carlisle's letters eventually stopped coming. I was grateful. Edward didn't need any more painful reminders. It was bad enough Mr. Garrett had gotten out a few years back. He'd stayed in Forks for a year before the town ran him out. Last I heard, he was living in seclusion in Oregon.

College graduation was probably the hardest. Edward had this fear police were going to interrupt and tell him my parents were dead, especially since they were late to the stadium. Turns out, they had gotten stuck in traffic, but until he saw their faces, he refused to put on his cap and gown.

But we'd had good times, too. Like when we bought a house next to a friendly old man and woman named Mr. and Mrs. Cope. Somehow, they were still living. I was pretty sure Mr. Cope had died last week on the front porch, but then he'd snorted, waved at me, and fell back asleep.

I was 26 when we'd finally gotten pregnant with Ryland. It took much longer than expected, and we'd even come to the conclusion that we'd adopt. Then one day, I threw up after eating a popsicle.

Good day for me, bad day for my delicious dessert.

Most of my friends who had dated in high school had broken up. Mike the Scalper opened up an exclusive club that charged ridiculous prices. Emmett was working as his main bodyguard, in charge of an entire team. Rosalie and Tanya went into business together, an 'on-the-go' salon that traveled to their customers. Jasper had moved to Hollywood to break into the music business, and Alice… Well, Alice…

Alice was my boss. Principal Brandon the kids called her. I used a lot of sick days.

Oh, I forgot about Stalker. Jacob had married Tanya a few years after Edward and I had tied the knot, and had a daughter Ryland's age. He was a private detective now.

Stalking people for a living.

He was useful, I guess, especially since they lived right across the street.

I glanced at my phone and slowly stood up as the pain stretched through my back.

I was going to be late. Again.

Oh, well. Those little terrors could function on their own.

* * *

"Those kids are awfully quiet."

Jacob looked around our backyard suspiciously. "Ava! Ava, where are you?"

"Oh, Stalker, let them play. Sit down." I tried to get him to take a seat, but he stood on the patio, glancing for our children.

"Did you hear that?" Even Edward set his glass on the table and stood up. Tanya and I shrugged, and followed the men as they searched for the kids.

Then we heard it around the side of the house.

Giggling.

Not the cute giggling. No, it was the naughty, I'm-doing-something-bad giggling.

Jacob pressed a finger to his lips, making sure we all remained quiet as we tiptoed through the grass.

"Highew. Wift it highew!"

"Lift what higher, young man?" Jacob's brown complexion turned red as he stormed to Ryland and Ava who were hiding behind the oak tree.

I gasped, Tanya stood in shock, and Edward chuckled.

Little innocent Ava had her shirt pulled up to her neck as Ryland grinned with a wide smile.

Ava saw all of our faces, and her bottom lip trembled. It was the beginning of a full breakdown. She wailed and scurried to hide under the table as Jacob kneeled in front of Ryland.

"What are you doing to my daughter?"

"Nuffin." Ryland squirmed but stood his ground.

"Then what were you looking at?"

Ryland grinned, held his hands to his mouth, and whispered with a loud voice that all children tended to do.

"Boobies!"

Ryland snickered and ran away, climbing up the ladder to his tree house with immaculate speed.

Edward was laughing his ass off now, knee slaps and everything.

"Who does that remind you of?" he said, wrapping a strong arm around my waist.

"He gets that from you, does he?" Jacob shook his head, but I saw he was fighting off a grin.

"They're only four years old! It's only going to get worse!" Tanya looked worriedly at her only child.

Edward, with all of his strength, picked me up and twirled me around. I squealed, embracing the man that I loved.

"Nope," Cullen stated, kissing me on the lips. "It only gets better."

* * *

**Love you guise! Thanks for reading!**


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